18TH JULY 2012QUOTE REBLOGGED FROM INDIGENOUS FEMINIST WITH 42 NOTES
During the filming of Deep Throat, actually after the first day, I suffered a brutal beating in my room for smiling on the set. It was a hotel room and the whole crew was in one room, there was at least twenty people partying, music going, laughing, and having a good time. Mr. Traynor started to bounce me off the walls. I figured out of twenty people, there might be one human being that would do something to help me and I was screaming for help, I was being beaten, I was being kicked around and again bounced off the walls. And all of a sudden the room next door became very quiet. Nobody, not one person came to help me.
The greatest complaint the next day is the fact that there was bruises on my body. So many people say that in Deep Throat I have a smile on my face and I look as though I am really enjoying myself. No one ever asked me how those bruises got on my body.19
At another point in her testimony, Linda Marchiano said:
Mr. Traynor suggested the thought that I do films with a D-O-G and I told him that I wouldn’t do it. I suffered a brutal beating, he claims he suffered embarrassment because I wouldn’t do it. We then went to another porno studio, one of the sleaziest ones I have ever seen, and then this guy walked in with his animal and I again started crying. I started crying. I said I am not going to do this and they were all very persistent, the two men involved in making the pornographic film and Mr. Traynor himself. And I started to leave and go outside of the room where they make these films and when I turned around there was all of a sudden a gun displayed on the desk and having seen the coarseness and the callousness of the people involved in pornography, I knew that I would have been shot and killed.
Needless to say the film was shot and still is one of the hardest ones for me to deal with today.
— Linda Lovelace (via indigenousfeminist)
Tagged: sex positivepornanti pornanti pornographypornographylinda lovelacefeminismradical feminism
Source: indigenousfeminist
Saturday, 21 July 2012
Thursday, 19 July 2012
BFF, Just Friends Forever
The trouble is that I can't blog about my day. My day was full of emotion. But I can't write about it. The problem is that someone who reads my blog and is a very important part of my life, is part of the subject of this blog. I don't think it is their fault, but I would imagine that they might not like it. I would ask them not to read it. Magic Eyes, this is you.
I have empathy. I have listened to women my entire life, well over twenty years; I said little but I listened. I have always been a lover of women, girls, even though it was socially unacceptable as a child; I never understood why. In high school I was the worst at talking with people and even worse with girls my own age, but still I listened. In university I started talking to and with women, I listened even then. Honestly though, I was very interested in sex, but because of my poor social skills, I could not actually complete the deal. I missed it when women were throwing themselves at me; I was clueless. But all my listening and paying attention did start to get me one thing though, female friends.
Some of these friends became my best friends, we talked about the girls that I liked and the guys that they liked and I realized that I could be completely honest except telling them, that they were the people that I loved. I listened to how their boyfriends were mean, or how they were assholes. I listened to their stories about how good they were in bed, knives twisting in my guts. And they rushed to tell me that they had just broken up and I owned the shoulder that they cried on, all the while I was secretly in love with them. When they had breakups I never rushed in to kiss them, I was their friend and I wanted them to have the time they needed before I told them. I was always too late.
Over the years, I tried my best to be their best friend. I did not make changes in my views to pick up, nor did I pick up my views to appear a better mate, I did it because I love women and I am their fan. Not many men do that. Most just continue being who they are and I am beginning to see that they were smart and had the right idea.
I have been the best friend to about ten or more women over the years, over twenty years. Some of them I broke the rule, don't fall in love with them. Okay usually I broke the rule and told them that I loved them. Many of them told me that I was way better than a boy friend, I was a friend. Many of them told me intimate details of their life, length and girth. But they never wanted to share intimacies with me. A few did. One because she was in need, and one because she loved and needed me. But mostly they ended because of betrayal, I betrayed them by being in love with them.
If I told my friends, all the female ones, that as I get to know them the more I like them and the more I love them. The longer I know them the more I love them. The more time I spend with them the more I love them. The longer I love them the deeper I love them. If I told them this, I would have no female friends. I love all of them.
I just can't stop. Age does not matter. Twenty years older twenty years younger, it does not matter. I want to do good by them all.
So when someone tells me that they want to just be friends, it breaks my heart, as far as I can tell, I will be destined to fall in love with them, listen to their trials and tribulations about their other relationships, knives twisting in my stomach, hear about how they love who they love, guts trailing behind me. I am tired of it, I want to have love come first or even better love come hand in hand with friendship, because I want what they want most.
But what has happened is that my best friends, women all, treat me as a friend because I am a already made person, but they fall in love with imperfect selfish men. They want to fix these men, they want to take care of these men, they want to party with these men. Typically, these men are immature, they can't keep money, they cheat, they lie and they get laid. I don't want to be these men, I want to be the person I am, but I really don't want to keep being a best friend man to women. It is hard, falling in love with women who think that you as their friend are better than their lover.
Maybe I can try this one last time. One last time I will be a woman's best friend. I will try not to fall in love with her. But I am close already, the more I get to know her the closer I get. How can I not love a person like her?
The thing is, this is the thing at the very heart of the matter, when someone tells me that they only want me as a friend and they tell me that it is better than as a lover, I think they are lying, that they just don't want to hurt my feelings. I have seen the way that women act when they are in love and with their lover; being just friends is not better, it is the consolation prize. It makes me feel like a failure. Once again, I am a failure in the most important arena I know and the one that the rest of humanity, life, has no problem in.
