Soon it will be the first day in June for this year, and that is a first date, but it is not the kind that I am going to talk about. When a date palm reaches sexual maturity, it produces a flower and the bees pollinate this flower and a short time later fruit appears and matures; I will not be talking about this kind of date either.
For an AS person dating is the most difficult social situation there is. It is a meeting between two people who do not know each other, but want to get to know each other better. Sometimes it is just that, getting to know them, usually however it is about knowing in the biblical sense. Sometimes it is about fun, and sometimes they are looking for something serious and lasting, maybe even procreation.
The problem, for the AS person, is that social situations are not their strong point and dates are all social tests. Tests are things that you can pass or fail, and if you fail you are out, but if you pass, then there is another test. Dating is testing to see if the two of you are compatible and this is usually about social compatibility. Joy and all the air rushes out of the room.
I have just completed a first date and she wanted to know if I was going to blog about it. This is that blog. But that statement is false, we have had more than one date already. The first date was the fly by email where I wrote her and she replied. Okay not a true date, but a test to see if I am potential dating material. Our first date occurred later, when she googled my profile name and discovered this blog, and then gave me a numbers boost as she read my entire blog, from start to finish. And then she wrote back; I had passed the first test.
In the past getting to the first date has been very difficult. People who see me notice that I am different right away, but can't place a finger on why and that reduces my chances there. People who get close, like me and we become friends, but only friends, breaking the Friend Barrier is really tough, nearly impossible. I have met people at work twice, but the majority of people who I have dated I met online, free of the stigma of first visual impressions. People my own age has met with failure, there was one, two if you count carefully, my own age, but on the whole the more successful ones were older or younger, significantly so, average age distance of the recent four has been 14.5 years difference. Add the others and we get an age difference of 8.25. This is a very Asperger's number.
I speculate that the age difference gives me social power, personal confidence. Older women I am more comfortable around and I let my guard down, younger women I am more confident because I have gotten through more years, thought things out more, matured.
First dates, one was to a bar, one went to dinner, one came to my house, two went to movies, two I went to her house. Three were looking to get laid, three wanted to be just friends, two I just wanted to be friends with, and three I was looking for love. That does not seem to add up, but it does. I was looking for love with three of them, two just wanted to be friends and one wanted what I wanted to be just friends. Hopefully, the recent one was looking for the same thing as I, love. Second dates usually turned into sex, something I crave, but do not want. But I have only been on one date as described in the high school dating manual, and that one was last Sunday.
As dates go, I think I liked this one the best and the worst. It was my first date since discovering that I have AS and so I felt a lot more self concsious and like I was being tested, but I passed.
The other thing about this date was that I feel that I can't lose at this point. She has already read my blog, she knows me better than most people. We had our first disagreement through texting and Internet dating site and resolved it. She is learning that when I say something, the simple meaning is usually the intended meaning. We seem to be clicking with everything we do, so love is just waiting to happen, and that is a time thing. I don't want to be overconfident, because I know I can still screw it up, but I feel that everything will work out for us. Unless we get in a heated argument over why I think the seal hunt is a good thing. Did I mention that I know that she reads my blog? No the next real test is the sex test. Am I kinky enough for her. She is way kinkier than I am. Kinky is the wrong word. Liberated, sexually liberated.
Waif girl was that too much for you? Incidentally, waif is a description, not a criticism, you look healthy to me.
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