I think it is funny. Someone wants to put a restraining order on me. He can't as long as his girl friend keeps calling me and inviting me over when he is away. He will never understand, he does not communicate, he does not know her. She is not put together the same way that is standard for the area. She will cheat, because she does not know any other thing. If not with me then someone else. If he would only realize this I would lose her forever.
Oh I am not having sex with her, I am just talking.
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Just shoot me, please.
I have to be careful what I write here, you know the rules of blogging: 1) don't talk about work; it could get you fired. 2) don't talk about relationships, if you want to stay in the relationship. Pretty much everything else goes. So, I am in a relationship. A fucked up relationship. I am in love with a woman who will not leave her boyfriend, even though pretty much everyone knows it is doomed. Just like everyone knows my relationship is doomed with her. She has stopped having sex with me and I know that that means it is all over except for my crying. I could destroy her relationship, but I won't. It would not grant me her affection and I would not want it that way. I "do it" for her, and I know that every time I turn her on she is going back to him and having sex.
It has stopped making me jealous. It has stopped ripping me apart. It will not make me cry, for I am dead inside.
I do not know how to date. Friends tell me that I am a good person and that I will make someone happy, usually they qualify that with, but not me. I have tried electronic dating and that usually ends when they figure out I am not normal, that fine line that exists no where in the world. I have tried friends, both dating them and getting set up by them and since i know mostly women this means that they have to find the perfect woman for me, and that has only happened once (see opening paragraph).
I just want to fuck. I want to fuck her out of my life before I get screwed. Women are funny about sex. They want someone 1) really hot to fuck their brains out with, 2) someone who would never do that, 3) someone who has lots of money or power or 4) someone normal who they can warm up to because i) the look hot and seem nice*, ii) they have a good job and seem nice*, iii) because a good friend told them that they would go well with them.
Seem nice*. This means that usually they are wrong. Usually women are picking up on the same things that they always fall for and the same things that the last relationship failed for. Usually people are hiding something that will remain hidden until after they have sex, then they figure that they have gone this far that maybe they can accept one* idiosyncrasy because they have gone that far. One*, there is never one.
Does not seem nice, that could mean that they ARE a horrible person and do not know it; this senerio does not exist, except inside your head.. It could mean that they are not normal and see it as a good thing. Perhaps they see it as honesty, they know they are not normal and do not want to lead anyone on, only to get to a critical juncture and be left stranded. Better to be honest up front and avoid this heartbreak right?
No. The problem with honesty is that people will assume that you are holding something back and that if you are this honest, it must be truly horrible.
Sometimes I get so rundown by things I just quit. I think I mentioned in earlier posts that relationships are the most important thing for me as an AS person. I also mentioned that I need physical relationships, I am in fact addicted to sex, because I can't get it. See above. See August 12th posting IQ vs. EQ. I need sex, I am addicted to sex, but without love, sex does nothing* for me. Nothing* means nothing happens, nothing means I can perform for hours without result. But I am addicted to sex. It means that I often go for very long periods without it. Years. Eight years once. Eight years because I thought that prostitution hurt the women that did it, that they had no choice and that the Johns were dirty.
Do you see? My girlfriend occasionally reads this. Your boyfriend will never love you they way I will cherish you. But you do not want to be cherished, you want to be unhappy. I want love, I want loving sex. I want to make love and failing that I want to fuck into exhaustion, even if I know that all that will happen is that I will get tired. Please, some one shoot me or fuck me.
It has stopped making me jealous. It has stopped ripping me apart. It will not make me cry, for I am dead inside.
I do not know how to date. Friends tell me that I am a good person and that I will make someone happy, usually they qualify that with, but not me. I have tried electronic dating and that usually ends when they figure out I am not normal, that fine line that exists no where in the world. I have tried friends, both dating them and getting set up by them and since i know mostly women this means that they have to find the perfect woman for me, and that has only happened once (see opening paragraph).
I just want to fuck. I want to fuck her out of my life before I get screwed. Women are funny about sex. They want someone 1) really hot to fuck their brains out with, 2) someone who would never do that, 3) someone who has lots of money or power or 4) someone normal who they can warm up to because i) the look hot and seem nice*, ii) they have a good job and seem nice*, iii) because a good friend told them that they would go well with them.
Seem nice*. This means that usually they are wrong. Usually women are picking up on the same things that they always fall for and the same things that the last relationship failed for. Usually people are hiding something that will remain hidden until after they have sex, then they figure that they have gone this far that maybe they can accept one* idiosyncrasy because they have gone that far. One*, there is never one.
Does not seem nice, that could mean that they ARE a horrible person and do not know it; this senerio does not exist, except inside your head.. It could mean that they are not normal and see it as a good thing. Perhaps they see it as honesty, they know they are not normal and do not want to lead anyone on, only to get to a critical juncture and be left stranded. Better to be honest up front and avoid this heartbreak right?
No. The problem with honesty is that people will assume that you are holding something back and that if you are this honest, it must be truly horrible.
Sometimes I get so rundown by things I just quit. I think I mentioned in earlier posts that relationships are the most important thing for me as an AS person. I also mentioned that I need physical relationships, I am in fact addicted to sex, because I can't get it. See above. See August 12th posting IQ vs. EQ. I need sex, I am addicted to sex, but without love, sex does nothing* for me. Nothing* means nothing happens, nothing means I can perform for hours without result. But I am addicted to sex. It means that I often go for very long periods without it. Years. Eight years once. Eight years because I thought that prostitution hurt the women that did it, that they had no choice and that the Johns were dirty.