Oh yeah, well Magic Eyes, that last paragraph you did not read. How could I let you read it? At best it would upset you, at worse it would coerce you into sex. I guess I am best friend material, I always thought that it would make me perfect boyfriend material. Time for a do over.
I have empathy. I have listened to women my entire life, well over twenty years; I said little but I listened. I have always been a lover of women, girls, even though it was socially unacceptable as a child; I never understood why. In high school I was the worst at talking with people and even worse with girls my own age, but still I listened. In university I started talking to and with women, I listened even then. Honestly though, I was very interested in sex, but because of my poor social skills, I could not actually complete the deal. I missed it when women were throwing themselves at me; I was clueless. But all my listening and paying attention did start to get me one thing though, female friends.
Some of these friends became my best friends, we talked about the girls that I liked and the guys that they liked and I realized that I could be completely honest except telling them, that they were the people that I loved. I listened to how their boyfriends were mean, or how they were assholes. I listened to their stories about how good they were in bed, knives twisting in my guts. And they rushed to tell me that they had just broken up and I owned the shoulder that they cried on, all the while I was secretly in love with them. When they had breakups I never rushed in to kiss them, I was their friend and I wanted them to have the time they needed before I told them. I was always too late.
Over the years, I tried my best to be their best friend. I did not make changes in my views to pick up, nor did I pick up my views to appear a better mate, I did it because I love women and I am their fan. Not many men do that. Most just continue being who they are and I am beginning to see that they were smart and had the right idea.
I have been the best friend to about ten or more women over the years, over twenty years. Some of them I broke the rule, don't fall in love with them. Okay usually I broke the rule and told them that I loved them. Many of them told me that I was way better than a boy friend, I was a friend. Many of them told me intimate details of their life, length and girth. But they never wanted to share intimacies with me. A few did. One because she was in need, and one because she loved and needed me. But mostly they ended because of betrayal, I betrayed them by being in love with them.
If I told my friends, all the female ones, that as I get to know them the more I like them and the more I love them. The longer I know them the more I love them. The more time I spend with them the more I love them. The longer I love them the deeper I love them. If I told them this, I would have no female friends. I love all of them.
I just can't stop. Age does not matter. Twenty years older twenty years younger, it does not matter. I want to do good by them all.
So when someone tells me that they want to just be friends, it breaks my heart, as far as I can tell, I will be destined to fall in love with them, listen to their trials and tribulations about their other relationships, knives twisting in my stomach, hear about how they love who they love, guts trailing behind me. I am tired of it, I want to have love come first or even better love come hand in hand with friendship, because I want what they want most.
But what has happened is that my best friends, women all, treat me as a friend because I am a already made person, but they fall in love with imperfect selfish men. They want to fix these men, they want to take care of these men, they want to party with these men. Typically, these men are immature, they can't keep money, they cheat, they lie and they get laid. I don't want to be these men, I want to be the person I am, but I really don't want to keep being a best friend man to women. It is hard, falling in love with women who think that you as their friend are better than their lover.
Maybe I can try this one last time. One last time I will be a woman's best friend. I will try not to fall in love with her. But I am close already, the more I get to know her the closer I get. How can I not love a person like her?
The thing is, this is the thing at the very heart of the matter, when someone tells me that they only want me as a friend and they tell me that it is better than as a lover, I think they are lying, that they just don't want to hurt my feelings. I have seen the way that women act when they are in love and with their lover; being just friends is not better, it is the consolation prize. It makes me feel like a failure. Once again, I am a failure in the most important arena I know and the one that the rest of humanity, life, has no problem in.
Oh yeah, well Magic Eyes, that last paragraph you did not read. How could I let you read it? At best it would upset you, at worse it would coerce you into sex. I guess I am best friend material, I always thought that it would make me perfect boyfriend material. Time for a do over.
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
To kiss would be bliss
So I spent about twenty-five hours with her, including the time that she was asleep in another room, on another bed. I picked her up at home and drove her to my house we talked and then I made food and then we ate food and she pretended to like it. We watched Doctor Who while she wore my sweater and then we went for a walk. And then I did an inappropriate thing and then she forgave me. Then we walked some more and we went wading in the water at midnight. No skinny dipping, my night vision is too good. We talked and then we walked some more and she noticed that there were northern lights in the sky so we walked to a darker location and watched them. Then we walked back to my place attempting to intice cats back to my place. Then I gave her a short massage before I nearly fell asleep and then I left her to go to my room. I fell asleep and then she fell asleep later. I woke up and wrote a blog entry and then she woke up and read my blog entry. I did something inappropriate before that and I had to rectify it, then she read my blog entry. And then we talked and cried.
She does not want to be more than friends: lovers, because she wanted to be more than lovers: friends. She sees talking as great and the entire point and does not want it to be a prelude to sex, because then it will be just that, a prelude to sex. And then what we were talking about will be lost and only the sex will remain in our memories. I see talking as great and see sex as an interlude, a intermission if you will, from which talk would continue after. Maybe I see it that way because if I saw it the other way nothing would get accomplished; we would just be having sex all the time. I don't see talking as a means to sex, rather sex as on it's own and talk on its own, two different things, two different unrelated things. At worst, I see sex as something to accomplish before we start to talk, because it clears the mind of stray emotions. Maybe something at the end, something once out of the way, life can continue. Which odd, I obsess over sex, but when I have it I usually do not enjoy it at all. If it was enjoyable perhaps I would not remember anything. Or maybe it is her, maybe sex for her clears her mind of what was said before.
