Be happy!

Strange things are happening these days.  I sat down and took a look back at the last few months and I realized that I was happy.  Not really happy, but pleasantly happy.  I started trying to figure out what changed.  It is not getting a girl friend, sorry Natural20, but it is not you.  It has been building for a few months now.  A few different sources too.  I spent a very relaxing few months with a friend and did friend things, the days were not overly happy, but the entire experience has left me with good feelings.  I went on a date in November and it was such a good experience that it changed my outlook for the next few months on dating.  There was no sex on the dates, but I felt worth dating people and my self worth increased too.  I had another date with PrettyKitty a couple of months later and I was much more confident with myself and it felt good too, even though I knew that it was not going anywhere except at most good friends or a booty call or two.  Good friends was a good end.  

The diagnosis of Demisexual/Demiromantic was also a great step to putting my expectations into focus.  I stopped thinking that sex was the goal to dating relegating it to something that might happen and if it did not, it was not the end of the world—that was a big relief actually; pressure off.  Exploring Polyamory is also a big thing, because most of the people I am, have been attracted to have been polyamorous, so maybe I should embrace the possibility too.  I am as of now not in a polyamorous relationship except as a secondary.  I have joined a poly meet up group to see if I connect with anyone.  I sort of have to, because I really like Natural20 and I want to continue seeing her.  When we chose the pseudonym Natural20 it was because I was thinking that I had rolled the dice and got her and she is so perfect for me on many levels.  I don't want to end my relationship with her because I meet some woman who wants me all for herself especially when history tells me that I am too much for any one person to handle.  

I have gone out and met people since coming to BigSmoke and I enjoy that too. More than I would have guessed.  I played a different RPG on Sunday and reconnected with someone I had not seen in over five years.  I felt something when I was in her presence, nothing sexual, and I had fun like I have not had with roleplaying in years.  On that: yesterday I submitted a proposal to run a game in a meetup and I am hoping to get one started, perhaps as many as two games.  Later after I move and I have established a good set of stable players, I want to run another series of games: old first edition D&D adventures.

Maybe, this is the sort of thing that I need to do that will kickstart another aspect of my life, my teaching career.  I am still enamoured with teaching.  I am getting old, to old to landscape and I am not using my mind the way that I can.  I crave to be the best person I can be.

These are the reasons why I am happy.  Sex IS part of it, but not in the way that I thought it would be for years before.   What is troubling is the role that television has in my life now, it is disturbing how it has snuck in to it.