I just had a revelation. You see the problem is that when I write stuff sometimes I need to finish it and then let it sit; give it time to ferment. No, not the writing to ferment, my brain to ferment. Half the the stuff I write about I think is genius and it is not. I think I am being smart and if I give it time, I can see that it is not.
Most often it is not if I am writing something personal and I am trying to be smart. That is when I write stuff that blows up in my face. When I am just writing and I let myself be smart, but not because I am trying, I am smart and I write smart. But when I am trying, I fail. Usually spectacularly. Typically I am being smart but because I don't or can't explain it, it falls very flat.
I made a promise not to speak of certain people, which is too bad because it would be a great example. So I won't speak of them. I wrote a friend on Facebook and I was trying to be clever and I succeeded in being creepy instead. At the time I thought that I was being clever and I thought it was obvious, but I needed perspective, which I could not have unless I waited for a time. What this speaks of is an impairment of judgement.
You see, there is an interesting tale to tell. When I was in teachers college one of e teacher teachers told a story to explain that teenagers, ages 12-22 actually, were brain damaged. The prefrontal cortex goes under repair, the last repair of the brain before it stops growing. And during that time people are brain damaged. What does the prefrontal cortex do? One of the things that it does is it interprets actions; it is where our judgement exists. When we see a big gap between rooftops and there are three people on the roof top together, one ten, one sixteen and the last thirty. The ten year old and the thirty year old would think it would be cool to jump the distance and would walk to the edge and look closely. They would turn around and look for the stairs, meanwhile the sixteen year old is road pizza after trying the jump and falling between the buildings. Judgement impaired.
That is sort of like what happens to me. I will never risk my life by jumping the gap between buildings but I will blurt things out. From what I can tell my other Asperger's friend does things similarly and rashly too. So forms the theory, now I just have to research it more. Are Autism Spectrum Disorder people suffering from chronic judgement delay?
Well I know what the cure is for me, never try to be smart socially and when I try to be smart when I write, leave it to stew for a day or so before sending it on FB or posting the letter, or texting my friends or anything. Try not to be smart when I talk too.
The key is not to try. I am smart and when I don't try, I will often say many profound things; they stream from my unconsciousness and they will occasionally make me appear smart and wise, but if I try to be so, I almost always fail. If I don't try, I almost always succeed, even though I do not know why.
Anyways this is sort of an apology to all the people that I tried to sound smart to and I largely failed. I will stop now. Strangely, I don't think I suffer as badly when I blog or maybe I should wait before sending this too? Opps, I didn't wait.
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