One of the things that Asperger's people are supposed to hate is noise. I found this a little confusing and I thought this might be the part of me that was not true Asperger's. Not any more.
Noise dose not bother me, for the most part. I am sensitive to the sound of electronics, I can hear the electricity buzzing if I relax, but loud, soft or annoying I am fine with, but I prefer noise to be on the quiet side. When I was a kid some sounds really bothered me but things like that can go away, if they are no longer present in your life.
Yelling bothers me a lot. Loud argument within ear shot of me makes me want to crawl out of my skin. All the times where I was most uncomfortable was when there was a lot of shouting around me. I get very anxious.
Saturday, 28 January 2012
Monday, 23 January 2012
Lúthien
Just the opening, because I realize that hardly anyone would have a copy of the 4000+ line poem.
A king there was in days of old:
ere Men yet walked upon the mould
his power was reared in cavern's shade,
his hand was over glen and glade.
His shields were shining as the moon, 5
his lances keen of steel were hewn,
of silver grey his corona was wrought,
the starlight in his banners caught;
and silver thrilled his trumpets long
beneath the stars in challenge strong; 10
enchantments did his realm enfold,
where might and glory, wealth untold,
he wielded from his ivory throne
in many-pillared halls of stone.
There beryl, pearl, and opal pale, 15
and metal wrought like fishes' mail,
and gleaming spears were laid in hoard-
all these he had and loved them less
than a maiden once in Elfinesse; 20
for fairies than are born to Men
a daughter had he, Lúthien.
A king there was in days of old:
ere Men yet walked upon the mould
his power was reared in cavern's shade,
his hand was over glen and glade.
His shields were shining as the moon, 5
his lances keen of steel were hewn,
of silver grey his corona was wrought,
the starlight in his banners caught;
and silver thrilled his trumpets long
beneath the stars in challenge strong; 10
enchantments did his realm enfold,
where might and glory, wealth untold,
he wielded from his ivory throne
in many-pillared halls of stone.
There beryl, pearl, and opal pale, 15
and metal wrought like fishes' mail,
and gleaming spears were laid in hoard-
all these he had and loved them less
than a maiden once in Elfinesse; 20
for fairies than are born to Men
a daughter had he, Lúthien.
Saturday, 21 January 2012
Heart to Heart
So computer programmers like to give other new computer programmers tests to see how good they are. The make them make computer games. Simple computer games are good, but the more complex the better. Poker for instance is really tough to program well. Crazy Eights or Go Fish, is easy. Solitaire pretty simple, because it is just patterns. Hearts though, is middle of the road in complexity.
Hear are the rules. Deal out to four players all the cards in the deck, no jokers please. The player with the two of clubs leads with that card. the leading character can lead with what ever card he wishes as long as it is not a heart until another player has played a heart, or the lead has no other cards to play. When the lead plays a card of one suit, all the other players must play another of that suit, unless they have no cards of that suit, then they may play another suit. The player that has played the highest value of the lead's suit, (aces high, twos low) becomes the new lead and can play any card that they want next. When all the cards have been played the players count the number of hearts in their cards they have won and this counts as the score. Lowest score is the winner. Or the first player over 100 points loses and the lowest score has one.
That is the basics, but there is more. Each heart is worth one heart, but the Queen of Spades is worth more, often 13 points. When the hand is first dealt each player selects the three cards that he feels hurt him the most and removes them from his had and passes them to another player. The first match they are passed to the right, the second to the left, the next to the person across from you and lastly you keep what was dealt to you. There is one more very important rule, if one player amasses all the points a hand can give him, his score is counted as zero and all the other players get a maximum score instead. There are variations to the rules all over the place. My family plays with the ten of heart worth ten points instead of one and we have a three man alternate game each player gets 17 cards and the last card goes to the winner of the first round, which means if you are going for all the cards you need to get the first one too, just incase it has a heart in it.
Programming this game is difficult but not as hard as poker. Typically the extra players are programmed to get the lowest scoring hands and to avoid the wild cards like the Queen of Spades, but the really best programmers put strategies to try to get all the cards. I have one game that I do poorly in but I have another that I am winning most of the time, I am winning about ninety percent of the time. In that game, the computer usually discards three high value cards in one suit, while I discard my low value cards, this has let me get all the points about twice per game. If the game learned from my style I would be screwed. The harder game discards seemingly at random and is more like playing against a person.
Hear are the rules. Deal out to four players all the cards in the deck, no jokers please. The player with the two of clubs leads with that card. the leading character can lead with what ever card he wishes as long as it is not a heart until another player has played a heart, or the lead has no other cards to play. When the lead plays a card of one suit, all the other players must play another of that suit, unless they have no cards of that suit, then they may play another suit. The player that has played the highest value of the lead's suit, (aces high, twos low) becomes the new lead and can play any card that they want next. When all the cards have been played the players count the number of hearts in their cards they have won and this counts as the score. Lowest score is the winner. Or the first player over 100 points loses and the lowest score has one.
That is the basics, but there is more. Each heart is worth one heart, but the Queen of Spades is worth more, often 13 points. When the hand is first dealt each player selects the three cards that he feels hurt him the most and removes them from his had and passes them to another player. The first match they are passed to the right, the second to the left, the next to the person across from you and lastly you keep what was dealt to you. There is one more very important rule, if one player amasses all the points a hand can give him, his score is counted as zero and all the other players get a maximum score instead. There are variations to the rules all over the place. My family plays with the ten of heart worth ten points instead of one and we have a three man alternate game each player gets 17 cards and the last card goes to the winner of the first round, which means if you are going for all the cards you need to get the first one too, just incase it has a heart in it.
Programming this game is difficult but not as hard as poker. Typically the extra players are programmed to get the lowest scoring hands and to avoid the wild cards like the Queen of Spades, but the really best programmers put strategies to try to get all the cards. I have one game that I do poorly in but I have another that I am winning most of the time, I am winning about ninety percent of the time. In that game, the computer usually discards three high value cards in one suit, while I discard my low value cards, this has let me get all the points about twice per game. If the game learned from my style I would be screwed. The harder game discards seemingly at random and is more like playing against a person.
Star Trek Universe made real
Why would we journey to another planet?
We would go so that we would not die if/when the Earth becomes uninhabitable. If we don't leave the solar system that will assuredly happen.
Would we do the Star Trek thing? No, the current physics does not support that. The physics does not really support any travel to new planets outside our home system. There are theoretical transportation types, but for the most part they are impractical.
How would we move out of our system? I think that we have a couple technologies that we need to develop, to perfect before it is really possible.
1. A system of travel needs to be perfected. It does not need to be fast, but if it were faster that would be better, but either way, the transport would have to be able to de-accelerate and that is the trouble now. The craft must be accelerated beyond the escape velocity of the solar system and directed beyond to e next system to be colonized. It must be able to navigate the space in between stars and pass unsuitable stars and planets. This means a great deal of velocity and this means a great deal of braking as well. What is the use of getting off planet only to make a crater on the other side.
2. The quantum computer. The quantum computer runs with atoms acting as the bits of information. A very small bit of matter would be able to act as a computer and storage device capable of storing every chunk of data created by humanity. It would be able to store that and the code for every kind of molecule and DNA pattern on the face of the Earth. It can do all that and build and run very complex machines that could terraform any sizable chunk of mass that it would encounter. And that leads us to the third component
3. A cornucopia machine. This theorized machine uses a quantum computer to build whatever we need. It is not as fast as Star Trek's replicator, but it is more versatile. When the space craft lands it will start replicating nano machines, the nano machines will start mining the landscape and start building power generators, solar likely. The power will then be used to creat more nano machines. The nano machines will hit a critical mass and start building micro-organisms that can exist on the mass. If the mass is too small, it will start building enclosures so the organisms can start to change the environment. The machine will modify the environment, then it will start building artificial wombs and start creating artificial humans for the wombs, robots to see to the human's needs and education, it will start to build food for the humans to eat.