Do you see? My girlfriend occasionally reads this. Your boyfriend will never love you they way I will cherish you. But you do not want to be cherished, you want to be unhappy. I want love, I want loving sex. I want to make love and failing that I want to fuck into exhaustion, even if I know that all that will happen is that I will get tired. Please, some one shoot me or fuck me.
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
Swords and Laser Beams
SciFi and Fantasy are the genera that I read and watch on TV, when I watch. I don't like sitcoms. Seinfeld made me feel immensely uncomfortable. Friends, Threes Company, Happy Days and everything like them the same. I felt like I was on trial when I watched those shows. Each character was put into a situation where they were exaggerating a social misunderstanding or foible. To me, they were spotlighting an aspect of my life, something that I have difficulty with or they were saying that this character is an idiot because he does this thing and that thing was something that I did. Why would I watch/read something that makes me feel ridiculed?
SciFi and Fantasy are genera that deal with the fantastic. They are mysteries, they are horrors, they are love stories; they are every type of story that there is, but they are in some fantastic setting. Because of this fantastic setting the troubles that the main characters are often environment based or have other characters that are coming into conflict with the main character, just like every other story, but what they do not do as much is feature flawed social characters.; they do not spotlight me, generally.
Characters in a fantastic setting are heroic. They are more perfect than reality. They do not suffer from indecision about whether to kiss the girl or not, because when you are trying to survive a hostile environment, social conflict is easy, or better yet not a topic. I can relax when I watch Star Wars, Babylon 5, Farscape, Merlin, or other similar shows. When I read books relationships are simple and easily formed, they can deep and they can be for-filling, they are rarely angst filled. I find the ones that are blow chunks, Star Trek Next Generation and Robin Hobbs' "Soldier Son" are such failures.
I also like SciFi and Fantasy, because I am very much into those aspects of life.
SciFi and Fantasy are genera that deal with the fantastic. They are mysteries, they are horrors, they are love stories; they are every type of story that there is, but they are in some fantastic setting. Because of this fantastic setting the troubles that the main characters are often environment based or have other characters that are coming into conflict with the main character, just like every other story, but what they do not do as much is feature flawed social characters.; they do not spotlight me, generally.
Characters in a fantastic setting are heroic. They are more perfect than reality. They do not suffer from indecision about whether to kiss the girl or not, because when you are trying to survive a hostile environment, social conflict is easy, or better yet not a topic. I can relax when I watch Star Wars, Babylon 5, Farscape, Merlin, or other similar shows. When I read books relationships are simple and easily formed, they can deep and they can be for-filling, they are rarely angst filled. I find the ones that are blow chunks, Star Trek Next Generation and Robin Hobbs' "Soldier Son" are such failures.
I also like SciFi and Fantasy, because I am very much into those aspects of life.
Monday, 19 September 2011
Where the war on terroism went wrong.
This is an excersise on the reason why I need to have structure when I write these things, otherwise they go all over e place.
I have not touched on politics much on this blog, but I am a bit on the opinionated side, so I have views on everything. Today the pull out of Afghanistan is on big in the news. That was a colossal waste of time.
Ten years after 9/11 and two invasions later and the result is a lot of people dead and the U.S.A. in economic trouble back where it started on September 11th, 2001 at 830EST; international bully.
Let me explain. I remember, everyone was in shock that day everywhere in the world. The call center I worked in was shut down for the day out of respect. The next day we were not sure if we should call the States, but we did and everyone we called wanted to talk and connect; they did not swear and hang up the phone once. The world was grieving, because no one had ever concieved of an attack of that nature, or the ones that did never thought it would happen and because the targets affected every country in e world. Over five thousand killed from fifty nations around the world. The US, had political good will from ever country save Afganistan.
The US could have walked away from these attacks and converted the good will into lasting world peace and mutual understanding. Sounds like a bunch of crap right, but it is not really that far fetched.
The US has made a lot of mistakes in its history, too many to recount here. Basically any time the US government made a large foreign policy discision bad things have happened but they have made a few good ones, like entering the two world wars. Good job America. But the Manifest Destiny crap and later the expansion of it to a world stage was really bad for all parties involved.
Manifest Destiny is the idea that it is the destiny of America to control the continent, and later all the Americas. It was seen in its earliest form as the invasion of Canada in 1812-14 and the later invasions of Mexico and attacks on Spanish colonies. There were land purchases, Lousiana, and Alaska. There was the policy of pushing native people out from their historic lands and across the continent. Later years there were the political backing and assassination plots all across the two continents from pre-Castro Cuba, through all the Central American counties, South America, and lastly Grenada and again the invasion of Panama in the nineties. Small wonder that the Canadian Military has a plan for when the US invades again; it will one day.
I digress. So the worst happened and Osama bin Ladden claimed responsibility and the Americans were at war with Afghanistan. Simple. But Afghanistan was really a long ways away and there was nothing there of consequences in Afghanistan and the Taliban were the people that the CIA put in control of the country back twenty years previously and then forgot about them. They made some noise in 2000, they blew up some very large statutes of Budda carved from a mountain, a world heritage site, but nothing else. People knew nothing about Afghanistan, except that most of the country was either mountainous or a desert or both and it was Islamic, like every other country near by.
