For example, I am Straight, but I have been very slightly bisexual. Never even kissed a guy and only rarely felt romantic feelings for a man, so very very slightly. But Demisexual changes that diagnosis. Now the way I have to think about it is that personal connection has a greater effect than it does for other people and even if it is a guy I will feel the attraction. It is not me being bisexual, or having leanings that way, it is just there is a stronger connection there. But maybe there is something else there, something to explore in another life.
Asexuality is not an instead of condition; it is something you add to everything else. I walk into a store and I look around. I see people everywhere. I see the young, the old, the well dressed, the dressed down and those dressed to lead on. I see the black, the white, the brown and the others. I see them and don't want to have sex with any of them. I see people who I find attractive and I enjoy looking at them, but it is not something that effects my thoughts in a sexual nature. Moreover, I know that as I interact with people their attractiveness in my mind increases.
Real world example. There is a woman in a Tim Hortons that I frequent, she is young and she has a lazy eye, it screws her face slightly making it unattractive. She has embraced it and it looks like she has shaved some of her hair at the sides of her head and her hair is too black suggesting dye and there is a hint of blue, but it is difficult to see through the hairnet and hat. So she is owning her appearance and that is mentally attractive. She is a woman of principals, she is vegan, is working her way through school, so she can be an advocate for the environment, she wants to be a lawyer. She gets her hands dirty, does the garbage on her three shifts a week, so that she can make sure the recycling is done correctly. She and I have developed a rapport over a few months, when I told her about my bike accident her head went back slightly and her eyes widened. Someone who has an "ugly" face, I find her very attractive. Because I know her. That cute girl with the knee high boots and the very short skirt that rides up her bare legs as she walks, is an eye turner, but I was not thinking about anything sexual. Come to think about it, I was not thinking anything sexual about the other girl either— I mean, I don't know if she is interested in men as ahold as her parents, if she is single, if she is even interested.
The thing is, is that I thought all this was an aspect of my Autism. It still might be. Asexuality might be a common component of autism. In fact, I think it is. But, in any case it is something that can be addressed separately just like everything else. It is something that other people have, so it is comforting. When I thought I had a odd fetish I was feeling alone. And feeling alone about an aspect of your life is always a bad thing. Bad because it means there is not helping you, you are on your own. Asexuality is a recognized state of being. It is accepted and identification of it means that I can look up what other people are feeling and suffering in those respects and perhaps identify with them.
Reviewing a chance encounter back in 1993 with a girl that I knew from my first year in university. I invited her back to my dorm room, she had a couple of hours between class and I thought that she might be bored and we were having a nice conversation. I always found her attractive, but I was not suggesting that we have sex or anything. She thought about it and said no. It was only afterwards that I realized what she was thinking. If I could go back and say, "Hey, its okay, I am demisexual." and the conversation could have gone one from there instead of dropping off in to uncomfortableness.
The real question is am I demiromantic? A person who needs a personal connection to even consider dating, let alone sex. I don't want to go there, because to me it would be splitting hairs. It DOES fit me better than demisexual, but does it really matter? Except it does. A demisexual person could go on dates with anyone at any time, the demiromantic needs to talk longer before actually meeting. Really though I wish that I weren't. I wish that I was not autistic and not asexual. Who knows I might be married with children right now and not perpetually single.
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