The problem with space travel is that it is incredibly expensive. To put a person in orbit one has to put everything that the human needs to survive for the duration of the trip. For a week this is not much, a seat, food and water, a supply of a supply of breathable air, shielding from the dangers of space and a really big diaper. For several months to years, the human needs all that and space to keep fit mentally and physically and lots of power to maintain it all. All this requires mass. The energy needed to move mass is the same just proportional to that mass.
To move a small rock out of the solar system and slow it down when it gets where it is going is beyond our current understanding, but to move a million times that mass to the next star, is a million times beyond our understanding.
So for humans to leave the solar system, we will have to breed machines that will build us, once a livable place has been built on other planets in other star systems.
One really neat side effect of this method of spreading humanity through the galaxy is that on each New Earth, humanity would evolve separately from the others and if they eventually did reestablish contact with each other after a few thousand years, it would be like Star Trek, hundreds of near humans that can breed with each other; the same form evolving on hundreds of different worlds
We would go so that we would not die if/when the Earth becomes uninhabitable. If we don't leave the solar system that will assuredly happen.
Would we do the Star Trek thing? No, the current physics does not support that. The physics does not really support any travel to new planets outside our home system. There are theoretical transportation types, but for the most part they are impractical.
How would we move out of our system? I think that we have a couple technologies that we need to develop, to perfect before it is really possible.
1. A system of travel needs to be perfected. It does not need to be fast, but if it were faster that would be better, but either way, the transport would have to be able to de-accelerate and that is the trouble now. The craft must be accelerated beyond the escape velocity of the solar system and directed beyond to e next system to be colonized. It must be able to navigate the space in between stars and pass unsuitable stars and planets. This means a great deal of velocity and this means a great deal of braking as well. What is the use of getting off planet only to make a crater on the other side.
2. The quantum computer. The quantum computer runs with atoms acting as the bits of information. A very small bit of matter would be able to act as a computer and storage device capable of storing every chunk of data created by humanity. It would be able to store that and the code for every kind of molecule and DNA pattern on the face of the Earth. It can do all that and build and run very complex machines that could terraform any sizable chunk of mass that it would encounter. And that leads us to the third component
3. A cornucopia machine. This theorized machine uses a quantum computer to build whatever we need. It is not as fast as Star Trek's replicator, but it is more versatile. When the space craft lands it will start replicating nano machines, the nano machines will start mining the landscape and start building power generators, solar likely. The power will then be used to creat more nano machines. The nano machines will hit a critical mass and start building micro-organisms that can exist on the mass. If the mass is too small, it will start building enclosures so the organisms can start to change the environment. The machine will modify the environment, then it will start building artificial wombs and start creating artificial humans for the wombs, robots to see to the human's needs and education, it will start to build food for the humans to eat.
The problem with space travel is that it is incredibly expensive. To put a person in orbit one has to put everything that the human needs to survive for the duration of the trip. For a week this is not much, a seat, food and water, a supply of a supply of breathable air, shielding from the dangers of space and a really big diaper. For several months to years, the human needs all that and space to keep fit mentally and physically and lots of power to maintain it all. All this requires mass. The energy needed to move mass is the same just proportional to that mass.
To move a small rock out of the solar system and slow it down when it gets where it is going is beyond our current understanding, but to move a million times that mass to the next star, is a million times beyond our understanding.
So for humans to leave the solar system, we will have to breed machines that will build us, once a livable place has been built on other planets in other star systems.
One really neat side effect of this method of spreading humanity through the galaxy is that on each New Earth, humanity would evolve separately from the others and if they eventually did reestablish contact with each other after a few thousand years, it would be like Star Trek, hundreds of near humans that can breed with each other; the same form evolving on hundreds of different worlds
Friday, 20 January 2012
Tolkien
Tolkien. How do I praise my love for thee?
I did not line up in the cold or wear silly costumes when the movies came out. But I can go on and on about the intricacies about the theology of the elves and the history of Middle Earth and such. I can also tell you that the works of Tolkien had a HUGE affect on my life.
There are two and really only two famous published works by Tolkien, the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings.
I read Lord of the Rings before I read the Hobbit. I read it first when I was 13, but in fairness my mother had been trying to get me to read it for a couple of years. I resisted, as I do with every book that people give me to read, but I read it and then read it once a year until the end of high school. I did not read much back then, only ten or so short novels a year, maybe twenty. Looking at my mother's copy was very intimidating. It was an unabridged version with wood and leather covers, thanks to my uncle; he even wrote the tittle and author in elf letters. It had over a thousand pages. It was my first big book, it was my first hard cover.
I had been playing Dungeons & Dragons for a few years and this book was about halflings and elves and orcs and magic. I skipped over the songs. This book had a map that you could follow the progress of the characters and it had places that were not mentioned in the book. The Hobbit filled in some of the holes, but not all of them. His son finished a few of his story ideas and published them in three books. I read them all and I learned about the magic. In university I found some other books, novels that he published, Farmer Giles and another The Green Knight. There were also a compilation of his works and pen scratches and there in was his greatest unpublished work. Possibly greater than Lord of the Rings.
Tolkien was a English professor at Oxford. When I say he was an English professor, I mean he studied the language, its origin and its roots. He could read and speak the dead languages that evolved into English, Anglo and Saxon. And he invented worlds and wrote imaginary histories and used hi knowledge if Anglo and Saxon to make Elvish languages, there is more than one. The Hobbit may have been the first, but Lord of the Rings was not the second. People have noted before that it reads like a chronicle that does not exist on its own, but as part of a living breathing world. The reader feels that as the story is read, that the characters know more about the world than they are saying. Some of this story is told in snippets, but completely. At first reading, for example, the wizard Gandalf appears to be an old man, but without a doubt human. He is not. He is a Demi-God, well that is the closest approximation of what he is, Angel or Deva would be another. His world has unseen depth, the creation story states that the world began with a note, as in music and the world was created with a song. The sun and the moon were created last in fact, better yet, they were created many thousand years after the first race was created, and everything was cloaked in night, a night filled with stars.
His greatest work was an epic poem. The Lay of Lüthéan. People don't compose epic poems these days for fun, scratch that they just don't make them at all. It had rhythm, it was in rhyming couplets. It flowed like a song when read. I can hardly read orally, but this prose flows smoothly from even my lips. It is unfinished and in its unfinished form it is still close to 2400 lines in length. It is pure beauty.
I would like to take a moment of silence
Tolkien was a wordsmith, he did not make up many words, but he put them together in ways that could make you cry. It is said that every picture is worth thousand words; Tolkien could write passages worth a thousand pictures.
My best reading of Lord of the Rings was a couple months after seeing the first movie when I gave a copy to a friend. I had seen the movie a month before and the day before seeing the movie I had just finished the book. That next reading after the story was still fresh in my head, I stopped reading the story and instead read his words, savouring his words as they were written, blew me away.
I lay modern fantasy writing, all role playing games and half of all the creativity that these medias spawned at his feet. If it were possible to elevate him to Godhood, I would, as long as he finished his epic poem as his first business.
I did not line up in the cold or wear silly costumes when the movies came out. But I can go on and on about the intricacies about the theology of the elves and the history of Middle Earth and such. I can also tell you that the works of Tolkien had a HUGE affect on my life.