The coalition landed, because the were a great number of nations that were united behind the US against terrorism, and the Taliban fled and were pushed into the countryside and the long process of wiping them out began. This would have been it if not for two main things. One, America is all about punishment and justice for injured parties and not about reform and rehabilitation. Two, America did not listen to the grievances of the Taliban; they treated it as just a terrorist attack and did not look for any root causes. That last one is a tough one to think about. If we use an analogy on the playground of kids playing on the field, one kid grows a rock at the first kid, out-of-the-blue, and the injured party tells the teacher and the first kid goes to the office and is expelled, or the injured party gets his friends together and shows the kid who through the stone a good time after school ends. Either result, no one asks why the stone was thrown. What were the reasons why the Taliban attacked the US? Certainly throwing rocks is unjustified, and terrorism is really really wrong, but why did they feel that that was the only thing they could do?
Sometimes I think that if we could show world politics as something that happens on the playground at school, more people would understand it and change would occur. It is all about history and money.
In the early nineties the Soviet Union allied itself with a faction in Afghanistan and were in voted to help them take control of the country. Most of the other factions did not like this. One faction was contacted by the CIA. The United States, backed this faction. They supplied arms and money and gave them training. I am not exactly sure what the Americans got from this arrangement, but I have an inkling that it was drugs, which they sold and used to fund the rebels they funded in Nicaragua.
When the Russians beat a hasty retreat from Afghanistan, the country and it's people slipped off the world agenda and seemingly out of history. I assume when they won, the funding slipped away and the stalwart American allies were left to there own devices. The popped up once more during the first Gulf War, on America's side and then disappeared again. The US seemed to forget about them and funded other groups. The reason for the attacks was said to be to punish the country that seems to have all the wealth and flaunted it before the poor. It was about morals, but mostly it was about the gap between the very wealthy and the very poor.
Afghanistan has been a jewel to be placed in the crown of many empires through history. The British tried, the Russians tried and I assume that others tried with varying degrees of success. Since the eighties Afghanistan has been the key to a very lucrative industry, the drug trade, specifically heroine. Opium poppies grow in Afghanistan, the are lightly refined and sold to other countries where it is further refined and later sold to the States as heroine. The farmers receive pennies per kilogram of raw product, but in their poor country, it is enough to make a living. Poppies are a cash crop. They do not grow much of their own food, but grow poppies because they can make more money from it.
When the invasion of Afghanistan occurred, the Taliban was pushed out of the cities and into the countryside. The countryside is where they were most supported. It was up to the West to get the support of the people in the countryside. If the Taliban lost the support of the people, they would not get recruits, they would not get new money from the people and they would have no succor in their home country. The first thing that was done when the cities were secured and the Taliban started to run from the country was the burning of the fields of poppies. By burning the fields, the Americans ensured that the war would be long and bloody.
I know, it is easy to look back on policies of the past and point out how they went wrong and armchair-quarterback say how they should have done it, but I have been saying this for many years after I heard what they did, the aforementioned burning fields of poppies. You just can't go into a country and make a decision that affects the lives of so many people because it is the easy thing to do. Burning fields. If it was determined that growing tobacco was considered harmful to society as a whole, the government would not fire bomb the fields. It was in fact determined that farming tobacco was harmful to society and the farmers were given a choice of something else to farm and they were given subsidies to help make that transition. Tobacco is not any less of a cash crop than poppies are.
The better thing would be to go to the farmers and tell them that if they only grew one quarter to one tenth the poppies that they grew in any year and promised to grow more sustainable crops on the rest of their land. The government would purchase the reduced crop at a price at fair market value for the production of morphine. The farmers would get potentially more money from a reduced crop than they would for a full crop sent to make illegal drugs for the west. The farmers would be on side with the coalition, support for e Taliban would diminish and disappear. As for the people who farm poppies, it is not like they feel that they have a choice. People who farm cash crops are in many ways backed into a corner feeling that they do it to survive.
It is about treating people with respect and like they are human. It is about involving them in the decisions that affect their life. The perceptions of the common person no matter what country they are from, is that the wealthy are making the choices and the common people have nothing to do but accept what they are given. People who are repressed have that Same perception, plus that their oppressors may be oppressed by other people, the wealthy west, lead by the wealthiest and most arrogant, the Americans.
I know that individual Americans are okay people. I know that. I also know that the education system and the media sets up a Us and Them attitude within their nation and the faceless American government, hellbent on getting re-elected, often treats the outside world as if it were not there, but it does, and it is a lot bigger than it.
I did not even touch on Iraq, the war that lost America's world support it gained from being attacked in the first place.
I have not touched on politics much on this blog, but I am a bit on the opinionated side, so I have views on everything. Today the pull out of Afghanistan is on big in the news. That was a colossal waste of time.
Ten years after 9/11 and two invasions later and the result is a lot of people dead and the U.S.A. in economic trouble back where it started on September 11th, 2001 at 830EST; international bully.
Let me explain. I remember, everyone was in shock that day everywhere in the world. The call center I worked in was shut down for the day out of respect. The next day we were not sure if we should call the States, but we did and everyone we called wanted to talk and connect; they did not swear and hang up the phone once. The world was grieving, because no one had ever concieved of an attack of that nature, or the ones that did never thought it would happen and because the targets affected every country in e world. Over five thousand killed from fifty nations around the world. The US, had political good will from ever country save Afganistan.
