I am stuck for now in boonieland, dating has always been difficult. A complete listing of all my relationships would be very short list, three in fact. Of the three one was a passing acquaintance who should have remained a friend, the first, I meet online before it was fashionable and the last was a good friend who needed my support. Is there a pattern? Yes there is. Even the girl I met online I knew for months before we hooked up. I date people I know very well. The least successful of the three, I know where the mistake occurred; I rushed into it too soon. I make mistakes about love as frequently as everyone else, the opportunities, however, are years apart and the length that they last is so short.
I am in boonieland because I commit fully to people that I love, there is no middle ground. Sometimes I think on what people in my past have told me, that commitment is important and not to be shy on that account. I am influenced by one friend, who had over twenty relationships in ten years, but would have stopped at the first one that showed any true commitment to her. I would have committed myself to her if she had wanted it, but AS has an insidious reach, or perhaps I am just not relationship material: intent is not enough. I hope my friend who I was just about to name has found what she has always been looking for, but last I heard, she has not. Most people I have found do not know what they are really looking for or do but are looking for fun too and miss out. Clarity of AS let's me know what I want, but AS hinders me from acquiring it. I know what people think of me, but I do not know how to change it.
People who first meet me think I am creepy. People who get to know me slightly better, are wary still but know that there are qualities that I have that make me useful, they know that I morally won't do the things they think I want to do that make me creepy. Once we are friends however, they learn that I will do anything for them and I will try my best for them, but they know that they will never be interested in me and ironically that is when I can fall in love with them.
A few times I have made it clear how I feel, and a few times I have been told to go away. Sometimes it is because I don't know how to tell someone that I am interested and I do it wrong. Women are such skittish creatures. Sometimes they laugh and tell me that we are in a better place than a relationship could ever be; we are friends. The truth is that most women know if they are attracted to someone in the first second, at least this is what I think, then there is a chance. I could talk about the people in my life that I missed being in a relationship with because I was oblivious. But that might be a separate post. Remind me.
Dating in Boonieland. I need to know the person, so I need to be set up with them or I need to be friends with them. I know a secret, one can be attracted to someone right away and get involved and then become friends and later love each other or one can get to know the person over time and find parts about them that you enjoy and fall in love with them. When you know someone and fall in love with them over time they become attractive to you. Laeticia Casta (sp) is a beautiful woman who I would like to have sex with, but I know that I would not be in love with her and parts of her would begin to annoy me and it would be over. But if I got to know someone who I am not interested in, physically, over time I would become attracted physically to them.
Dating on the Internet. You post your picture and fill out your stats and then you join the masses all looking for love. Guys used to number ten times more than the women online, and that has not really changed much. Women have their pick of all the losers in their area, and the is quite a few of those with a few winners stuck in there. So how do they pick a guy? I do not know, but I have theories, prove me wrong. They look at the pic, do they find them hot? Next they look at how much they make $$$, if the site lists that or what they do as a job, I bet some look at how old they are. People have rules that they use to run their life, "I cannot be a day older than my man," is one that I encountered. "My man can not be 'X' years older than me," is common and understandable. But all these rules mean that a few criteria are what most women use to judge whether on person is pick over another. And that means that I will rarely be picked, I am not what most people consider 'hot' and I do not have a large padded bank account and my career choice will never make it that way. Luckily I live in boonieland and the available choices are not infinite out there as they seem to be in the city.
Bad news, I have never been attracted to they type of woman who lives in boonieland. And I have exotic tastes in women that I find difficult to shake, thank you AS. I need to be set up. The last girlfriend I had I was set up with. My friend told me that there was a single woman who she thought I would make a good match with, so I was stating to think about this woman before I met her. She was on my mind. I met her and there were aspects of her character that my friend was right about and there was electricity, but she was not 'my type' but because I was prepared, I was open to something. We became friends, with an edge, and because we worked together I was able to get to know here fairly quickly. When we actually hooked up it was magic. Why it fell apart is complicated, but I feel it was because I do not have money.
Why don't I have money? That is another post. Remind me.
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