There are two and really only two famous published works by Tolkien, the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings.
I read Lord of the Rings before I read the Hobbit. I read it first when I was 13, but in fairness my mother had been trying to get me to read it for a couple of years. I resisted, as I do with every book that people give me to read, but I read it and then read it once a year until the end of high school. I did not read much back then, only ten or so short novels a year, maybe twenty. Looking at my mother's copy was very intimidating. It was an unabridged version with wood and leather covers, thanks to my uncle; he even wrote the tittle and author in elf letters. It had over a thousand pages. It was my first big book, it was my first hard cover.
I had been playing Dungeons & Dragons for a few years and this book was about halflings and elves and orcs and magic. I skipped over the songs. This book had a map that you could follow the progress of the characters and it had places that were not mentioned in the book. The Hobbit filled in some of the holes, but not all of them. His son finished a few of his story ideas and published them in three books. I read them all and I learned about the magic. In university I found some other books, novels that he published, Farmer Giles and another The Green Knight. There were also a compilation of his works and pen scratches and there in was his greatest unpublished work. Possibly greater than Lord of the Rings.
Tolkien was a English professor at Oxford. When I say he was an English professor, I mean he studied the language, its origin and its roots. He could read and speak the dead languages that evolved into English, Anglo and Saxon. And he invented worlds and wrote imaginary histories and used hi knowledge if Anglo and Saxon to make Elvish languages, there is more than one. The Hobbit may have been the first, but Lord of the Rings was not the second. People have noted before that it reads like a chronicle that does not exist on its own, but as part of a living breathing world. The reader feels that as the story is read, that the characters know more about the world than they are saying. Some of this story is told in snippets, but completely. At first reading, for example, the wizard Gandalf appears to be an old man, but without a doubt human. He is not. He is a Demi-God, well that is the closest approximation of what he is, Angel or Deva would be another. His world has unseen depth, the creation story states that the world began with a note, as in music and the world was created with a song. The sun and the moon were created last in fact, better yet, they were created many thousand years after the first race was created, and everything was cloaked in night, a night filled with stars.
His greatest work was an epic poem. The Lay of Lüthéan. People don't compose epic poems these days for fun, scratch that they just don't make them at all. It had rhythm, it was in rhyming couplets. It flowed like a song when read. I can hardly read orally, but this prose flows smoothly from even my lips. It is unfinished and in its unfinished form it is still close to 2400 lines in length. It is pure beauty.
I would like to take a moment of silence
Tolkien was a wordsmith, he did not make up many words, but he put them together in ways that could make you cry. It is said that every picture is worth thousand words; Tolkien could write passages worth a thousand pictures.
My best reading of Lord of the Rings was a couple months after seeing the first movie when I gave a copy to a friend. I had seen the movie a month before and the day before seeing the movie I had just finished the book. That next reading after the story was still fresh in my head, I stopped reading the story and instead read his words, savouring his words as they were written, blew me away.
I lay modern fantasy writing, all role playing games and half of all the creativity that these medias spawned at his feet. If it were possible to elevate him to Godhood, I would, as long as he finished his epic poem as his first business.
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
Sixteen going on Seventeen
So I had to write the last post so that I could write this post. It ties into the one before too. I have Asperger's and it means that my social development is severely delayed. I have posted once before that my EQ is about 40 which means I am about as emotionally mature as a 16 year old, there about. Conversely intellectually, according to my IQ (141), I am equivalent to a 56 year old. Lastly I am physically nearly 40. This averages to 37, approximately; everyone do your own calculations please.
When I was in high school, I was the right age physically. I was about eight to ten emotionally, which is higher than the EQ of 40, but I believe that EQ is not stable; the difference in what a thirteen year old knows and an eight year old knows socially is minuscule, but the difference between a ten year old and and eighteen year old is huge.
The difference is key. When I was in high school, I felt all the hormonal changes like every other kid. I began to like girls just like every other guy, the straight ones anyways. Except everyone of them had figured out the social rules and the plays, the feights and the ripostee of the social matches and I did not. The self had been bolstered and brought low and rebuilt many times among the normal people. High school, from a adult perspective, is about socialization and not about learning; the learning is the setting, but the main plot is the socialization.
For me the introvert, I did not have much fun. Indeed years later upon meeting someone on the subway and trying to place her face, because we both knew that we knew each other. When we determined it was high school that I knew her from, I turned my back on her and left her that moment without saying a thing, even though my memories of her were all good, I had so thoroughly blocked out High School, that I did not acknowledge her at that moment.
Occasionally I notice someone in Boonieville, from my time there and I completely fail to say anything to them. Many of them I loathe. Many of them made fun of me. Some few humiliated me publicly. But most of all I felt excluded. Now I know that it was not them but me, because I could not walk in their circles.
Let me tell you what it is like to be a teenager, divorced from the hormones, divorced from the judgement center construction zone, removed from the social pressure cooker of high school; I am living it now. I have been living it for years. My current evolution of my teenage years is learning to stop talking about my social experiences with lovers to gain assuredness that I am doing the right thing. I am working on keeping my own counsel as it were. I know how to keep a secret, if you tell me not to tell anyone. I am learning to figure out what I should not share without being told.
It is tough. Really. I have been a teenager, emotionally, for a long time and it is habit forming. I like to share with my friend's what is happening in my life to get their perspective. Before, I did it to get there opinions, because I did not feel confident with my own. Now it feels like gossiping and it makes me uneasy and I am unhappy that I still do it, but catching myself is so very hard.
Sometimes I think I would rather be dead.
Ever since high school, I have been preoccupied with socialization to the point that I have neglected everything else. Now it is too late to pull anything important together with my life. And I have only raised myself a few years socially in twenty actually.
I am almost mastering small talk. I can look at people and grab small environmental effects from their surroundings and paint accurate pictures about them that lets me talk to strangers. I can almost be extroverted.
So you see, I am only sixteen or seventeen, it has taken a lot and It will take a lot more to get out of it. I feel it is too late. When I turn eighteen, emotionally, all my peers will have had all their children and you who are still young will be older, much or not, I don't know. I might take only a year to do a year or two , but it could take me ten year too. Is the journey worth it? Are there rewards for me at all? Ever?
When I was in high school, I was the right age physically. I was about eight to ten emotionally, which is higher than the EQ of 40, but I believe that EQ is not stable; the difference in what a thirteen year old knows and an eight year old knows socially is minuscule, but the difference between a ten year old and and eighteen year old is huge.
The difference is key. When I was in high school, I felt all the hormonal changes like every other kid. I began to like girls just like every other guy, the straight ones anyways. Except everyone of them had figured out the social rules and the plays, the feights and the ripostee of the social matches and I did not. The self had been bolstered and brought low and rebuilt many times among the normal people. High school, from a adult perspective, is about socialization and not about learning; the learning is the setting, but the main plot is the socialization.
For me the introvert, I did not have much fun. Indeed years later upon meeting someone on the subway and trying to place her face, because we both knew that we knew each other. When we determined it was high school that I knew her from, I turned my back on her and left her that moment without saying a thing, even though my memories of her were all good, I had so thoroughly blocked out High School, that I did not acknowledge her at that moment.
Occasionally I notice someone in Boonieville, from my time there and I completely fail to say anything to them. Many of them I loathe. Many of them made fun of me. Some few humiliated me publicly. But most of all I felt excluded. Now I know that it was not them but me, because I could not walk in their circles.