The US could have walked away from these attacks and converted the good will into lasting world peace and mutual understanding. Sounds like a bunch of crap right, but it is not really that far fetched.
The US has made a lot of mistakes in its history, too many to recount here. Basically any time the US government made a large foreign policy discision bad things have happened but they have made a few good ones, like entering the two world wars. Good job America. But the Manifest Destiny crap and later the expansion of it to a world stage was really bad for all parties involved.
Manifest Destiny is the idea that it is the destiny of America to control the continent, and later all the Americas. It was seen in its earliest form as the invasion of Canada in 1812-14 and the later invasions of Mexico and attacks on Spanish colonies. There were land purchases, Lousiana, and Alaska. There was the policy of pushing native people out from their historic lands and across the continent. Later years there were the political backing and assassination plots all across the two continents from pre-Castro Cuba, through all the Central American counties, South America, and lastly Grenada and again the invasion of Panama in the nineties. Small wonder that the Canadian Military has a plan for when the US invades again; it will one day.
I digress. So the worst happened and Osama bin Ladden claimed responsibility and the Americans were at war with Afghanistan. Simple. But Afghanistan was really a long ways away and there was nothing there of consequences in Afghanistan and the Taliban were the people that the CIA put in control of the country back twenty years previously and then forgot about them. They made some noise in 2000, they blew up some very large statutes of Budda carved from a mountain, a world heritage site, but nothing else. People knew nothing about Afghanistan, except that most of the country was either mountainous or a desert or both and it was Islamic, like every other country near by.
The coalition landed, because the were a great number of nations that were united behind the US against terrorism, and the Taliban fled and were pushed into the countryside and the long process of wiping them out began. This would have been it if not for two main things. One, America is all about punishment and justice for injured parties and not about reform and rehabilitation. Two, America did not listen to the grievances of the Taliban; they treated it as just a terrorist attack and did not look for any root causes. That last one is a tough one to think about. If we use an analogy on the playground of kids playing on the field, one kid grows a rock at the first kid, out-of-the-blue, and the injured party tells the teacher and the first kid goes to the office and is expelled, or the injured party gets his friends together and shows the kid who through the stone a good time after school ends. Either result, no one asks why the stone was thrown. What were the reasons why the Taliban attacked the US? Certainly throwing rocks is unjustified, and terrorism is really really wrong, but why did they feel that that was the only thing they could do?
Sometimes I think that if we could show world politics as something that happens on the playground at school, more people would understand it and change would occur. It is all about history and money.
In the early nineties the Soviet Union allied itself with a faction in Afghanistan and were in voted to help them take control of the country. Most of the other factions did not like this. One faction was contacted by the CIA. The United States, backed this faction. They supplied arms and money and gave them training. I am not exactly sure what the Americans got from this arrangement, but I have an inkling that it was drugs, which they sold and used to fund the rebels they funded in Nicaragua.
When the Russians beat a hasty retreat from Afghanistan, the country and it's people slipped off the world agenda and seemingly out of history. I assume when they won, the funding slipped away and the stalwart American allies were left to there own devices. The popped up once more during the first Gulf War, on America's side and then disappeared again. The US seemed to forget about them and funded other groups. The reason for the attacks was said to be to punish the country that seems to have all the wealth and flaunted it before the poor. It was about morals, but mostly it was about the gap between the very wealthy and the very poor.
Afghanistan has been a jewel to be placed in the crown of many empires through history. The British tried, the Russians tried and I assume that others tried with varying degrees of success. Since the eighties Afghanistan has been the key to a very lucrative industry, the drug trade, specifically heroine. Opium poppies grow in Afghanistan, the are lightly refined and sold to other countries where it is further refined and later sold to the States as heroine. The farmers receive pennies per kilogram of raw product, but in their poor country, it is enough to make a living. Poppies are a cash crop. They do not grow much of their own food, but grow poppies because they can make more money from it.
When the invasion of Afghanistan occurred, the Taliban was pushed out of the cities and into the countryside. The countryside is where they were most supported. It was up to the West to get the support of the people in the countryside. If the Taliban lost the support of the people, they would not get recruits, they would not get new money from the people and they would have no succor in their home country. The first thing that was done when the cities were secured and the Taliban started to run from the country was the burning of the fields of poppies. By burning the fields, the Americans ensured that the war would be long and bloody.
I know, it is easy to look back on policies of the past and point out how they went wrong and armchair-quarterback say how they should have done it, but I have been saying this for many years after I heard what they did, the aforementioned burning fields of poppies. You just can't go into a country and make a decision that affects the lives of so many people because it is the easy thing to do. Burning fields. If it was determined that growing tobacco was considered harmful to society as a whole, the government would not fire bomb the fields. It was in fact determined that farming tobacco was harmful to society and the farmers were given a choice of something else to farm and they were given subsidies to help make that transition. Tobacco is not any less of a cash crop than poppies are.
The better thing would be to go to the farmers and tell them that if they only grew one quarter to one tenth the poppies that they grew in any year and promised to grow more sustainable crops on the rest of their land. The government would purchase the reduced crop at a price at fair market value for the production of morphine. The farmers would get potentially more money from a reduced crop than they would for a full crop sent to make illegal drugs for the west. The farmers would be on side with the coalition, support for e Taliban would diminish and disappear. As for the people who farm poppies, it is not like they feel that they have a choice. People who farm cash crops are in many ways backed into a corner feeling that they do it to survive.
