Reasons

I have been busy the last several weeks.  Months.  Natural20 asked me to move in and my free time at I need to fill up has been reduced; not that she wants that, it just has.  Add that my free time that I have had has been taken up with roll playing writing, not that I have been publishing that and I feel that that has been failing as the current expedition comes to a close.  I don't know where they are going to want to go; I don't know where I am capable of going.  I have a few ideas but mostly there has been other things.  

My friend died in January and I have made a promise to keep in regular contact with the two children and his widow, and that has been tough too.  I have been the for some things, like helping them move things like furniture, helping the daughter realize that she knows how to ride her bike (she put up a mental block when her Father got sick), took her children away for a day, and planted and done a few bits of maintenance.  Recently I was there for when she went to our friend's father's funeral.  But I need to do more.  I can't replace my friend, but I feel I need to do more.

I have been riding to work and back, just like in 2015, but only 22km a day not 26km.  Also not as hard work, and not as long work.  Also better diet, because I am living in a home, where I feel welcomed—I was welcomed in 2015, but the were aspects that were less than welcoming.  

A friend, one at I helped get them a job with me, has offered to game with his friends.  I went out to meat half of them, then the offer was withdrawn.  Then it was given again, then it was withdrawn, then it was given again.  And I am tempted to just say no.  But I want to play.  It has been a long time that I have been a player in D&D… even longer since I enjoyed myself playing, so I want to play, but.

Then there is the coming game, the wrap up and the results of the overwhelming weath they have acquired.  And I don't know what the next step is and Natural20 has suggested that the thing I was interested, might not be the thing that the players might be interested in.  Which I am taking it as a warning that I may be going off on a tangent, but it has made me a little depressed.

I would like to talk it through with Chris, except, he is dead.  I miss him; there is a void in my life and I need to find someone to fill it.  Maybe, I can use My old friend, the one that I almost stopped talking to permanently, for justifiable reasons.