Tired

So. This week I received messages from the three women that have meant the most the most to me in the past year, MPTR, MagicEyes, and Seventh ( who I have not mentioned because she hurt me the most) just before I had my first date in six months.  Which is just weird.  I never expected to hear from MagicEyes nor Seventh again.  So both stirred up repressed thoughts.  MPTR called while I was driving so I could not answer.  It was all a coincidence that they sought me out just before I was trying to put them be hind me.  Such is chance.  I put them out of my mind for the date, but I now wish one of them was in the slightest bit interested.  Lately I have been feeling like I have been selected against.  Sexual selection has found me wanting and I am a dead end.  I want to die.

I have to live to see the Hobbit.  Hopefully when I do I have another reason to live.  This is Asperger's related Depression, depression caused because I realize that I am not normal.  I look around and I feel empty as I look and see people interacting.  I want to, but I can't, I can't talk, but in to that group; I am separate from them.  Date did not go well, I thought it did but she did not. Which is a bonus because she did not drive and lived an hour away., I cruise the internet, all the people are an hour away or more.