It is about treating people with respect and like they are human. It is about involving them in the decisions that affect their life. The perceptions of the common person no matter what country they are from, is that the wealthy are making the choices and the common people have nothing to do but accept what they are given. People who are repressed have that Same perception, plus that their oppressors may be oppressed by other people, the wealthy west, lead by the wealthiest and most arrogant, the Americans.
I know that individual Americans are okay people. I know that. I also know that the education system and the media sets up a Us and Them attitude within their nation and the faceless American government, hellbent on getting re-elected, often treats the outside world as if it were not there, but it does, and it is a lot bigger than it.
I did not even touch on Iraq, the war that lost America's world support it gained from being attacked in the first place.
Monday, 12 September 2011
Baby eating Myers is in the Briggs
I was at work a few weeks ago, every week but something in particular happened a few weeks ago, and I mentioned to my co-worker that I was INTP. This is not some some radical new political party, but it is a Myers-Briggs personality type; mine to be specific. You can get yours done online in a few minutes of relaxing procrastination, mine took hours as it was very comprehensive. I had it done because I was about to switch my major for the second time in two years and I wanted to get it straight, also, I was having trouble in school because my undiagnosed AS, was giving me troubles. I had to get identified to get extra time in tests. So I did this to see if I could get it in writing, me that is. I needed to know who I was and what made me tick and how then to work with it.
So I am INTP. I am introverted, actually it told me that I was extremely introverted 99% of the people that took this test were more extroverted than me. Introverts make up about 25% of the population. I am intuitive. I have a tough time with what this word actually means, but it is like I do things with my eyes closed whereas the rest of the population relies on what they see before them, or they react to the environment, sensing. That is the best way to think about it. To me there is a picture in my head of the way things ought to be and I work to getting them that way. Thinking vs Feeling, I see things as a problem that has to be solved and I tend to override other things. I don't know if the AS has any factor in this since I really don't understand feelings, at least not the way normal people think of them. I perceive over judging. What this means other than the obvious, is that I have an open mind and I see things as shades of grey.
All in all, INTP people represent about 1% of the general population, but we tend to seek each other out. One of my best friends in University was one, two or three others were so close that it was almost the same thing. And as it turns out after I announced it to my co-worker, she went online and discovered that she was one too.
According to Keirsey Temperaments, I am an architect. I like to plan and build toward. My temperament is introspective, which is true I think about what is happening and has happened and compare that stuff to what I know. That is the reason I was able to diagnose my own AS. It says the next order of temperament is I am a Rationalist or strategist and that means that I am rooted in science and technology. More it means that I encourage self thinking in others and seek equal knowledge in others. The next step suggest that I am an engineer, that I am the type of person who wants to build something lasting and lastly architect, is someone who designs the lasting feature.
Thinking on it I look back on what has happened before when dealing with children, I seek to start their own mind working. As a teacher I do not shovel information on to their blank slates, I encourage them to write on their own, to discover the rules of the universe. I would never tell a child who I voted for in an election, I would never tell them that God does not exist. I would debate close-minded theists at any time, but believe that children should be armed with rational thought and skepticism so they can make their own choice, hopefully correct choice. Oh yes I AM a left wing, baby eating atheist, but I would never tell a child that, but I would hope that they would be able to choose there own correct path once they have all the available information.
So I am INTP. I am introverted, actually it told me that I was extremely introverted 99% of the people that took this test were more extroverted than me. Introverts make up about 25% of the population. I am intuitive. I have a tough time with what this word actually means, but it is like I do things with my eyes closed whereas the rest of the population relies on what they see before them, or they react to the environment, sensing. That is the best way to think about it. To me there is a picture in my head of the way things ought to be and I work to getting them that way. Thinking vs Feeling, I see things as a problem that has to be solved and I tend to override other things. I don't know if the AS has any factor in this since I really don't understand feelings, at least not the way normal people think of them. I perceive over judging. What this means other than the obvious, is that I have an open mind and I see things as shades of grey.
All in all, INTP people represent about 1% of the general population, but we tend to seek each other out. One of my best friends in University was one, two or three others were so close that it was almost the same thing. And as it turns out after I announced it to my co-worker, she went online and discovered that she was one too.
According to Keirsey Temperaments, I am an architect. I like to plan and build toward. My temperament is introspective, which is true I think about what is happening and has happened and compare that stuff to what I know. That is the reason I was able to diagnose my own AS. It says the next order of temperament is I am a Rationalist or strategist and that means that I am rooted in science and technology. More it means that I encourage self thinking in others and seek equal knowledge in others. The next step suggest that I am an engineer, that I am the type of person who wants to build something lasting and lastly architect, is someone who designs the lasting feature.
Thinking on it I look back on what has happened before when dealing with children, I seek to start their own mind working. As a teacher I do not shovel information on to their blank slates, I encourage them to write on their own, to discover the rules of the universe. I would never tell a child who I voted for in an election, I would never tell them that God does not exist. I would debate close-minded theists at any time, but believe that children should be armed with rational thought and skepticism so they can make their own choice, hopefully correct choice. Oh yes I AM a left wing, baby eating atheist, but I would never tell a child that, but I would hope that they would be able to choose there own correct path once they have all the available information.
Sunday, 11 September 2011
Early life to the Cambrian Explosion
Scientist know, so we know, that there was liquid water early in earth's history, this is known by the presence of zircons formed in the presence of water from 4.3 billion years ago. They speculate that life could have first evolved during this time, but was repeatedly scoured away by large impacts. After the Hadean, large impacts became rare and it is theorized that our deep ancestors evolved then.