Whatever the case, what I do know is that I enjoy talking to her and having her expand my mind to encompass other things. I really like hugging her, touch is something that I have not had a lot of in my life and I really love it when others touch me. Kissing, I want to kiss her. I have had relationships where people could not kiss me for some reason and I did not feel very connected to them. I have had casual relationships with lots of kissing and I have really enjoyed them. It would be nice to have kissing with someone I have a real connection with, though I suspect it might kill me. Sex would still be just an experiment, to see what the affects of it would be with her. Would I become her slave that she could order me off a cliff and I would comply. But, only if she wants to too, and not until after a long while. To kiss would be bliss.
She does not want to be more than friends: lovers, because she wanted to be more than lovers: friends. She sees talking as great and the entire point and does not want it to be a prelude to sex, because then it will be just that, a prelude to sex. And then what we were talking about will be lost and only the sex will remain in our memories. I see talking as great and see sex as an interlude, a intermission if you will, from which talk would continue after. Maybe I see it that way because if I saw it the other way nothing would get accomplished; we would just be having sex all the time. I don't see talking as a means to sex, rather sex as on it's own and talk on its own, two different things, two different unrelated things. At worst, I see sex as something to accomplish before we start to talk, because it clears the mind of stray emotions. Maybe something at the end, something once out of the way, life can continue. Which odd, I obsess over sex, but when I have it I usually do not enjoy it at all. If it was enjoyable perhaps I would not remember anything. Or maybe it is her, maybe sex for her clears her mind of what was said before.
Whatever the case, what I do know is that I enjoy talking to her and having her expand my mind to encompass other things. I really like hugging her, touch is something that I have not had a lot of in my life and I really love it when others touch me. Kissing, I want to kiss her. I have had relationships where people could not kiss me for some reason and I did not feel very connected to them. I have had casual relationships with lots of kissing and I have really enjoyed them. It would be nice to have kissing with someone I have a real connection with, though I suspect it might kill me. Sex would still be just an experiment, to see what the affects of it would be with her. Would I become her slave that she could order me off a cliff and I would comply. But, only if she wants to too, and not until after a long while. To kiss would be bliss.
Monday, 16 July 2012
Friends Only — Blech
The trouble is, is that I don't feel this way. And I do. I feel harmless to her. I feel like I could love her and fall in love with her and live my entire life with her and be happy. But she is looking for just a friend. And she told me that that there are two things about living in the boonies that she would never want to give up are her mother and me.
But I want to kiss her. I want to hug and kiss her for an hour, five hours. I want to kiss her so long that talking would be impossible because our lips would be numb and then I would like to make love to her. But she is not interested; it is Sheryl all over again, best friends for life. Why spoil a good thing. She even said something that Sheryl had said being just friends is a good thing.
But I have had a Sheryl relationship. I have had the pining, the withering and the frustration of being in love with someone and they don't get it nor want it, because they want only friendship more and I have experienced pressing her too far too often and the horror of losing her friendship.
Let me pause to wipe the tears from my eyes. Tears means this is hard for me.
Let me be clear, friendship would not be second best with Magic Eyes. I would love to be her best friend for the rest of her life. Honestly. Even if it stopped at this intimacy level, because I don't really have too many friends. I have one other close friend, Gardener Guru, and a family in the city, but then they all begin to drop away and all there is left is family. And that is all I have. Other friends have put distance between us, sometimes physical difference one has been living in a tropical poor country for for thirteen years, one is now on the other side of the planet. One has placed mental barriers to keep me away, what did I do to you? One has placed herself in another country, 50 km away.
So I could use another really good friend. But I don't want to befriend Sheryl again. I have tunnel vision, and when I was around Sheryl, I could never see anyone else. I explained it to her last night, when someone with autism is doing something, that is the only thing they are doing. When an autistic person is in love, there can be no one else. When an autistic person is with a friend, there are no other people in the world. So I don't think she gets that yet, I will fall in love with her, not because of anything, but because I will devote myself to her when I am near her and it will happen. And she does not want me to f all in love with her, so I will do my best not to. But when I am with her, I will be 100% with her. I am not sure she has had that before.
If she would kiss me.
So I am learning about this relationship thing. I make a really good friend. I am best friend material, that is clear now from one more source. But sex has to be introduced early into any relationship or it will never happen. Which is a shame because I can see how a long relationship without sex can be so much fun and how kissing can be an end in on itself. And I will be left wondering if sex and friendship is something I can have together.
It does not sound like I want this, Kathleen, but I do. I want to be your friend. I want to help you through the perils that you will face. I want to be your friend that you can talk to about anything; to be the repository of information that shall never pass my lips…. I would also like to share your bed, make love to you and devote those hours to making you happy in those other ways. Nine out of ten is not bad though.
I will always respect you,
Aubrey.
But I want to kiss her. I want to hug and kiss her for an hour, five hours. I want to kiss her so long that talking would be impossible because our lips would be numb and then I would like to make love to her. But she is not interested; it is Sheryl all over again, best friends for life. Why spoil a good thing. She even said something that Sheryl had said being just friends is a good thing.
But I have had a Sheryl relationship. I have had the pining, the withering and the frustration of being in love with someone and they don't get it nor want it, because they want only friendship more and I have experienced pressing her too far too often and the horror of losing her friendship.
Let me pause to wipe the tears from my eyes. Tears means this is hard for me.