Let me tell you what it is like to be a teenager, divorced from the hormones, divorced from the judgement center construction zone, removed from the social pressure cooker of high school; I am living it now. I have been living it for years. My current evolution of my teenage years is learning to stop talking about my social experiences with lovers to gain assuredness that I am doing the right thing. I am working on keeping my own counsel as it were. I know how to keep a secret, if you tell me not to tell anyone. I am learning to figure out what I should not share without being told.
It is tough. Really. I have been a teenager, emotionally, for a long time and it is habit forming. I like to share with my friend's what is happening in my life to get their perspective. Before, I did it to get there opinions, because I did not feel confident with my own. Now it feels like gossiping and it makes me uneasy and I am unhappy that I still do it, but catching myself is so very hard.
Sometimes I think I would rather be dead.
Ever since high school, I have been preoccupied with socialization to the point that I have neglected everything else. Now it is too late to pull anything important together with my life. And I have only raised myself a few years socially in twenty actually.
I am almost mastering small talk. I can look at people and grab small environmental effects from their surroundings and paint accurate pictures about them that lets me talk to strangers. I can almost be extroverted.
So you see, I am only sixteen or seventeen, it has taken a lot and It will take a lot more to get out of it. I feel it is too late. When I turn eighteen, emotionally, all my peers will have had all their children and you who are still young will be older, much or not, I don't know. I might take only a year to do a year or two , but it could take me ten year too. Is the journey worth it? Are there rewards for me at all? Ever?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Aliens
Teenagers; they are like aliens! There is a reason. It is quite simple. They are brain damaged, literally.
Canada has laws that a lot of people think wrong. One of the most controversial is the age of a criminal and how they can be tried. In Canada, if you are very young, I think under the age of twelve, one cannot be tried in the court of law. Instead, the Criminal Justice System will look into how you were raised and if culpable will charge the parents, or remove the child into a ward of the state. After twelve the child enters a grey area called Minor. If a child commits a crime when under the age of eighteen, they are tried as a Minor. Being tried as a Minor means that they will receive a less harsh sentence and will receive more help and more intensive rehabilitation for the duration of their incarceration. Additionally, they get a clean record; a chance to start anew in society.
There are some people who resent this "soft" treatment, but studies have shown that children thus treated commit less crimes after they are released. Most keep their records clean. As people of good conscious know, most violent crimes occur when the criminal loses their head and goes too far. I mean, they get angry and suffer poor judgement; rare is the violent crime that is methodically planned out and executed. Sometimes violent crime occurs when they commit other crimes and they panic and this is do to unforeseen events that push people into something they did not plan. My point is most violent crime is not intended. Most violent crime results from a chain of events that starts with a poor call of judgement.
And who cares? If you are victim of a violent crime, or a loved one of a victim of violent crime, one does not care about the reason for the crime; they care that it was done at all. Many people are very incensed about violent crime and the first reaction of many and unfortunately the only reaction of a few, is that they want the criminal to pay for his or her loss of judgement. And that is valid to feel that way. When someone hurts someone else, we would like the former to feel the pain of the latter. If someone dies, the same. That is why, in increasing frequency, children are being tried as adults.
In Canada we no longer have the Death Penalty for Capitol Crimes. They greatest penalty the courts can impose is life in prison. Many families become incensed when they find that a life sentence for a child is only a few years in prison with no criminal record after serving the crime, so they plead with the court to have the child tried as an adult.
What is an adult? What separates a child of twelve to eighteen from someone older? Why do they not want eleven year olds tried as adults too? In the past, they have killed criminal eleven year olds, so why not now? What separates an eleven year old from a Minor?
Actually the answer to the two separation questions is the same thing. Children under twelve have more in common with adults than teenagers, after taking into consideration of their age. That is because Teenagers are aliens.
Okay, that is not true. But what is true is they are growing people. Children become adults be becoming teenagers. Teenagers are always growing, some sooner and some later than others, but it always happens. Every part of their bodies grow bigger. Some parts are changed around significantly. One part that changes significantly is the brain. The judgement center is most affected.
When you are driving through your town or city with nice wide highways and clean traffic free thoroughfares, you can cross your town in no time at all, but when a pipe bursts or a bridge is being retrofitted and you have to take a detour, it takes a little longer. If for some reason, there was construction on every other street and the construction sites kept moving around, it would take you a lot longer to get across town. This is what happens in a teenage mind; the traffic gets through the judgement centers, but it is delayed and often too late to affect actions. And so we get the often heard refrain, "It seemed like a good idea at the time!"
I am not saying that because they have impaired judgement they should be let off from all responsibility; they should be made responsible, but there should be some leniency tho reflect their impaired brains. They are in effect, brain damaged. This is why Canada legal status called Minor. Most of the things teenagers do in the boneheaded category only affect themselves, some even kill themselves, but sometimes they hurt others too. Sometimes they kill others. Sometimes they don't think their actions through to the logical conclusion, due to their impaired judgement. Most of the time nothing bad happens.
Kudos to Quebec, the only province in Canada that has strengthened the rights of Minors in Canada. A big failing grade to the rest for weakening these laws.
Canada has laws that a lot of people think wrong. One of the most controversial is the age of a criminal and how they can be tried. In Canada, if you are very young, I think under the age of twelve, one cannot be tried in the court of law. Instead, the Criminal Justice System will look into how you were raised and if culpable will charge the parents, or remove the child into a ward of the state. After twelve the child enters a grey area called Minor. If a child commits a crime when under the age of eighteen, they are tried as a Minor. Being tried as a Minor means that they will receive a less harsh sentence and will receive more help and more intensive rehabilitation for the duration of their incarceration. Additionally, they get a clean record; a chance to start anew in society.
There are some people who resent this "soft" treatment, but studies have shown that children thus treated commit less crimes after they are released. Most keep their records clean. As people of good conscious know, most violent crimes occur when the criminal loses their head and goes too far. I mean, they get angry and suffer poor judgement; rare is the violent crime that is methodically planned out and executed. Sometimes violent crime occurs when they commit other crimes and they panic and this is do to unforeseen events that push people into something they did not plan. My point is most violent crime is not intended. Most violent crime results from a chain of events that starts with a poor call of judgement.
And who cares? If you are victim of a violent crime, or a loved one of a victim of violent crime, one does not care about the reason for the crime; they care that it was done at all. Many people are very incensed about violent crime and the first reaction of many and unfortunately the only reaction of a few, is that they want the criminal to pay for his or her loss of judgement. And that is valid to feel that way. When someone hurts someone else, we would like the former to feel the pain of the latter. If someone dies, the same. That is why, in increasing frequency, children are being tried as adults.
In Canada we no longer have the Death Penalty for Capitol Crimes. They greatest penalty the courts can impose is life in prison. Many families become incensed when they find that a life sentence for a child is only a few years in prison with no criminal record after serving the crime, so they plead with the court to have the child tried as an adult.
What is an adult? What separates a child of twelve to eighteen from someone older? Why do they not want eleven year olds tried as adults too? In the past, they have killed criminal eleven year olds, so why not now? What separates an eleven year old from a Minor?
Actually the answer to the two separation questions is the same thing. Children under twelve have more in common with adults than teenagers, after taking into consideration of their age. That is because Teenagers are aliens.
Okay, that is not true. But what is true is they are growing people. Children become adults be becoming teenagers. Teenagers are always growing, some sooner and some later than others, but it always happens. Every part of their bodies grow bigger. Some parts are changed around significantly. One part that changes significantly is the brain. The judgement center is most affected.