Life was very different then. The world was mostly ocean and the atmosphere was mostly nitrogen and carbon dioxide. Maybe methane too. Undoubtedly life was very slow at this point, DNA had not yet come about, RNA may have existed. Life would have been in the coolest phase of experimentation. And by that I mean something would happen and something else and in a unlikely context and boom it would sustain itself. The start of life. And then something else would happen and it would die. Or it would get a better form and it would survive. Life is funny like that.
The important thing to realize is that the important thing about early life is that there was not a lot going on in the world. There were volcanoes, there was weather, there was plate-tectonics and the was time. Let's look at plate-tectonics. A plate may move a centimeter a year, many move faster but let us assume only a centimeter. It would take one hundred years to move a meter, it would take 100,000 years to move a km and it would take 100 million years to move a thousand km and four billion years to move around the planet, but it would move. Little changes add up to big changes when one considers the vastness of time. So is life, and so is the start of life. The first bacteria probably took millions of years just to evolve from something that did not have DNA into something that had DNA and became a single felled organism. The big reason was because nothing to start with and the second reason was that without oxygen in the world, everything is really slow.
Life continued to evolve for hundreds of millions of years, all with baby steps. The first big change was likely a container to keep everything together next to create DNA. Not that DNA is really important for life at first, but it is a way to store all the changes that have been made, and by store I mean save the changes to the blue prints of the life that did not die.
Somewhere around two billion years, or more, ago, one of the bacteria evolved that did something horrible. It used light from the sun to create food for itself, with a by product of oxygen. Before this time all life relied upon energy from the Earth and from other chemical reactions. The oxygen was free floating for about a second and then it oxidized an iron atom or something similar. But the beginning of the end of life had started right then and there. Slowly the oxygen would get created and slowly the metals and elements that oxidize were oxidized. All the while life carried on evolving in the oceans without oxygen gaining strong footholds all through the oceans. Other bacteria developed, one that efficiently used sugars to make useable energies and others that did other things. One group of organisms incorporated the energy producing critters now known as mitochondria, within its walls, another took the oxygen producing critters, now known as chloroplasts.
Then one horrible day all the oxidation stopped. Everything was full of oxygen. The rest of the oxygen floated up into the atmosphere and into the water. The single celled organisms with mitochondria and chloroplasts used the oxygen to make energy. Oxygen based life is fast; it has more energy. Soon the first great extinction occurred and most of the non-oxygen based life died; 99% of all there was died. This happened about 542 million years ago.
The new life lived near the surface of the oceans and they were exposed to new things like radiation from the sun, and it had mutating properties. The efficient life began to evolve rapidly. Plant evolved, multi-celluar life, cells that specialized their functions to be more efficient. Things that evolved to eat the plants, things that ate the things that ate the plants and things that ate them too. Everything seemed to explode out of nothing to fill the world. Over the next 40 million years, known as the Cambrian Explosion, all the simple body plans developed; worms, plants, sponges, jellyfish, starfish, trilobites, and the first critter with a backbone as part of its life cycle: the turnicates. Sexual reproduction became the standard form of reproduction, two parents produce young that are not duplicates of the parents, new combinations, new mutations, new life. Everything exploded, and everything continued to explode and diversify. Life did what life does best, exploit every possible niche in the world.
Life was very different then. The world was mostly ocean and the atmosphere was mostly nitrogen and carbon dioxide. Maybe methane too. Undoubtedly life was very slow at this point, DNA had not yet come about, RNA may have existed. Life would have been in the coolest phase of experimentation. And by that I mean something would happen and something else and in a unlikely context and boom it would sustain itself. The start of life. And then something else would happen and it would die. Or it would get a better form and it would survive. Life is funny like that.
The important thing to realize is that the important thing about early life is that there was not a lot going on in the world. There were volcanoes, there was weather, there was plate-tectonics and the was time. Let's look at plate-tectonics. A plate may move a centimeter a year, many move faster but let us assume only a centimeter. It would take one hundred years to move a meter, it would take 100,000 years to move a km and it would take 100 million years to move a thousand km and four billion years to move around the planet, but it would move. Little changes add up to big changes when one considers the vastness of time. So is life, and so is the start of life. The first bacteria probably took millions of years just to evolve from something that did not have DNA into something that had DNA and became a single felled organism. The big reason was because nothing to start with and the second reason was that without oxygen in the world, everything is really slow.
Life continued to evolve for hundreds of millions of years, all with baby steps. The first big change was likely a container to keep everything together next to create DNA. Not that DNA is really important for life at first, but it is a way to store all the changes that have been made, and by store I mean save the changes to the blue prints of the life that did not die.
Somewhere around two billion years, or more, ago, one of the bacteria evolved that did something horrible. It used light from the sun to create food for itself, with a by product of oxygen. Before this time all life relied upon energy from the Earth and from other chemical reactions. The oxygen was free floating for about a second and then it oxidized an iron atom or something similar. But the beginning of the end of life had started right then and there. Slowly the oxygen would get created and slowly the metals and elements that oxidize were oxidized. All the while life carried on evolving in the oceans without oxygen gaining strong footholds all through the oceans. Other bacteria developed, one that efficiently used sugars to make useable energies and others that did other things. One group of organisms incorporated the energy producing critters now known as mitochondria, within its walls, another took the oxygen producing critters, now known as chloroplasts.