Let me be clear, friendship would not be second best with Magic Eyes. I would love to be her best friend for the rest of her life. Honestly. Even if it stopped at this intimacy level, because I don't really have too many friends. I have one other close friend, Gardener Guru, and a family in the city, but then they all begin to drop away and all there is left is family. And that is all I have. Other friends have put distance between us, sometimes physical difference one has been living in a tropical poor country for for thirteen years, one is now on the other side of the planet. One has placed mental barriers to keep me away, what did I do to you? One has placed herself in another country, 50 km away.
So I could use another really good friend. But I don't want to befriend Sheryl again. I have tunnel vision, and when I was around Sheryl, I could never see anyone else. I explained it to her last night, when someone with autism is doing something, that is the only thing they are doing. When an autistic person is in love, there can be no one else. When an autistic person is with a friend, there are no other people in the world. So I don't think she gets that yet, I will fall in love with her, not because of anything, but because I will devote myself to her when I am near her and it will happen. And she does not want me to f all in love with her, so I will do my best not to. But when I am with her, I will be 100% with her. I am not sure she has had that before.
If she would kiss me.
So I am learning about this relationship thing. I make a really good friend. I am best friend material, that is clear now from one more source. But sex has to be introduced early into any relationship or it will never happen. Which is a shame because I can see how a long relationship without sex can be so much fun and how kissing can be an end in on itself. And I will be left wondering if sex and friendship is something I can have together.
It does not sound like I want this, Kathleen, but I do. I want to be your friend. I want to help you through the perils that you will face. I want to be your friend that you can talk to about anything; to be the repository of information that shall never pass my lips…. I would also like to share your bed, make love to you and devote those hours to making you happy in those other ways. Nine out of ten is not bad though.
I will always respect you,
Aubrey.
Thursday, 12 July 2012
NIMBY
So what is with this green energy thing. Okay I have blogged before on this, but it keeps coming up. People ask how do you get solar energy at night and other dumb stuff like that.
Energy usage looks something like a curve with the peak of energy being used in the middle of the day and the low points in the middle of the night, so from that we see that when the sun is up we use the most energy and solar energy can be generated for the the time that it is most needed.
What about clouds? If we have solar plants all over the place some areas will be in the sun and others under cloud, solar generation can take place even on cloudy days. It is not perfect but it is very useful.
What about power at night? We come to wind power. The wind usually blows strongest at night, and strongest in the winter time. It does blow during the day too, so generation can supplement generation at day and can be run at night too. Again with a lot of wind turbines spread all over the country, power can be generated somewhere even when the wind is not blowing.
What if there is no wind and it is overcast? At night? There are other green power sources that generate power in the absence of light and wind. There is hydro electric plants. They work wherever there is water and a drop. There is geothermal. Both can be turned on when there is an absence or a shortage of wind and light.
Solar generation can be generated in many places, more places than you could imagine, many more. Solar generation can be on the roof of your house. Solar generation must be located in clear to the sun locations so roofs are ideal locations. Also, it would be best if the area was not being used for other things, like farming, so farms would be bad to have a lot of solar collectors. Roads and road sides do not use the light of the sun so, they would be good locations to build solar collectors. Railroads, between the rails, on the sides, on the trains itself. On cars. On the water if you wanted.
Wind can be generated in your back yard. Large turbines could be in farmer's fields, because the amount of sunlight it covers is small. Height it important, because wind blows harder higher up, so hills are better than valleys. Low surface roughness is good too, that means few variations in height, like trees. So hills are better, so are lakes and oceans. Indeed water locations are better because water can generate winds too. High locations beside water is best. Urban locations are good because they create wind tunnels, extra windy locations where the wind is focused. Tall buildings would also be good locations. But not every building, because wind turbines disrupt the wind as the wind passes through it and it takes distance to renew the wind's flow. Dependent on the speed of the wind. With gentle breezes turbines create a little turbulence, stiff winds creat more. So there is an ideal location for turbines based on the historical wind variations.
Hydroelectric generation must occur near flowing water where there is a difference in height. The water pressure or the falling water generates that electricity. Most large rivers have been damned, but many of the smaller locations have not so there is potential still to be gathered. Large reservoirs can allow power generation at any time, just by opening the turbines to water.
Geothermal can be operated anywhere, but some locations are easier than others. In America's Yellowstone national park, a few hundred meters of drilling is only necessary to generate power, other locations deeper holes must be drilled, but the effect would be the same, power at anytime.
Other forms of heat generation I have talked about before, like heating water by drawing the heat from the air or water reserves. Drawing energy in reverse refrigeration units. Compressors compress carbon dioxide gas in a closed water heater, move the compressed gas outside or into another liquid or a gas and decompress the carbon dioxide. The decompressing gas removes heat from the surrounding material. The decompressed gas moves back into the water heater and is compressed, releasing the gained energy heating the water. The heat of the compressor also is dissipated into the water heater. This style of water heater is 4x as effective as a standard electric water heater. The heated water can be used in house heating or for hot water.
One of the issues that we have with green energy is storing the excess energy if we should produce more in off peak times than is required. Batteries are one solution, large bulky transport boxes of energy that would sit on the grid ready to boost power levels on the grid if usage should change. There are detractors from this idea and there are people that think this is the solution, but this is not the only solution. It has been suggested that compressors be run of excess power to creat large compressed gas reserves under ground or in the water which can be released when power generation is low to run turbines to generate more power.
Then there are micro generation resources, powering your cell phone with the movement of your legs, the steps of your runners, generating power with your clothing, generating power when you open or close doors, rain falling through the eaves waste water traveling down from the second story, and if I heard correctly medical devices implanted in your body that run off the sugars in your blood.