When you are driving through your town or city with nice wide highways and clean traffic free thoroughfares, you can cross your town in no time at all, but when a pipe bursts or a bridge is being retrofitted and you have to take a detour, it takes a little longer. If for some reason, there was construction on every other street and the construction sites kept moving around, it would take you a lot longer to get across town. This is what happens in a teenage mind; the traffic gets through the judgement centers, but it is delayed and often too late to affect actions. And so we get the often heard refrain, "It seemed like a good idea at the time!"
I am not saying that because they have impaired judgement they should be let off from all responsibility; they should be made responsible, but there should be some leniency tho reflect their impaired brains. They are in effect, brain damaged. This is why Canada legal status called Minor. Most of the things teenagers do in the boneheaded category only affect themselves, some even kill themselves, but sometimes they hurt others too. Sometimes they kill others. Sometimes they don't think their actions through to the logical conclusion, due to their impaired judgement. Most of the time nothing bad happens.
Kudos to Quebec, the only province in Canada that has strengthened the rights of Minors in Canada. A big failing grade to the rest for weakening these laws.
Saturday, 14 January 2012
Fight!
So I have been thinking for a while about children and their behaviours. I am around children a lot now and I have not been around this age group in a while, or in this combination ever, 4 and 1. Mightyboy and Princess; they are fun to be around for different reasons. Mightyboy is four and he is very active and physical, fearless in many ways. He is also a little violent too, but because he is very small, it is ineffectual. The truth about people as they get older and mature, is that as they learn to join society they become less violent. This is against common perception. Common perception is that teenagers are more violent; this is not true. Teenagers are stronger and can do more damage so when they become violent it is noticed. Little children become violent many times a day, but they are weaker and do less damage, so no one notices anything.
The violence comes from not being able to express themselves fully and from the powerlessness of their situation. As they get older, they can express themselves better and people around them take notice; they also learn that violence is never acceptable.
Asperger's Syndrome's most overlooked feature is retarded EQ. Emotional Quotient is a measurement of a person's grasp of social queues and behavioral norms. This is just a working theory, so work with me here. Children start out with almost no understanding of society and they have to work to understand it, just as they start out not knowing anything about anything. A mentally slow individual takes extra time to learn about anything, so if the analogy holds, an emotionally challenged individual will also take more time to figure things out.
One of the hallmark associations of boys with AS is their violence. Let me take myself as an example, only because I know my EQ score, not for any other reason, because before grade Eight I did not get in any fights. I have an EQ score of 40, this means that when I was 10, I had the emotional maturity of a 4 year old. I was not a fighter, but I had a friend who got into fights at least once a week; he has AS too.
I am starting to have second thoughts on this theory, but I will continue. The trouble with AS is that with a lagging emotional maturity there is a body that is growing physically mature. If only the body grow with emotional maturity and not independently of it. Luckily for me, my violent period at school was only about two years. At home it was much longer, but most of my frustrations were home centered. Also lucky for me, I did not get very big until after grade ten. Fighting with my younger sister was different.
She is close in age to me and she does not have AS. She also gained dominance early, helped in part to the rule, "Don't hurt your younger sister!" At first I did not fight back, and when I did she had control. I am thinking that there were not fights in the sense of two people coming to blows, it was more two people disagreeing and one person fighting and the other backing down. Yes, she bullied me. It was only when I was getting bullied by the small kid at the new school when I entered Grade 8 as the new kid, when I was encouraged by the teachers to fight back, that I started fighting back. It took me months to fight back, but when I did fight back, the positive feedback was immediate. When I moved again in the same year, there was a scuffle in line with the biggest kid and there were no problems. In high school, the bullying began again and continued for a few months until we got in a fight and then it stopped.
At home, however, my sister still ruled. Until I got really mad and discovered that I was bigger and stronger that she was. There were two fights, the first when she tried to tell me to do something I did not want to do was over quick, I don't remember much only that I was still play with the computer game and she was under the desk with my foot pressed upon her neck, keeping her there and from struggling; mostly because I knew that her temper was still bigger than mine and that she scared me still, and I knew that when I let her up, she was going to grab something and hurt me. The last time we got into a fight she was ready, but I still overpowered her and drove her to the ground with my hands around her throat straggling her. She was still fighting, clawing and punching my face, but when she lost consciousness, I left her there and went to my room. She did not try to fight me again. I also really did not try to fight anyone again either. But then I don't know anyone that would really want to start a fight with a six foot 120+ kg man, mostly muscle even if I can't actually fight.
So you might say that when I was twenty I was basically non violent big person with the emotional maturity of a eight year old, which actually explains why I was so successful with women. It is when I think about back then, that I realize that my theory is flawed. I was more mature than eight, at times I was more mature than twenty. I am thinking that behaviour has more factors than just age, EQ, size, outlook, setting, parents, society, brain development, IQ and whatever else. I can tell you, that at close to forty years old I still have to work some things out that most teenagers are still working out.
40 x .4 = 16. Maybe I can't have a relationship before 50 that works. Maybe I can't have a relationship until I meet someone who cares to work with me on this. Maybe EQ, is something that you have to figure out on your own and some people never figure it out. Maybe it is like morals, maturity that is, some can improve upon it, but most just stick to what the world expects of them.
High school was really bad for me because I never understood what was happening, but I had all the same hormones, desires and expectations. I never understood why I could not be normal, like them, the rest of them. I resent them still. Is that why I hate Boonieville?
The violence comes from not being able to express themselves fully and from the powerlessness of their situation. As they get older, they can express themselves better and people around them take notice; they also learn that violence is never acceptable.
Asperger's Syndrome's most overlooked feature is retarded EQ. Emotional Quotient is a measurement of a person's grasp of social queues and behavioral norms. This is just a working theory, so work with me here. Children start out with almost no understanding of society and they have to work to understand it, just as they start out not knowing anything about anything. A mentally slow individual takes extra time to learn about anything, so if the analogy holds, an emotionally challenged individual will also take more time to figure things out.
One of the hallmark associations of boys with AS is their violence. Let me take myself as an example, only because I know my EQ score, not for any other reason, because before grade Eight I did not get in any fights. I have an EQ score of 40, this means that when I was 10, I had the emotional maturity of a 4 year old. I was not a fighter, but I had a friend who got into fights at least once a week; he has AS too.
I am starting to have second thoughts on this theory, but I will continue. The trouble with AS is that with a lagging emotional maturity there is a body that is growing physically mature. If only the body grow with emotional maturity and not independently of it. Luckily for me, my violent period at school was only about two years. At home it was much longer, but most of my frustrations were home centered. Also lucky for me, I did not get very big until after grade ten. Fighting with my younger sister was different.
She is close in age to me and she does not have AS. She also gained dominance early, helped in part to the rule, "Don't hurt your younger sister!" At first I did not fight back, and when I did she had control. I am thinking that there were not fights in the sense of two people coming to blows, it was more two people disagreeing and one person fighting and the other backing down. Yes, she bullied me. It was only when I was getting bullied by the small kid at the new school when I entered Grade 8 as the new kid, when I was encouraged by the teachers to fight back, that I started fighting back. It took me months to fight back, but when I did fight back, the positive feedback was immediate. When I moved again in the same year, there was a scuffle in line with the biggest kid and there were no problems. In high school, the bullying began again and continued for a few months until we got in a fight and then it stopped.