Then one horrible day all the oxidation stopped. Everything was full of oxygen. The rest of the oxygen floated up into the atmosphere and into the water. The single celled organisms with mitochondria and chloroplasts used the oxygen to make energy. Oxygen based life is fast; it has more energy. Soon the first great extinction occurred and most of the non-oxygen based life died; 99% of all there was died. This happened about 542 million years ago.
The new life lived near the surface of the oceans and they were exposed to new things like radiation from the sun, and it had mutating properties. The efficient life began to evolve rapidly. Plant evolved, multi-celluar life, cells that specialized their functions to be more efficient. Things that evolved to eat the plants, things that ate the things that ate the plants and things that ate them too. Everything seemed to explode out of nothing to fill the world. Over the next 40 million years, known as the Cambrian Explosion, all the simple body plans developed; worms, plants, sponges, jellyfish, starfish, trilobites, and the first critter with a backbone as part of its life cycle: the turnicates. Sexual reproduction became the standard form of reproduction, two parents produce young that are not duplicates of the parents, new combinations, new mutations, new life. Everything exploded, and everything continued to explode and diversify. Life did what life does best, exploit every possible niche in the world.
Thursday, 8 September 2011
Plenty of Wish
I have mentioned dating in the modern world involves the Internet, which is a godsend for people like me; I am so introverted that it hurts. People tell me that there are lots of single women out there and it is easy to pick up, but I can't. Plenty of Fish is a great site it is free and you get to write to them and they to you, but it is not the same. Some people meet up on the site but most people meet up with people off site. Most people have a type that they go for repeatedly and you can only find that type offline. You can't tell who is going to abuse you the way you want to be abused from the way people write to you. I say it that way because most women I know have serial relationships with the same type of people and they complain about it.
People do go out with people online, they go out with the hot ones, the ones that have listed high salaries or professions, they go out with the ones that say the right things all the time. I am none of those people. My foot winds up in my mouth more often than it is on the ground when I walk.
I get discouraged. Often, especially when I have a picture, I get few responses. I don't know if it is because my profile comes over as a creep or as a deviant.
I make a good friend. In the past and present my female friends have tried to help me out, they know that I have good qualities, but they do not want to date me either. The longest time I could not figure it out. Discovery of having AS has helped. But telling people that I have it, does not. How could it? I am also a serial dater. I date friends. I have never been attracted to non friends.
People do go out with people online, they go out with the hot ones, the ones that have listed high salaries or professions, they go out with the ones that say the right things all the time. I am none of those people. My foot winds up in my mouth more often than it is on the ground when I walk.
I get discouraged. Often, especially when I have a picture, I get few responses. I don't know if it is because my profile comes over as a creep or as a deviant.
I make a good friend. In the past and present my female friends have tried to help me out, they know that I have good qualities, but they do not want to date me either. The longest time I could not figure it out. Discovery of having AS has helped. But telling people that I have it, does not. How could it? I am also a serial dater. I date friends. I have never been attracted to non friends.
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
The most awesome quote ever
Death: Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.
Susan: With tooth fairies? Hogfathers?
Death: Yes. As practice, you have to start out learning to believe the little lies.
Susan: So we can believe the big ones?
Death: Yes. Justice, mercy, duty. That sort of thing.
Susan: They're not the same at all.
Death: You think so? Then take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder, and sieve it through the finest sieve, and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet, you try to act as if there is some ideal order in the world. As if there is some, some rightness in the universe, by which it may be judged.
Susan: But people have got to believe that, or what's the point?
Death: You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?
- Hogfather
Thank you Terry Pratchett
Susan: With tooth fairies? Hogfathers?
Death: Yes. As practice, you have to start out learning to believe the little lies.
Susan: So we can believe the big ones?
Death: Yes. Justice, mercy, duty. That sort of thing.
Susan: They're not the same at all.
Death: You think so? Then take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder, and sieve it through the finest sieve, and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet, you try to act as if there is some ideal order in the world. As if there is some, some rightness in the universe, by which it may be judged.
Susan: But people have got to believe that, or what's the point?
Death: You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?
- Hogfather
Thank you Terry Pratchett
Saturday, 3 September 2011
Planet revision again
Live an learn; since I wrote the entry on planets I have done just that. The first period of time on the Earth is called the Hadeon Eon, the time of heavy bombardment in the solar system. It stretches from 4.5 billion years ago to 3.8 billion years ago. This is the time when the earth first formed until when Jupiter finally cleared out all the major asteroids out of the inner solar system. Fifty million years into this Eon, a Mars sized planetoid collided with the Earth. The core of this object was added to our own and its mantle and some of our own left the planet and became the Moon.
I am going to now make stuff up that I have no support in science, but I could be correct. Before the collision the earth did not have enough gravity to retain an atmosphere, but after the collision it did. This sounds like total BS, and probably is. Our atmosphere came from volcanoes. Volcanic gase contains mostly carbon dioxide and water vapour and this water vapor is where our oceans came from. Fifty million years was not enough time to create oceans.
In any case, during the period of heavy bombardment, the Earth was in constant flux. What does that mean? The oceans were present and life may have started several times in the oceans only for a large impact to vapourize the oceans and start the life process to zero again. The oldest Rocks are from this Eon. There are three regions that contain very old rocks, of at least 4.3 billion years, one in Australia and two in Canada. I used to take pride in this, but now I do not; why take pride in an accident of birth and civilization?