Where will it go? What will the next step be. I can picture a fake tree in a park the leaves rustling in the wind. The leaves completely synthetic solar collectors, the leaves are attached to the twigs that collect power from the wind moving them the branches collect more power and the trunk collects more power. The tree provides shade in the summer and the leaves stay attached all winter long. The power generated would go into the grid or batteries. At night the tree would light up with LEDs placed at the tip of the veins on the leaves and provide light from the power it created. They might line city parks and streets providing power from wind and sun and maybe from ambient heat and light the streets at night.
Energy usage looks something like a curve with the peak of energy being used in the middle of the day and the low points in the middle of the night, so from that we see that when the sun is up we use the most energy and solar energy can be generated for the the time that it is most needed.
What about clouds? If we have solar plants all over the place some areas will be in the sun and others under cloud, solar generation can take place even on cloudy days. It is not perfect but it is very useful.
What about power at night? We come to wind power. The wind usually blows strongest at night, and strongest in the winter time. It does blow during the day too, so generation can supplement generation at day and can be run at night too. Again with a lot of wind turbines spread all over the country, power can be generated somewhere even when the wind is not blowing.
What if there is no wind and it is overcast? At night? There are other green power sources that generate power in the absence of light and wind. There is hydro electric plants. They work wherever there is water and a drop. There is geothermal. Both can be turned on when there is an absence or a shortage of wind and light.
Solar generation can be generated in many places, more places than you could imagine, many more. Solar generation can be on the roof of your house. Solar generation must be located in clear to the sun locations so roofs are ideal locations. Also, it would be best if the area was not being used for other things, like farming, so farms would be bad to have a lot of solar collectors. Roads and road sides do not use the light of the sun so, they would be good locations to build solar collectors. Railroads, between the rails, on the sides, on the trains itself. On cars. On the water if you wanted.
Wind can be generated in your back yard. Large turbines could be in farmer's fields, because the amount of sunlight it covers is small. Height it important, because wind blows harder higher up, so hills are better than valleys. Low surface roughness is good too, that means few variations in height, like trees. So hills are better, so are lakes and oceans. Indeed water locations are better because water can generate winds too. High locations beside water is best. Urban locations are good because they create wind tunnels, extra windy locations where the wind is focused. Tall buildings would also be good locations. But not every building, because wind turbines disrupt the wind as the wind passes through it and it takes distance to renew the wind's flow. Dependent on the speed of the wind. With gentle breezes turbines create a little turbulence, stiff winds creat more. So there is an ideal location for turbines based on the historical wind variations.
Hydroelectric generation must occur near flowing water where there is a difference in height. The water pressure or the falling water generates that electricity. Most large rivers have been damned, but many of the smaller locations have not so there is potential still to be gathered. Large reservoirs can allow power generation at any time, just by opening the turbines to water.
Geothermal can be operated anywhere, but some locations are easier than others. In America's Yellowstone national park, a few hundred meters of drilling is only necessary to generate power, other locations deeper holes must be drilled, but the effect would be the same, power at anytime.
Other forms of heat generation I have talked about before, like heating water by drawing the heat from the air or water reserves. Drawing energy in reverse refrigeration units. Compressors compress carbon dioxide gas in a closed water heater, move the compressed gas outside or into another liquid or a gas and decompress the carbon dioxide. The decompressing gas removes heat from the surrounding material. The decompressed gas moves back into the water heater and is compressed, releasing the gained energy heating the water. The heat of the compressor also is dissipated into the water heater. This style of water heater is 4x as effective as a standard electric water heater. The heated water can be used in house heating or for hot water.
One of the issues that we have with green energy is storing the excess energy if we should produce more in off peak times than is required. Batteries are one solution, large bulky transport boxes of energy that would sit on the grid ready to boost power levels on the grid if usage should change. There are detractors from this idea and there are people that think this is the solution, but this is not the only solution. It has been suggested that compressors be run of excess power to creat large compressed gas reserves under ground or in the water which can be released when power generation is low to run turbines to generate more power.
Then there are micro generation resources, powering your cell phone with the movement of your legs, the steps of your runners, generating power with your clothing, generating power when you open or close doors, rain falling through the eaves waste water traveling down from the second story, and if I heard correctly medical devices implanted in your body that run off the sugars in your blood.
Where will it go? What will the next step be. I can picture a fake tree in a park the leaves rustling in the wind. The leaves completely synthetic solar collectors, the leaves are attached to the twigs that collect power from the wind moving them the branches collect more power and the trunk collects more power. The tree provides shade in the summer and the leaves stay attached all winter long. The power generated would go into the grid or batteries. At night the tree would light up with LEDs placed at the tip of the veins on the leaves and provide light from the power it created. They might line city parks and streets providing power from wind and sun and maybe from ambient heat and light the streets at night.
Sunday, 8 July 2012
The long road to disaster
Sometimes I have to wonder if people are conscious that they are changing their opinion based on someone else's choice?
I am aware that I sometimes agree with someone when I don't. Sometimes I do this because it is easier to agree with someone than to disagree, like when you know that by disagreeing you might start and argument that you don't want to have at this point of your life you just want to continue without the disruption. But sometimes we just let it slide because we like the person and we want them to like us more and it was not a huge leap of difference between our own ideals.
Sometimes we see their point of view and we slowly start agreeing with them so we can hang out with them, but this is not why we hang out with people. We blend out beliefs with others. It is a partnership to stop ourselves from going to radical from others out there.