At home, however, my sister still ruled. Until I got really mad and discovered that I was bigger and stronger that she was. There were two fights, the first when she tried to tell me to do something I did not want to do was over quick, I don't remember much only that I was still play with the computer game and she was under the desk with my foot pressed upon her neck, keeping her there and from struggling; mostly because I knew that her temper was still bigger than mine and that she scared me still, and I knew that when I let her up, she was going to grab something and hurt me. The last time we got into a fight she was ready, but I still overpowered her and drove her to the ground with my hands around her throat straggling her. She was still fighting, clawing and punching my face, but when she lost consciousness, I left her there and went to my room. She did not try to fight me again. I also really did not try to fight anyone again either. But then I don't know anyone that would really want to start a fight with a six foot 120+ kg man, mostly muscle even if I can't actually fight.
So you might say that when I was twenty I was basically non violent big person with the emotional maturity of a eight year old, which actually explains why I was so successful with women. It is when I think about back then, that I realize that my theory is flawed. I was more mature than eight, at times I was more mature than twenty. I am thinking that behaviour has more factors than just age, EQ, size, outlook, setting, parents, society, brain development, IQ and whatever else. I can tell you, that at close to forty years old I still have to work some things out that most teenagers are still working out.
40 x .4 = 16. Maybe I can't have a relationship before 50 that works. Maybe I can't have a relationship until I meet someone who cares to work with me on this. Maybe EQ, is something that you have to figure out on your own and some people never figure it out. Maybe it is like morals, maturity that is, some can improve upon it, but most just stick to what the world expects of them.
High school was really bad for me because I never understood what was happening, but I had all the same hormones, desires and expectations. I never understood why I could not be normal, like them, the rest of them. I resent them still. Is that why I hate Boonieville?
Monday, 9 January 2012
Issues with tissues
The problem with this blog thingy is that at first I wanted to use it as a way to communicate with people. They I started pouring out stuff on to the page and I wanted to retract all the permissions to friends that I had given. Then I realized that they could see into my life and this was good. Then I learned that people were reading my blog who I knew of and using what I said against me and against other friends and I started to edit what I said, direct my comments in ways to make one of the readers lay off it. And I discovered that my self censorship and my lying on my blog felt like the biggest wrong in my life. It felt worse than having an affair with a married woman, never done that btw. I will try not to do that, so I reposted a censored log entry and wrote this tiny post. And if you don't like it and don't want to go fuck yourself, we can meet in a lonely back alley and I will show you how it is done!
Re-posted
Affair, funny word. It means in today's parlance, cheating, but it is just a harmless dalliance between two people. Everyone should have an affair. NSA. The truth is that they happen more often than people think and for different reasons. They can occur between two unattached people, but for e most part one or more of the people has a commitment. There is a difference between affairs and love affairs. Love does not have to be attached to sex, but when it does, becomes at once better and worse. Better because the parties feel the full range of feelings and have better sex because of it and worse because the NSA develops strings, ropes really, and when it ends it pulls down both people and the people they care about.
I have had a love affair. The damage has not finished ricochetting through the halls of justice. If a love affair happens though it is because the is something missing in one or both people's lives.
Love affairs do not always mean sex, but they have the same effects as if they have had sex.
It is funny, when someone finds out about an affair, who should not have found out about the affair, it is usually the end of the affair and a long period of distrust ensues and in many cases the end of the old relationship. With a love affair, it often gets treated in the same manner, but it should not. There are a few results. No mutual love affair, the lover continues to peruse the relationship and cause further trouble and if it is mutual love the old relationship is broken, what was there cannot be mended easily and will often fail catastrophically; indeed trying to mend the old relationship will often leave the person alone, after they try to keep the old and sacrifice the new.
Many people give up on the old and continue with the new since the old one is damaged and the new one is practically unblemished. Still, there are problems, everyone involved knows you had an affair and one affair probably means more affairs. Of course you might get lucky, your new partner might recognize that you are prone to affairs and might be more understanding.
So I have been involved in a love affair. I am not sure how this one is going to pan out. For me my feelings were true and my intent was up front. And I know why it happened and I do not see any changes in the other person beyond superficialness. I wish that it was only an affair. I feel hurt, but I am still friends with her. He will never understand; he will never forgive her. She will continue to have affairs, because nothing has changed. She will get mad at me for saying so, but she knows it is true.
I have had a love affair. The damage has not finished ricochetting through the halls of justice. If a love affair happens though it is because the is something missing in one or both people's lives.
Love affairs do not always mean sex, but they have the same effects as if they have had sex.
It is funny, when someone finds out about an affair, who should not have found out about the affair, it is usually the end of the affair and a long period of distrust ensues and in many cases the end of the old relationship. With a love affair, it often gets treated in the same manner, but it should not. There are a few results. No mutual love affair, the lover continues to peruse the relationship and cause further trouble and if it is mutual love the old relationship is broken, what was there cannot be mended easily and will often fail catastrophically; indeed trying to mend the old relationship will often leave the person alone, after they try to keep the old and sacrifice the new.
Many people give up on the old and continue with the new since the old one is damaged and the new one is practically unblemished. Still, there are problems, everyone involved knows you had an affair and one affair probably means more affairs. Of course you might get lucky, your new partner might recognize that you are prone to affairs and might be more understanding.
So I have been involved in a love affair. I am not sure how this one is going to pan out. For me my feelings were true and my intent was up front. And I know why it happened and I do not see any changes in the other person beyond superficialness. I wish that it was only an affair. I feel hurt, but I am still friends with her. He will never understand; he will never forgive her. She will continue to have affairs, because nothing has changed. She will get mad at me for saying so, but she knows it is true.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
40 year old Virgin?
I am a virgin. Virgin. I have slept with people, meaning just what it says, I slept and they slept, we slept together in the same bed and nothing happened, mostly they slept and I did not sleep.
My virginity started in High School. My first Girl Friend was in grade two and we kissed, open kisses; so I should have been sleeping with girls by the time I got to High School, but I wasn't. Sometime in there I formed a very stupid idea, that sex happened after love. Okay, yes it is best if that does happen, but waiting for love when you suck at communication with the opposite sex means nothing is going to happen, ever. So, when I saw her the only person I knew on my bus, I for some unknown reason I became obsessed with her and never missed the bus for fear of missing seeing her. A year later on a class trip, sitting alone, as usual, I started chanting in my head that there would be no one but her ever. I could not get up the nerve to talk to her even though she sat behind me in Grade 9 math, sat at the same work station as me in Grade 10 biology and I sat behind her in English class, I also knew her schedule inside and out.
I did ask her out; it must have been a very uncomfortable couple of seconds it took her to say no, and an uncomfortable minutes that I followed her before asking. Four years and a powerful oath gone in fire. But there was India, but India like someone else. Still I had nothing else so I focused on India.
University: I went to the Big Smoke, because India, and the first one went there, different university. Mostly because I got poor marks in school. I always get poor marks in school. I tried to meet women, I tried to have sex, but I was still inept with women and women were not interested in me, and I still idolized India. AMDL, I met and told her that I loved her, I did, I truly did, but she was involved. She broke up with him and I held back, because I had told her already and I wanted to let her heal, I thought that is what people did. I approached India a couple of times through the year, she would rather it was someone else that came to bother her, and she would have preferred that I did not come in the morning on the weekend, but I had no clue.
Second year AMDL had a new BF and I thought that I had to be her friend. My neighbour was a trendy woman, Dutch. Dutch tried to get me out of my shell, she introduced me to porn and she had a BF. she told me later, that she would have cheated on her BF with me, but the concept was so alien to me I did not see the signs: scantly clothed talking to me, drawing my attention to her legs etc. More encounters with India, but she was uninterested.
