Warning sexual content. The warning is for friends and acquaintances who might stumble here.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is something that people have on their own and it is horrible. I know a hand washer, washed until he bled. I know a STD checker, who checks compulsively at odd times in any given day to see if they have spontaneously contracted Herpes. This is all horrible for them and I do not mean to make marginalize OCD, but you can get treatment for OCD and there are drugs for it and lastly you can be cured of it. I am Obsessive Compulsive everything, granted not to the degree of OCD, but over a broader range. When I read, I forget everything, when I game I game for hours, when sex is on my mind…. Well I am getting better, I can work and I can do other things, but it is always in the background.
Because I think about things a lot I tend to have more insight to them, more than people that do them, because they don't think about it. Sex is this thing that is always there for me in the corners of my eye or right up front with my every thoughts. It disturbs me, but it would disturb everyone else if they knew exactly when, where and how often. So here is some insight on sex.
I feel that going up to strangers or friends and acquaintances and asking to have sex with them is vulgar and rude; it is a form of assault, so I would never do that. Never ever, but I want to and I think about it all the time. Except when I am in love. When I am in love I am monogamous in my thoughts and my actions.
I am single though. Very single, with no prospects in this small town filled with people with small closed minds who get married just out of high school and all think smoking and drinking 'til they fall over is fun.
Lately, I have wanted sex a lot. I have been turning to the Internet and dating sites to try to find someone, anyone to help me out. I, when I am not in this state, go to dating sites and I look for relationship people. People that want to share intellectual discourse and people who want to fall in love before having sex. I want this, because I love being in love and actually being in love is a hard thing to do. But I want to try.
Currently I am seeking anything, but something immediate. Which is a little like masterbation. Sex is masterbation, most people would think this is dumb, but I have spent a lot of time thinking about it and I am not most people. I have stated previously that I have a love hate relationship with sex, odd for someone who obsesses about it. I am hypo-sensitive, meaning I feel little or no sensation, during sex. I am hypersensitive, I feel pain and discomfort, when people tickle my sides. I know this is a mental aberration, but I can't stop it.
Masterbation is an autosexual feat that everyone is intimately familiar with, it gives people pleasure when there is no one available to help you out. I can accomplish this easily whenever I am alone and at this time I do this often. Average for me is about 2-4 times a day, recently it has been more. But it is just masterbation, getting off; it is empty
Sex is not masterbation, it involves another person so it is social. It is about personal and group gratification, but because it is with two or more people it is social behavior and it is by definition more intimate and different than masterbation. There are two ways to go about sex. First find another person who wants the same and have sex. The second is pay someone to let you have sex. Most people think that the later is dirty and bad or just wrong, but sometimes it is the only option. It is not an option for me, hopefully. Professionals need to be paid and paid proportionally to there time spent. For most people this is not an obstacle. Most people can get to business and be done in fifteen minutes. I am hypo-sensitive; I need a lot longer. I need a few hours. At the end of three hours I still won't be "gratified", but I will be tired and I hopefully won't need to have sex for a while.
Making love is entirely different. It is social, emotional and physical. The players are present for each other on all levels and I don't need hours. There is a real tangible benefit for me to be in love.
Kissing: I don't need to have sex to have intimate contact kissing is enough. In so many ways kissing is more intimate than sex.
Right now I am looking for intimacy and I am looking in places that I do not consider proper, right now it is a more powerful drive, it may drive me to seek professionals. If I had more money and if they kiss.
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