It is important to look at your loved one and occasionally tell them that you disagree with a point of theirs. If you do this you will be helping them to become more like you and strengthen the relationship, prevent blowups in the future and relieve personal stress. Maybe you will have more fights, but they will be arguments, an airing of opinions and not relationship ending stuff or fisticuffs.
Maybe I am just trying to get people to open up, maybe I can see when I agree with someone because they believe something and I want to be with them. Or maybe it is because I don't want someone I know to make the mistakes of their past. Sometimes I do this and I wonder if that is a problem I do too.
Time to go. I can't remember what a agreed to without believing, but I know I have done it.
I am aware that I sometimes agree with someone when I don't. Sometimes I do this because it is easier to agree with someone than to disagree, like when you know that by disagreeing you might start and argument that you don't want to have at this point of your life you just want to continue without the disruption. But sometimes we just let it slide because we like the person and we want them to like us more and it was not a huge leap of difference between our own ideals.
Sometimes we see their point of view and we slowly start agreeing with them so we can hang out with them, but this is not why we hang out with people. We blend out beliefs with others. It is a partnership to stop ourselves from going to radical from others out there.
It is important to look at your loved one and occasionally tell them that you disagree with a point of theirs. If you do this you will be helping them to become more like you and strengthen the relationship, prevent blowups in the future and relieve personal stress. Maybe you will have more fights, but they will be arguments, an airing of opinions and not relationship ending stuff or fisticuffs.
Maybe I am just trying to get people to open up, maybe I can see when I agree with someone because they believe something and I want to be with them. Or maybe it is because I don't want someone I know to make the mistakes of their past. Sometimes I do this and I wonder if that is a problem I do too.
Time to go. I can't remember what a agreed to without believing, but I know I have done it.
Friday, 6 July 2012
Magic Eyes
Go to bed! You need your sleep. For tomorrow. I am mind provoking, you might not sleep if you read what I wrote. So go to sleep.
Living wall
So I feel that when I am writing to an audience I write to that audience, and I know that the person I am going to be talking about will be reading this post, but I will try to ignore that fact and write like, you Magic Eyes, are not reading this.
Her smell is intoxicating. I want to make love to her and when ever I get a text from her, unexpectantly, I harden up. When she suggests we meet I harden up. When I hug her, I harden up. Usually this only happens after sex. I don't care if I have sex with her, traditionally sex is not that important for me, mostly because it does not do anything for me, usually. But when I am in love, it is the best thing. I don't know if I am in love. I like her, a lot, but part of me thinks we are rushing, which is funny because we have yet to kiss.
I made quite a few dumb comments this not date, all about moving to the next level. There is no level. There are no dates. I know that she just wants to be friends and if I make these comments and she complies I feel that she might be doing it because I want it and she doesn't. I really like her I want to kiss her. I want to spend hours just kissing. I also want to hug her and I want to spend hours hugging her too. And I know if I do either I will want to make love to her very strongly and I will be very very hard. But I really like going slowly.
I have always been in a rush to remove my clothes. My first datish I was a real dork, back when I was a virgin, and I wanted to get intimate and she wanted to get intimate, but we were both quiet until we called each other after the date and she said what she wanted to do. I am still a dork, but every relationship has been removing clothing quickly and no getting to know each other and I have always felt that I was missing something. Now I am not missing it and I really like it; I want more. Just sitting around talking and going slow is wonderful. Same time I want to time warp a head and make love to her. No, actually I don't. I think if I started kissing her I would be dry humping her through her clothes, but I don't want to have sex. But I do.
The thing is every time someone gets in a relationship they mention the same thing, that they never went slow and they jumped in the sack almost right away and the last one, that they wished that they had a lover that they waited and got to know them and they had not jumped in the sack right away, but they never have; they usually say this naked under the sheets in post sex bliss. But now I am getting lessons on doing this now and I really like it.
My first blooper comment I forget, but it was along the lines that the date would be only good if she kissed me. And that was a lie. It was a great not date. The next one was that I brought up something from her profile said that she usually had sex on the first date. And these were all stupid, because they did not apply. I was having a great time not kissing her and I was enjoying her company without sex and those comments were risking that and our special relationship. Our relationship is not about how quickly we can cover the various stages of a relationship, but covering the naturally. We have hugged once on one long not date. Once in the car on another and another hug. Then this last date we were hugging a lot, like once, twice and four times in the car. We both like hugging, but I am afraid.
When we first started we were dating in real, but then she decided that she did not want to date; she did not want to be in a relationship because she did not like her behaviour when she was dating. She said that she became the person that she thought they wanted her to be. She wanted to focus on herself, to develop her own personality, to become a real person. I want her to be that person. I want her to be all she can be. If she is the best person she is deeper and will be a person whom I can appreciate and I can love deeper. But, she knows that I want that. I revel that she seems to desire it, but fear that she is doing it because she likes me and knows that I want it. I fear that me being around her has changed her. I have broken up with people for this reason. More than once.
She ended the relationship because she was afraid of hurting me. But then we went out again and had a really good long emotionally deep talk and we dropped a lot of baggage and expectations in each others laps. And then we spent a week apart and then we saw each other briefly and then had another non date three days later and although we were not all over each other, I am not sure who is the one holding back.
Our next date may be in the middle of e week or it might be in the next couple of days, or it might be as planned on Saturday night through to Sunday afternoon, a sleep over. Not a sex over. I think if it starts to go that way I will be upset, she will be upset and the relationship would collapse. It would be great because I think it would be magical, but everything would be over. The full moment at some future date that might never come to pass, would not.
