Big Smoke and my adoption.

I just spent ten days with my friends from Big Smoke.  I really enjoyed their company but it was bitter sweet.  I love my friend's family.  The little Girl is cute and cuddly, the little boy is cute and cuddly but also fun to be around, well they are all fun to be around.  My friend and his wife are strongly in love with each other and it shows.  They have a rule, bad feelings end after a sleep.  A one day rule, the kids have a variation on that too, the six year old has an half day rule, bad things are not held against him after a few hours.  The three year old has a half hour rule.  

They watch a lot of Phineas and Ferb, which is a great Disney cartoon that has science at its core and is fun for adults to watch too.  But they also play computer games with their mother.  The only thing that She lacks is Role Playing.  To be honest, she is not a ten out of ten on the beauty scale, but as an overall person she is a dead match for my friend, socially, intellectually, and personality wise.  The relationship between those two and me has deepened over the few years that I have known them as a couple, almost to the point that we sleep together, except that will never happen because they never would.  

My friend cooks every meal for the family, and that means me when I am there, and he makes allowances for my vegetarianism.  He and his wife say that while I am there I am their guest and don't have to pay for anything when they are out as a family.  I pay for stuff that I want for myself, and for stuff out on my own but not when I am there or with them.  I tried to break this rule and they explained to me that they considered it rude of me.  So, I don't.  

They are not married yet, they point that out when ever I refer to them as married.  Then they tell me that their six year old gets made at my friend because he has not married his mother.  They tell me that they will get married when the children are old enough to understand the significance.  

The children love me.  They kept on asking them if I was still there when they picked them up from school and daycare.  I was down stairs the day I left before any of the children.  I caught them talking to each other saying that they would be sad when I left.  When I think about them I want to cry too, because I was told that after I leave, they cry because I am gone.  My world is so empty with out them.  Both the children and the adults.  I told the boy, who is unfortunately not as terribly cute as his sister and thus is everyone's favourite when they first see them, that he is my favourite boy child, and then I told him that I have two nephews too.  He is little but he insists he is big.  Little adjectives make him mad.  I think I do love him more than my sister's children.  I love his sister a lot too.  I even love them when they try to hurt me.  The boy smiles a wicked grin right before he bags me, so I know what he is thinking before he actually tries anything.  His sister also beats me up too, more successfully though, because I am not expecting it, eye gouges and head buts resulting in fat lips and pain.

My friend makes up songs when songs come on the radio about his children.  Most of the songs are about his smelly son, who gets angry, but then when he is confronted with the truth, that he smells, he surrenders.  My friend makes up songs about the theme songs for the television programs that they watch, always dirty and usually insightful: Ruby and Max, Max and Ruby, she's a teen age mom on Crack …. In the show they have parents but they are never there, Ruby is the older sister of Max, but how much older is Ruby, could she be Max's mom?  Yes she could.

When I come there I here the stories.  To the daughter, she sleeps in my room, when I am not there, not the reality that she gives up her bed when I am there.  My friend and his wife tell me that I am apart of their family, that it was the kids that told them so.  They have told me that I can move in any time, that I am a part of their family.  I really love them all so very much.  

On other fronts:

I was hoping to meet with a couple of other friends while I was there.  One is currently suffering of a disease called new boyfriend.  The other made arrangements to meet me and then got sick and cancelled, and then told me that she would tell me what happened later, only she never did.  And never rescheduled.  So when I look at Big Smoke I get the positive feelings of the love I feel from one friend and the loss of the others.  I spent half my life in that city and have so little friends from there.  I grieve.

I played a little exalted with my friend, the Nameless had a few stories added to his history, I have to take the time to write them down and put them here.  He also started a story for me, of a character in the series that I played with him and two others a while ago.  I don't like his storytelling style.  He tells stories like a book, it is a really good story, but there is a lot of control on to where the character can go and do and the character advancement must fit his ideas, so usually he does not award experience as much as tells you how the character has changed.  My friend is a control freak.

Anyways sometimes when I am down I think of them, and I don't want to die as much.  Sometimes I think about them and it makes me want to die more, because I am sharing their happiness and it will never be mine.