Crash!

I am spiraling out of control.
A spiral 2d, is a single line of concentric circles that never touch each other.
3d, the same but adding a third demension, and allowing shape to create a funnel like a tornado or a wormhole or for that matter any tunnel. The concentric circles move in all three dimensions but still from one angle still look like concentric circles.
4d, movement through time, the spiral of a hawk, the controlled landing of an airplane, the movement if the rotors of a helicopter, the uncontolled descent of a flying object spiraling to its doom. My life, spiraling in circles, down and out of control, unwilling to stop, unable to get control over my addiction. My addiction to sex, my addiction to love that I do not have. The addiction to the lies of love, the fear of being alone. The addiction to feeling loved.

Is this the AS? Yes. Is the root from my childhood? Likely. I remember that I could not hug my mother as a child, I couldn't because I was told to stop. My mother I guess was trying to give me independence, but I felt that it was like rejection. I was seven. From then on I felt that I had to hold back. If I were mentally deficient people would let me hug them and believe I was a big innocent, but I never was. I got in trouble at school for kissing my girl friend in line in grade two. From that I learned that you can't do that in public, that you can't do that. Tanya, Tanja?, Nebrosky, Nebroski?

I have had eight hours sleep in two days. I was robbed two days ago because I wanted to feel loved, literally.