The secret is to love them and not yourself. That is the only trick. But the problem is that people ceased to understand what love is, true love. Okay what is true love? It is the type of love where you wake up and think only of your lover and try to show your love. You walk around and you think of ways to make your partner happy.
There is a lot of preparation to get to this stage. You have to talk and you have to know the person. You don't have to just know the person you have to be observing them to figure out what they like. And these likes can fall into three types of interests.
The first interest is the easiest to find out and the hardest to engineer. These are life goals, what they want to do with their lives and how they want to live their life. This can be stuff like what their dreams are in life and these drams can change, but generally they are in a theme. Some examples. More-Passive-Than-Rain, wanted to be a dula, a person that assists in childbirth. She was intensely interested in herbs and naturopathy and healing with herbs. She was interested in a close to nature type of living. And there are ways to make her dreams come true. On the simplest level, build a garden to grow some of your vegetables save a bit of money doing that too, make a significant portion of it a herb garden and plant flowers around too. My point is it is doable to get close to some of her goals with little effort.
My mother wanted to give up a career in nursing to become a potter. My dad bitched and complained a lot because nurses make a lot of money and have a really good pension and he supported her. She took courses, bought a potter's wheel, a kiln and my dad installed the wiring for that kiln. He helped her purchase a garage in town to be her shop and when he could he helped her. She did not stop being a nurse until she could make a go of it. My mom likes to garden too. When I was three we moved a house in MiserySauga with a pool in the backyard, raised pool. I don't remember the pool, I do remember the grass that replaced the pool and the huge flower gardens, with foxgloves taller than me on the edge and I remember my mother working in them. I remember when we moved again and again that my mother did the landscaping and built her large vegetable garden. What are you willing to do for the one you love?
MagicEyes was interested in Social work, because she was interested in helping women. She was interested in reengineering society, by teaching boys (Men) on how to treat women correctly; knowing what the word 'No' actually means and more importantly modifying society so that men would not think of doing shit that would get a "NO"!
If there is a woman in my life, I know what they are interested in because I pay attention.
Second, what does she like? What is her favourite flower, what candy makes her excited, what does he or she really like. These are small things that you can incorporate into little gifts. Gifting is an important part of showing your love for your Love. They can be classed into three areas as well, material, immaterial and goal orientated. Material is like artwork or nicknacks or jewelry. Goal orientated is obvious, little gifts that further their personal goals. Immaterial gifts are perishable gifts, flowers, plants, cards, food and stuff. More examples.
MPTR liked elephants, gifts with an elephant motif were special to her. Elephants are very social creatures and take care of their children. She liked daisies over roses. She liked a new addition to her herb garden over something that would die. I imagine that MagicEyes would have liked it if I had acquired course material for her planned schooling, I know that feminist literature would turn her crank, gift certificate to the Woman's Bookstore on Harbourd Street in Big Smoke. She liked living plants over cut flowers . . ..
Gifts are important, but there is a trick to them, they can not be regular. Regular gifts become boring or at worst expected and when they do not arrive bad. Ideally they should be planned and acquired on a whim. That you planned it means that you were thinking of them for a long time to acquire the gift. Whim means you found something perfect for them and acquired it for them. Oh and because I have seen people do this, gifts should not be attached to labour, like the new vacuum cleaner, unless you, the gift giver, are using it.
Third, the most important thing is actions, of which all of the above a are merely subsets of action. Knowing what she or he likes, what they care about, what makes them happy. Examples.
MPTR did a lot of house work because she has a sub teenage boy and now a baby. Picking up the clothes off the floor is an action of care for her, it is making her day easier. Doing the dishes, dusting, cooking dinner, taking the trash out. Taking her son out building him a tree fort, playing with him. Picking the apples off the apple tree rather than letting them rot on the ground. There are hundreds of ways of showing your love. Showing your love shouts louder than the words.
Being selfless towards your Love, will ensure many things in your relationship: love returned, if you are interested in sex, lots of it, if you are not maybe she will try to observe you, and try to please you too.
Remember: listen, observe and act.
Maybe one day I will even be able to put the theory into action. Maybe I will even get to have a reciprocated love affair.
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