I am going to now make stuff up that I have no support in science, but I could be correct. Before the collision the earth did not have enough gravity to retain an atmosphere, but after the collision it did. This sounds like total BS, and probably is. Our atmosphere came from volcanoes. Volcanic gase contains mostly carbon dioxide and water vapour and this water vapor is where our oceans came from. Fifty million years was not enough time to create oceans.
In any case, during the period of heavy bombardment, the Earth was in constant flux. What does that mean? The oceans were present and life may have started several times in the oceans only for a large impact to vapourize the oceans and start the life process to zero again. The oldest Rocks are from this Eon. There are three regions that contain very old rocks, of at least 4.3 billion years, one in Australia and two in Canada. I used to take pride in this, but now I do not; why take pride in an accident of birth and civilization?
Sheep dog mentality
About a month ago, just as my depression was ending, a friend took me out on an outing with her family. It almost did not happen because my depression was scaring her. I scared a lot of people with that depression, it was the worst depression in fifteen years and it nearly ended very badly.
For me depression does not end with a period of happiness, it usually ends with a change of thinking and then a manic period. In the past the changes in thought were called epiphanies because they were so radical for me. But now they are merely changes in thinking. I guess they were epiphanies because when I changed my thinking before it was ME that did the changing.
The first one was about fifteen years ago, I decided that a girl whom I loved was not worth my attentions, basically. The second epiphany was a change of outlook. Rather than think that a girl was the perfect match for me, I altered my thinking and asked myself if she was perfect for me. By asking I was putting the answer in doubt and I was able to see that she was not for me. This time, I changed my thinking, I told myself that I was worth a bit of selfishness. I allowed myself to be worth something, where before I only wanted to do things for someone else, serve them, love them, now I allowed myself to be open to getting what I wanted.
It has always been about girls. It has always been about sex. It is about forming relationships. It is about what I want most in life but have the least capability in doing.
So I went with my friend and her family on an excursion. And I learned about myself. Gardner's Multiple Intelligences, the antitheses of IQ in many ways, has one of its intelligences that it measures as intrapersonal intelligence, the ability to look at yourself and learn; it is something that I have in abundance. It is also the ability to work by yourself. Sometimes I look at my behaviors and see if I can figure out why I do them.
That day I was looking at girls. There were lots of pretty girls where we were. I really don't understand why men look at women. I look at pretty young women and I see there long legs, there firm bottoms, supposedly soft stomachs, ample breasts and pretty faces with long hair. I see it all and I get nothing from it. I can look at you, notice all your attractive features and not be the slightest bit turned on. And when I say that I mean if you believe you ar ugly, I can see through that, if you are older I can see what you might have looked like and see that, but in any case there is not the least amount of stirrings in my lobedo. So I wonder if I am thinking differently than other men. I am not turned on by flesh, naked or otherwise. Rather I have to be turned on to like flesh. I discovered that when I was nineteen walking the beaches of Portugal; Europeans like to wear as little as possible on beaches, a practice that we North Americans should do because I suspect that if men saw more flesh they would become as jaded as I am. I tried to imagining having sex with those girls and that did not work either. Perhaps I am a mutant. For me, I must know someone before I will ever be attracted to them. Might be my AS mind.
Sometimes I have disturbing sexual thoughts, disturbing to me, so I assure you that it would disturb you, but they do not correlate with hot women being nearby. I will have to explore that more.
Another thing that I noticed is that I ramble on with things that interest me and I need to recognize the signs of when the other people's eyes are glazing over. The subject of the moment was pronunciation. Actually it was a dialect pronunciation. If you live in a large city and you pay attention to people from other countries you will have picked up on this too. English speaking people often only use a limited sound base for vowels. "A" can be pronounced two ways, but other languages can have many more pronunciations. And then we come to my interest, when a name from a foreign place is put into and English format many of the sounds disappear. I try to keep the way they say things true to the original language. Pakistan, Iran, Afghanistan and others sound wrong in the mouths of the illiterate masses that refuse or do not allow for the possibility that they could be saying it wrong. Olga, sounds hard and harsh and ugly in English, the hard g sound is not the sound that the name has in the Slavic tongues. A closer letter is h but there is a soft g sound there too, it is subtle depending on the language I have heard it pronounced ole-YA and OLE-ya, but never ole-ga. My friend, a Russian whose name may sound like ole-YA, taught me how to correctly say Anastasia, which I have been mispronounce for years (anna-STAY-ge-a, I thought that the name was romantic and hot). It is more correctly pronounced a-NAS-ti-cee-ya, or as I remember it, it is nice to see you. Foreign names are written in English, usually not by our rules as a best fit phonetically.
When did your eyes start to glaze over, Pakistan? Conversationally I have to watch people and learn to see when this happens. Remember I do not see body language; I have Aspergers Syndrome.
Last one. I noticed that I am a sheep dog mentally. Put me in a group of people. I will get uncomfortable if there are people behind me and if someone asks where someone is, I will be able to tell you where they are, because I watch where they are at all times. I need to know that everyone is safe and where they should be.
I am glad I went, but I will never go again. I thought my friend's family was closely related to me mentally. Often one would say something that I was thinking and I could complete their sentences, but the conversations where mostly about their family and most of the people there were my parent's age. I had fun but I was more self-conscious than usual. Live and learn.
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