The way it is supposed to be.

Someone said to me recently that things worked out for the best and that things were the way they were supposed to be.  And that hurt me because it was my ex girlfriend.  The one that did not so much as get away, but was forced away.  The one that only had to tell her boyfriend who she did not love, that she was not interested anymore, like she told me so many times.  I see what you are thinking, but it is not like that; she Passived Out.  She is More Passive Than Rain.  Passive aggressive, she would not leave him because she was afraid that he would take her daughter away.  That shared custody was too much, that seeing her daughter go away for the weekend was too much for her.  She would rather stay with him and suffer through verbal and mental abuse than to be with out her daughter for one second.

In a way it is noble, an ideal of sacrifice.  She is sacrificing her happiness, my happiness, for her child.  Never mind that her son is being raised to treat women like MPTR's boyfriend is treating her.  Never mind the tension in the home, all that she sacrifices to be with her child.  Funny how noble sacrifice can be turned into selfish sacrifice when the full picture is revealed.  Yes, I am biased, she might be happy.  But she is not.

Love is not the most important thing in a marriage.  Love is probably not in the top five, really.  Because if love IS the most important then what happens when it is gone?  The marriage collapses.  Love is something that can happen, it is something that happens easily.  Trust, that is my more important.  Truthfulness is more important.  Communication is more important.  Hard work is more important.  Empathy is more important too.  When it comes right down to it, everything is more important than love, but if you have those things, you will have Love.  If you have those things you won't fall out of love, because those things will sustain love when things get rough.  And if you don't have them love will fail one day, someday and if love is the basis of your partnership, that too will fail.

So when she says that things worked out in the way they were supposed to work out, I want to slap her. I see that as acceptance but also giving up any part that she had to do with arriving at that position.  

"It is supposed to be that way," also suggests that a higher power wanted things to be that way.  Any way you look at that statement it appears to be fatalistic.  Fate decreed that it was going to be like that. It was destined.  God wants it that way.  What ever you did in your past life predetermined how things are going to work for you in this life.  All nonsense.  Don't believe me?  A little child lies starving in the gutter: Fate decreed that it was going to be like that. It was destined.  God wants it that way.  What ever you did in your past life predetermined how things are going to work for you in this life.

Utter nonsense.  Someone neglected the child in the gutter, someone ignored the child.  The child in the gutter was not preordained to die there.  MPTR was not preordained to be unhappy with her lot in life, but she did accept it and did not fight it.  She did not have to be in the situation that she is in now if she fought for something else, if she met me half way.  If I had not met her half way my life would have been better, well maybe not better, but it would have been different.  There would have been no blog.  I would not have met WaifGirl, MagicEyes, Polygirl, SuperGirl and more people that are not mentioned in this blog.  I might have been happier, I might have been mor unhappy.  There is no way to tell.  But I met her half way.  If she had extended herself just as far, her life cod have been equally different as mine was.  If we met half way, I know things would have been better and she would have been happier and I would have been happier too.

But things are the way they are supposed to be.  What a cop out.  Why not just give up and become the leaf blowing in the wind.  Why not become as passive as rain: fall because of gravity, the wind blows you left or right, back or forth, but you fall.  You can't choose where you are going to land; it has all been preordained.  The rain erodes the ground where it hits, but you just take the form of the pocket of land where you hit, because you are more passive than rain.