Quick Note:Social life

Busy at last and in all things my social life.  Possibly too busy, is that possible?  After seeing Natural20 twice in one week, it looks like it will be another 10 days before I see her again.  It is my fault, my busy schedule and her schedule as well.  She wants to go to the mountain with me and meet the Wise woman there.  She wants to fix my problems and she thinks she has the magic bullet that will cure my ills.  She thinks that she can cure a life's worth of psychosis in a few sessions with her art.  And I want her to succeed.  She thinks if she can fix me I would be able to have great sex, to have an orgasm.  I want this, but I am worried that she is setting herself up for failure.  I mean, I have had autism my entire life and my problems have something to do with a life of rejections starting from when I was 16 and ending when I met her.  And part of it might be me subconsciously waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Me waiting for the rejection that might not be coming.  Perhaps I might get tired of waiting for it and become preemptive.  I hope not.  I really like her and if I take her at face value, she likes me a lot.  MPTR also like me a lot and she still passively rejected me.  She was the last person I had great sex with.  I am worried her rejection of me was the last time I felt I could trust a woman.  Worried.

I have a pub meet and greet on Tuesday evening.  I have a games night on Friday evening too.  Both are for a Polyamorous meet up.  I don't know what I am looking for.  Natural20 is is a polyamorous  relationship, he and her husband.  I am looking for the same thing.  Natural20 is worried, slightly, that I will meet a twenty year old woman who wants my babies and will not share me. Slightly.  I don't think that is possible.  I think a twenty year old could fall in love with me because I am someone that anyone could fall in love with, but I am not what a 20 year old is looking for.  I am not what a 30 year old is looking for, I may not even what a 40 year old is looking for in a monogamous relationship. I am what people look for in something more occasional.  Someone passionate and compassionate, loving and caring— the things that already have with someone else or don't and need.  I am someone who is different, who is playful and funny, not so serious and someone who is strong enough to make them feel like a little girl.  Everyone wants to feel that way.  To have a little fun.  

What do I want?  I want to have a little fun too.  I also want to love and be loved.  I want to feel secure; I don't expect to feel secure.  I want to lie down with someone all day long curled up together.  Like I was doing last night.  At one time I wanted children, but now I just want the luxury to lie beside someone all day.  Maybe two someones, but I don't expect that.  It would be very cool.  I am not even sure if I really want that though, but I am a guy so I do want that too.