We sat in the car before she got out and she asked if I wanted to car hug again. Last time I bit her lightly, I resolved that I would not do this again and told her so. We did. My face was pressed against her neck. She accused me of smelling her, it had not occurred to me and I instantly wanted to. She asked me if I wanted to hug again, I did. We hugged and in inhaled and I wanted to bite her on her neck. I mouthed her instead, I wanted to kiss her. We hugged again. She asked if I wanted to hug her a last time and I dutifully turned it back to her and made it her choice. I was happy after she hugged me, but I wondered as I drove away with my erection, did she want to hug me or did she hug me because I wanted to hug her.
Did I mention her scent is intoxicating and that I am turned on by her call?
Her smell is intoxicating. I want to make love to her and when ever I get a text from her, unexpectantly, I harden up. When she suggests we meet I harden up. When I hug her, I harden up. Usually this only happens after sex. I don't care if I have sex with her, traditionally sex is not that important for me, mostly because it does not do anything for me, usually. But when I am in love, it is the best thing. I don't know if I am in love. I like her, a lot, but part of me thinks we are rushing, which is funny because we have yet to kiss.
I made quite a few dumb comments this not date, all about moving to the next level. There is no level. There are no dates. I know that she just wants to be friends and if I make these comments and she complies I feel that she might be doing it because I want it and she doesn't. I really like her I want to kiss her. I want to spend hours just kissing. I also want to hug her and I want to spend hours hugging her too. And I know if I do either I will want to make love to her very strongly and I will be very very hard. But I really like going slowly.
I have always been in a rush to remove my clothes. My first datish I was a real dork, back when I was a virgin, and I wanted to get intimate and she wanted to get intimate, but we were both quiet until we called each other after the date and she said what she wanted to do. I am still a dork, but every relationship has been removing clothing quickly and no getting to know each other and I have always felt that I was missing something. Now I am not missing it and I really like it; I want more. Just sitting around talking and going slow is wonderful. Same time I want to time warp a head and make love to her. No, actually I don't. I think if I started kissing her I would be dry humping her through her clothes, but I don't want to have sex. But I do.
The thing is every time someone gets in a relationship they mention the same thing, that they never went slow and they jumped in the sack almost right away and the last one, that they wished that they had a lover that they waited and got to know them and they had not jumped in the sack right away, but they never have; they usually say this naked under the sheets in post sex bliss. But now I am getting lessons on doing this now and I really like it.
My first blooper comment I forget, but it was along the lines that the date would be only good if she kissed me. And that was a lie. It was a great not date. The next one was that I brought up something from her profile said that she usually had sex on the first date. And these were all stupid, because they did not apply. I was having a great time not kissing her and I was enjoying her company without sex and those comments were risking that and our special relationship. Our relationship is not about how quickly we can cover the various stages of a relationship, but covering the naturally. We have hugged once on one long not date. Once in the car on another and another hug. Then this last date we were hugging a lot, like once, twice and four times in the car. We both like hugging, but I am afraid.
When we first started we were dating in real, but then she decided that she did not want to date; she did not want to be in a relationship because she did not like her behaviour when she was dating. She said that she became the person that she thought they wanted her to be. She wanted to focus on herself, to develop her own personality, to become a real person. I want her to be that person. I want her to be all she can be. If she is the best person she is deeper and will be a person whom I can appreciate and I can love deeper. But, she knows that I want that. I revel that she seems to desire it, but fear that she is doing it because she likes me and knows that I want it. I fear that me being around her has changed her. I have broken up with people for this reason. More than once.
She ended the relationship because she was afraid of hurting me. But then we went out again and had a really good long emotionally deep talk and we dropped a lot of baggage and expectations in each others laps. And then we spent a week apart and then we saw each other briefly and then had another non date three days later and although we were not all over each other, I am not sure who is the one holding back.
Our next date may be in the middle of e week or it might be in the next couple of days, or it might be as planned on Saturday night through to Sunday afternoon, a sleep over. Not a sex over. I think if it starts to go that way I will be upset, she will be upset and the relationship would collapse. It would be great because I think it would be magical, but everything would be over. The full moment at some future date that might never come to pass, would not.
We sat in the car before she got out and she asked if I wanted to car hug again. Last time I bit her lightly, I resolved that I would not do this again and told her so. We did. My face was pressed against her neck. She accused me of smelling her, it had not occurred to me and I instantly wanted to. She asked me if I wanted to hug again, I did. We hugged and in inhaled and I wanted to bite her on her neck. I mouthed her instead, I wanted to kiss her. We hugged again. She asked if I wanted to hug her a last time and I dutifully turned it back to her and made it her choice. I was happy after she hugged me, but I wondered as I drove away with my erection, did she want to hug me or did she hug me because I wanted to hug her.
Did I mention her scent is intoxicating and that I am turned on by her call?
Monday, 2 July 2012
New experience
Discrimination
Okay white male in a white country, I have felt discrimination. I might be over reacting. I went into a East Indian Grocery Store to purchase samosas I waited in line and my turn I asked for a very large number of samosas and there was more than enough. I needed comfort food in Boonieland from the Big Smoke. There was a line behind me and the cashier asked me to wait while she served the others. I was fine with that, so I waited.
The next five people took ten minutes to process. The fourth took ten samosas and there was lots left over. The fifth took forty samosas, the same number I wanted and there was none left over. She then told me that there would be none available for a few hours. I felt cheated. I was the only white person and all the Indian people got served.
But I felt discriminated upon, and that was a valuable lesson, because as a white male in a white country, when was I going to ever get that feeling?
