Conscence

A guilty conscence is something hard to live with.  I once crashed a party when I was nineteen.  I did not know I was crashing until after wards, I left the party when I found out.  I would never have crashed the party if I had known.  I had just asked a friend if there was a party that weekend, because the one last weekend was so good and he told me, but I did not know it was invitation only.  Anyways I was there about two to three hours and since then I have beat myself up about it for atleast ten times the time I was there.

You might call it an overly developed conscious.  Truthfully I sometimes beat myself up for thinking about doing stuff bad.  Thinking, but then realizing that it is wrong and then doing the right thing.  This I know makes me as bad as all the extreme religious people in the world, with one exception, these standards apply ONLY to myself.  I don't tell people they can't do something that I won't let myself do.

Sometimes I wish that my conscence did not exist.  I think about the times that I determined that it was wrong for me to do something that I would have liked to do, but restrained myself.

I guess moral center and a very active conscence is what makes people think I am a good person.  Which is it better to be though, good and unhappy or normal?