But what I can do is compile a few things I have learned and a couple TEDtalks that I have heard. 30 is the new 20 is utter bullshit. If you are planning to get married when you are thirty and you are going to have practice relationships in your twenties, then stop and ask yourself, what characteristics does your ideal match have for when you turn thirty? Write them down if need be, be honest. Your practice relationships in your twenties should be with people who match these characteristics. If you practice with the abusive and yet exciting relationship in your thirties, then that is the sort of relationship you will have in your thirties. It is simple, if you practice badly, just to have that experience, you will learn your chosen instrument badly and when it comes to picking out your permanent instrument, you will choose poorly.
I toyed with the idea of writing a book called The User Manual for Women. I was going to send surveys to a variety of women of all ages and cultures and ask them to fill out the survey and then I was going to compile the data received and create a few archetype complied women. Very invasive detailed surveys and anonymous. The survey was going to be just to confirm my suspicions about women. My suspicions are that women, are people and because they are people, they are as varied in their likes and dislikes as all people are. My idea was to have several chapters that talk about various aspects of women's lives and what they like about dates and dating. What makes them tick, what makes them horny what they like. The point was going to be, to pay attention to the person you are with and learn everything about her, some women like horror movies some like action, some hate both, and some don't like movies. You see, the first step to a great relationship is listening to the other.
The second trick is being honest and speaking the truth with them. Remember the truth is always easier to remember than a lie and the truth is much more interesting too, you remember aspects that a lie can't fill in. Speaking the truth and listening to what they say are the cornerstones to good communication. And communication is the secret to good relationships.
So recap, speak honestly and listen to their answers and seek the ideal. Seek the ideal but accept bronze as a triumph. Hell tenth place is a real accomplishment. If you have ten ideal traits that you are looking for and you find a great person who has five of them in greater quantities and the other five in lesser, you might just have found your ideal person, because no one is going to possess all ten qualities in abundance and if they do, you might be setting your sights too low.
Finding the ideal mate for you is not the end, they might not think that you are the ideal match or might already have found their match, go to your next best match or continue looking. Don't be superficial, but be honest. Don't tell your found mate that they were your second or third choice, such a revelation will breed resentment and suspicion.
Communicate and start practicing for your future mate right from the start. The hot athlete with the exciting life might be fun, but they may not appeal to you after the short term excitement has worn off. Mr or Mrs right might be sitting beside you now and you may miss them by going for Mr or Mrs Rightnow.
Oh, no guarantees; if you are communicating honestly and clearly that is no guarantee that they are too. Communication is a two way street.
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