Okay white male in a white country, I have felt discrimination. I might be over reacting. I went into a East Indian Grocery Store to purchase samosas I waited in line and my turn I asked for a very large number of samosas and there was more than enough. I needed comfort food in Boonieland from the Big Smoke. There was a line behind me and the cashier asked me to wait while she served the others. I was fine with that, so I waited.
The next five people took ten minutes to process. The fourth took ten samosas and there was lots left over. The fifth took forty samosas, the same number I wanted and there was none left over. She then told me that there would be none available for a few hours. I felt cheated. I was the only white person and all the Indian people got served.
But I felt discriminated upon, and that was a valuable lesson, because as a white male in a white country, when was I going to ever get that feeling?
Two hearts beat as ?
Two hearts beat as one is kind of stupid.
But it is kind of neat to think that. I see a girl whom I like who I see as valuable, I see as my equal in many ways, my inferior in many ways and my superior in every way else.
Isn't that the way it should be?
Socially she has experienced life as I will never experience. She wants to push her boundaries in ways that I wish I could. Jumping out of an airplane, jumping off a bridge; she wants to do these things, albeit with a parachute and a bungee cord attached respectfully. To me both are akin to suicide, safety devices aside, one is pushing death. I have my own relationship with death and it is not that way. I know jumping off a bridge is not a biggie and there have been very 7few accidents, and jumping out of an airplane the same.
I admire that she wishes to push herself this way, but not me.
Her book learning is not science related, she has the intelligence and the eagerness but not the exposure. That is it, my only advantage over her. This is how I see her. It is how I see everyone. No one is dumb anyone with desire can learn with the right teacher. She can exceed me.
Equal, we are politically equal in many ways. She is probably my superior with much of it because her ideas are formed completely. She is a feminist and a woman, so she has experienced what it was like to be a girl and a woman. She also let me into why she sees transgender people as how she sees them. As follows:
Born as a male becoming a woman, are usually lesbians, but not always. They grew up male, the patriarchic top role, who has the power? Men do. They grew up with the male power structure, they benefitted from it and they choose to be female but they could not divorce this upbringing. All the discrimination women faced growing up and the stereotypes and the sexism that all women feel, they did not feel. They chose to be female but they did not survive the challenges and they are receiving the benefits of both worlds. Do they have the right to be female? Do they have the right to be in born girl rooms? They grew up being e predators of women they are just women by gender not by experience, so they should not get in. Besides the predator nature of male hood is something hard not to be; we men dine on women visually and they feel that.
Born female, became men she did not get into much other than to say that they know what it was to grow up as a girl, as prey to men, with the sexual moulding that their gender masters pushed on them.
I could love her. I fell in love with More Passive Than Rain. Magic Eyes has flaws defects and has had her struggles. She is emerging from her struggles, believing that she has a far to go, but I see her as almost there. She will read this, likely in the next day, so I care that she needs to know that whatever my feelings on her personal development, she should go until she is ready. I will be there for her.
I contrive for a reason to hold her. Seek a reason to kiss her. Seek but never push. I feel that if I went to her and said that I would like to hold her she would consent, because she likes me. I like her.
But it is kind of neat to think that. I see a girl whom I like who I see as valuable, I see as my equal in many ways, my inferior in many ways and my superior in every way else.
Isn't that the way it should be?
Socially she has experienced life as I will never experience. She wants to push her boundaries in ways that I wish I could. Jumping out of an airplane, jumping off a bridge; she wants to do these things, albeit with a parachute and a bungee cord attached respectfully. To me both are akin to suicide, safety devices aside, one is pushing death. I have my own relationship with death and it is not that way. I know jumping off a bridge is not a biggie and there have been very 7few accidents, and jumping out of an airplane the same.
I admire that she wishes to push herself this way, but not me.
Her book learning is not science related, she has the intelligence and the eagerness but not the exposure. That is it, my only advantage over her. This is how I see her. It is how I see everyone. No one is dumb anyone with desire can learn with the right teacher. She can exceed me.
Equal, we are politically equal in many ways. She is probably my superior with much of it because her ideas are formed completely. She is a feminist and a woman, so she has experienced what it was like to be a girl and a woman. She also let me into why she sees transgender people as how she sees them. As follows:
Born as a male becoming a woman, are usually lesbians, but not always. They grew up male, the patriarchic top role, who has the power? Men do. They grew up with the male power structure, they benefitted from it and they choose to be female but they could not divorce this upbringing. All the discrimination women faced growing up and the stereotypes and the sexism that all women feel, they did not feel. They chose to be female but they did not survive the challenges and they are receiving the benefits of both worlds. Do they have the right to be female? Do they have the right to be in born girl rooms? They grew up being e predators of women they are just women by gender not by experience, so they should not get in. Besides the predator nature of male hood is something hard not to be; we men dine on women visually and they feel that.
Born female, became men she did not get into much other than to say that they know what it was to grow up as a girl, as prey to men, with the sexual moulding that their gender masters pushed on them.
I could love her. I fell in love with More Passive Than Rain. Magic Eyes has flaws defects and has had her struggles. She is emerging from her struggles, believing that she has a far to go, but I see her as almost there. She will read this, likely in the next day, so I care that she needs to know that whatever my feelings on her personal development, she should go until she is ready. I will be there for her.
I contrive for a reason to hold her. Seek a reason to kiss her. Seek but never push. I feel that if I went to her and said that I would like to hold her she would consent, because she likes me. I like her.
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