Third year I discovered that women would get me to massage them, but would never massage me back, and definitely not have sex with me. I also first learned of my technique of dismissing women as unattractive and then becoming friends and then falling head over heels in love with them. I fell hard for Slovenia, she was short had shorter hair and I dismissed her and then fell deeply in love with her. I also learned that I was naïve and believed everything people told me, and learned that people had there own assumptions about what I wanted. I loved her and her rejection pushed me over the edge and I tried to kill myself; I often was upset that I did not follow through. Late in the year, AMDL was single and I got together with her and started kissing, but then she started crying. She told me that she had been raped the previous November. I had loved her for a long while so I wanted her to be okay with things so I did not press anything. That summer Slovenia, told AMDL that is was bragging about her as a conquest. And I got it all in a letter. I never did, but did not know what to do.
Fourth year I fled from residence continued to fall for people, Polish girl. I met up with India a few times her annoyance was clear to me only in retrospect. The was Austria, whom I acted honorably towards. As always. If I only acted without honor, but I could not. That summer I did invite India to come to my house, she did, nothing happens of course.
The trouble was that when anyone was interested in me, I met them with distrust; I thought they were trying to make fun of me. There were two girls in High School, one was definitely making fun of me, there was a really hot girl in university, but I could never understand it.
The next year I met Guyana, she knew Slovenia, but they did not know each other well, but she was alive. AMDL contacted me again and I told her I was fine with her friendship but I wanted more and we began making out again. She called me twice after that, once because she had a fight with her parents, but I was not there, and the second time to tell me because I was not there, she had fucked another person and would not need me any more. Guyana was as naïve as I was, we grew close and she told me how she was sleeping on someone's couch and they were approached at night and that was how she lost her virginity, not that she wanted it; to me that is rape. She slept on my bed, I on a couch, I loved her, but I was honourable, so nothing happened. She got a BF and got naïvely pregnant and had her dreams quashed, but not by me. Korea came along and we almost had sex, we were both desperate, but I did not fit, physics denied me. India was depressed and called me at 2 am, she knew I liked her and she seduced me, she had tried to seduce many others before me and failed, so I was a sure thing, except for her passing out.
After that, I gave up. There was the lesbian, there was Filipino, there was Indian-English, who told my my massage skill was good enough to trade for sex, but not her.
Through oaths, because of a silly idea about honour, I sit a nearly forty year old virgin. Oh yes the most recent stuff, the Affair had a BF, and I was waiting for there to be no BF when he found out and he assumed the worst. To be accused of it is ironic. I am tired I wish that love and honour did not exist, really.
My virginity started in High School. My first Girl Friend was in grade two and we kissed, open kisses; so I should have been sleeping with girls by the time I got to High School, but I wasn't. Sometime in there I formed a very stupid idea, that sex happened after love. Okay, yes it is best if that does happen, but waiting for love when you suck at communication with the opposite sex means nothing is going to happen, ever. So, when I saw her the only person I knew on my bus, I for some unknown reason I became obsessed with her and never missed the bus for fear of missing seeing her. A year later on a class trip, sitting alone, as usual, I started chanting in my head that there would be no one but her ever. I could not get up the nerve to talk to her even though she sat behind me in Grade 9 math, sat at the same work station as me in Grade 10 biology and I sat behind her in English class, I also knew her schedule inside and out.
I did ask her out; it must have been a very uncomfortable couple of seconds it took her to say no, and an uncomfortable minutes that I followed her before asking. Four years and a powerful oath gone in fire. But there was India, but India like someone else. Still I had nothing else so I focused on India.
University: I went to the Big Smoke, because India, and the first one went there, different university. Mostly because I got poor marks in school. I always get poor marks in school. I tried to meet women, I tried to have sex, but I was still inept with women and women were not interested in me, and I still idolized India. AMDL, I met and told her that I loved her, I did, I truly did, but she was involved. She broke up with him and I held back, because I had told her already and I wanted to let her heal, I thought that is what people did. I approached India a couple of times through the year, she would rather it was someone else that came to bother her, and she would have preferred that I did not come in the morning on the weekend, but I had no clue.
Second year AMDL had a new BF and I thought that I had to be her friend. My neighbour was a trendy woman, Dutch. Dutch tried to get me out of my shell, she introduced me to porn and she had a BF. she told me later, that she would have cheated on her BF with me, but the concept was so alien to me I did not see the signs: scantly clothed talking to me, drawing my attention to her legs etc. More encounters with India, but she was uninterested.
Third year I discovered that women would get me to massage them, but would never massage me back, and definitely not have sex with me. I also first learned of my technique of dismissing women as unattractive and then becoming friends and then falling head over heels in love with them. I fell hard for Slovenia, she was short had shorter hair and I dismissed her and then fell deeply in love with her. I also learned that I was naïve and believed everything people told me, and learned that people had there own assumptions about what I wanted. I loved her and her rejection pushed me over the edge and I tried to kill myself; I often was upset that I did not follow through. Late in the year, AMDL was single and I got together with her and started kissing, but then she started crying. She told me that she had been raped the previous November. I had loved her for a long while so I wanted her to be okay with things so I did not press anything. That summer Slovenia, told AMDL that is was bragging about her as a conquest. And I got it all in a letter. I never did, but did not know what to do.
Fourth year I fled from residence continued to fall for people, Polish girl. I met up with India a few times her annoyance was clear to me only in retrospect. The was Austria, whom I acted honorably towards. As always. If I only acted without honor, but I could not. That summer I did invite India to come to my house, she did, nothing happens of course.
The trouble was that when anyone was interested in me, I met them with distrust; I thought they were trying to make fun of me. There were two girls in High School, one was definitely making fun of me, there was a really hot girl in university, but I could never understand it.
The next year I met Guyana, she knew Slovenia, but they did not know each other well, but she was alive. AMDL contacted me again and I told her I was fine with her friendship but I wanted more and we began making out again. She called me twice after that, once because she had a fight with her parents, but I was not there, and the second time to tell me because I was not there, she had fucked another person and would not need me any more. Guyana was as naïve as I was, we grew close and she told me how she was sleeping on someone's couch and they were approached at night and that was how she lost her virginity, not that she wanted it; to me that is rape. She slept on my bed, I on a couch, I loved her, but I was honourable, so nothing happened. She got a BF and got naïvely pregnant and had her dreams quashed, but not by me. Korea came along and we almost had sex, we were both desperate, but I did not fit, physics denied me. India was depressed and called me at 2 am, she knew I liked her and she seduced me, she had tried to seduce many others before me and failed, so I was a sure thing, except for her passing out.
After that, I gave up. There was the lesbian, there was Filipino, there was Indian-English, who told my my massage skill was good enough to trade for sex, but not her.
Through oaths, because of a silly idea about honour, I sit a nearly forty year old virgin. Oh yes the most recent stuff, the Affair had a BF, and I was waiting for there to be no BF when he found out and he assumed the worst. To be accused of it is ironic. I am tired I wish that love and honour did not exist, really.
Monday, 2 January 2012
Dune
I was 17 when I started reading Dune. I had just received the book on my seventeenth birthday and as usual, when I get a book I delay reading it. I delay because I resent anyone telling me that I should read any book. I rennet it because how does anyone know whether a book represents anyone. But I did eventually did pick it up and read it. Frank Herbert sets the tale anywhere, at least initially. It begins on Caladan, a water world somewhere in the galaxy the night before a fateful trip to a new land. And the philosophy starts right away, Gom Job, a toxin that kills only animals and a box that determines if you are human or to die an animal. The premise of the box is can you resist the pain the box creates to to live to kill the person who set the trap, one needs only remove their hand to stop the pain, but doing so proves you are not human and the poison pricks the skin killing you.
The opening scene is the entire premise of the book. The duke and his son, Paul, are sent to the desert planet Arrakis, also known as Dune, to take over the Spice mining operations, the most valuable substance in the universe, Spice. Spice extends people's lives simply by taking it, it improves the taste food and it allows the space navigators to fold space allowing communication and space travel in the human empire to exist, otherwise such travel and communication would be reduced sub light methods.
The back story: ten thousand years ago there was a great war between the free humans and the bio-mechanoids and a supreme artificial intelligence, humanity won but the home world Earth was turned into a molten, radio active, slag heap. Humanity to survive and prosper did away with all machines that had a human like mind and instead focused on improving the human form. Computers were replaced with Mentants, human computational masters, and a few other human marvels that rely on exact control of minute body changes. Mutants created through long exposure of spice gas that allows them, and only them to fold space. The only computers allowed are training robots, controversial thinking machines illegal on many worlds, used exclusively to improve combat skills with sword and shield.
Do to the Boltzmann-Holtz reaction, a sub nuclear reaction with lasze gun fire and shields, which consumes shielded and lasze gun operator, combatants are trained in sword and knife combat, with martial arts training with personal shields added to the mix, the shields deflect all fast attacks but let slower attacks to pass through.
The first book is about the betrayal and eventual revenge brought on by the adversarial feudal law of the empire. Our hero, the young boy must mature and forge a belittled people into the most feared fighting force the universe has ever seen. The hero is plagued by doubts about his true potential, whether he is the prophesied messiah of the of the people of Dune and the greater universe, whether he is controllable or force of destruction, that will bring the empire to its knees.
The themes of the book are justice, triumph over evil, the perfection of personal self, the perfection of humanity.
After reading that book, I picked up the next five and took them to work that summer. I was going away at the insistence of my father to Junior Ranger camp. A little of camp if you think of it as a work camp, and a little like summer camp. We got a very little amount of pay, but had our meals and accommodation paid for. I did not know what the purpose of it was, to seek out potential MNR recruits, (Ministry of Natural Resources), park rangers, etc., but I went and I brought the next five books in the series to read.
Dune Messiah, plot give away for first book, yes the hero wins, and becomes Emperor of the Galaxy, but things are not going smoothly for him. There is much conflict in the Empire, rebellions and minor wars, all to be put down brutally if he wants to establish rule for his adopted people.
Children of Dune, or Dune: Next Generation, actually no, not at all. The regency of Paul's children is fraught with peril, constant assassination attempts and family intrigue playing for the future of human rule, but with a unforeseen consequence as Paul's vision for humanity takes shape from beyond his grave.
God Emperor of Dune, five thousand years of stable rule under the tutelage of the Golden Path of Humanity. Five thousand years of iron rule by one person with a very long term plan to ensure the survival of the species. Five thousand years of peace and stagnation. Dune is a desert no longer, it is green and verdant as only a utopia could be. The sand worms that make the spice are dead and the supremely important spice is rationed in metered out doses, a prize to keep all the factions to heel. The emperor is, of course, universally despised.
Heretics of Dune: five thousand years after the demise of the God Emperor, five thousand years after the great dispersal of humanity into the void, someone has come back to plunder the rich center of humanity. Dune is once again a desert, spice is being produced but the worms are no longer the force of nature they once were; they have intelligence too. The invading force uses weapons that no one can stand up to and their soldiers are all women that use sex as a weapon. The heroes of the new age are trying to survive these impossible odds trying to acquire new weapons before all is lost.
Chapterhouse: Dune, the sixth book and last before his death. More a continuation of the last book, the central worlds have all but fallen to the enemy known as the Whores. Before the end and total destruction, it is found that the Whores are running before something worse . . ..
The seventh book, apparently needed a lot more back story to be written properly, and the fleecing of my money began, three trilogies to get to the last scene. I was okay with the ending of the Sixth book, however.
The opening scene is the entire premise of the book. The duke and his son, Paul, are sent to the desert planet Arrakis, also known as Dune, to take over the Spice mining operations, the most valuable substance in the universe, Spice. Spice extends people's lives simply by taking it, it improves the taste food and it allows the space navigators to fold space allowing communication and space travel in the human empire to exist, otherwise such travel and communication would be reduced sub light methods.
The back story: ten thousand years ago there was a great war between the free humans and the bio-mechanoids and a supreme artificial intelligence, humanity won but the home world Earth was turned into a molten, radio active, slag heap. Humanity to survive and prosper did away with all machines that had a human like mind and instead focused on improving the human form. Computers were replaced with Mentants, human computational masters, and a few other human marvels that rely on exact control of minute body changes. Mutants created through long exposure of spice gas that allows them, and only them to fold space. The only computers allowed are training robots, controversial thinking machines illegal on many worlds, used exclusively to improve combat skills with sword and shield.
Do to the Boltzmann-Holtz reaction, a sub nuclear reaction with lasze gun fire and shields, which consumes shielded and lasze gun operator, combatants are trained in sword and knife combat, with martial arts training with personal shields added to the mix, the shields deflect all fast attacks but let slower attacks to pass through.
The first book is about the betrayal and eventual revenge brought on by the adversarial feudal law of the empire. Our hero, the young boy must mature and forge a belittled people into the most feared fighting force the universe has ever seen. The hero is plagued by doubts about his true potential, whether he is the prophesied messiah of the of the people of Dune and the greater universe, whether he is controllable or force of destruction, that will bring the empire to its knees.
The themes of the book are justice, triumph over evil, the perfection of personal self, the perfection of humanity.
After reading that book, I picked up the next five and took them to work that summer. I was going away at the insistence of my father to Junior Ranger camp. A little of camp if you think of it as a work camp, and a little like summer camp. We got a very little amount of pay, but had our meals and accommodation paid for. I did not know what the purpose of it was, to seek out potential MNR recruits, (Ministry of Natural Resources), park rangers, etc., but I went and I brought the next five books in the series to read.
Dune Messiah, plot give away for first book, yes the hero wins, and becomes Emperor of the Galaxy, but things are not going smoothly for him. There is much conflict in the Empire, rebellions and minor wars, all to be put down brutally if he wants to establish rule for his adopted people.
Children of Dune, or Dune: Next Generation, actually no, not at all. The regency of Paul's children is fraught with peril, constant assassination attempts and family intrigue playing for the future of human rule, but with a unforeseen consequence as Paul's vision for humanity takes shape from beyond his grave.
God Emperor of Dune, five thousand years of stable rule under the tutelage of the Golden Path of Humanity. Five thousand years of iron rule by one person with a very long term plan to ensure the survival of the species. Five thousand years of peace and stagnation. Dune is a desert no longer, it is green and verdant as only a utopia could be. The sand worms that make the spice are dead and the supremely important spice is rationed in metered out doses, a prize to keep all the factions to heel. The emperor is, of course, universally despised.
Heretics of Dune: five thousand years after the demise of the God Emperor, five thousand years after the great dispersal of humanity into the void, someone has come back to plunder the rich center of humanity. Dune is once again a desert, spice is being produced but the worms are no longer the force of nature they once were; they have intelligence too. The invading force uses weapons that no one can stand up to and their soldiers are all women that use sex as a weapon. The heroes of the new age are trying to survive these impossible odds trying to acquire new weapons before all is lost.
Chapterhouse: Dune, the sixth book and last before his death. More a continuation of the last book, the central worlds have all but fallen to the enemy known as the Whores. Before the end and total destruction, it is found that the Whores are running before something worse . . ..
The seventh book, apparently needed a lot more back story to be written properly, and the fleecing of my money began, three trilogies to get to the last scene. I was okay with the ending of the Sixth book, however.
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