The pity party is not something that really appeals to me. I don't want to get together and cry about how my friend's parents died two years ago in a car crash. It was terrible, but it was two years ago. I am sorry that your parents are not immortal like my parents; I think I might say that to him next time he brings it up again.
Callous, cruel. But true. Wait. He will tell me that my parents are not immortal either. I will look at him like he has grown a second head. I know that, I will respond. My point is that he is not the only one whose parents have died or will die. Everyone dies. You are allowed to be shocked if it happens suddenly, but you are not allowed to bring it up forever. It is what happens in life: you, we all, die. It is a shame when a child dies. When my charge died, Alfie Moreno, of Muscular Dystrophy and I was shocked, even though I knew it would happen, because that is what happens. He died when he was 13. Dying of a heart attack is also a shock, but usually you see it coming. Not always. Poor eating. Obesity. Smoking. Heart attacks are not usually a surprise, and if you don't make huge changes in your life, you will die with your second heart attack. My friend's father was in that case, so his death was not really a surprise, just that it was not a heart attack.
People get old. Old people die. See life above. The older you get the closer your get to your death date. Funny thing about aging is that you are also more likely to reach an older age than a child is, but you are still going to die.
Why this topic? My father just told me that he has a serious case of Melanoma. I took the news calmly. I had already assumed that he was hiding minor skin cancers lesions for years. I have known that I was, if I lived long enough, going to die from Skin Cancer. I accepted his eventual death, and I have accepted mine. I apologized to Natural20 a few times. She plans on living until 124. I don't. I might have only 30 more years. That is how much older my father is than me. I expect I will not live that long. I don't court death any longer. It is just a fact that I have gotten more sun than my father did 30 years ago and let's face it damage from the sun will be worse over the last 30 years than the 30 years before.
I know that barring accident or violence, that is my end. I also knew my father's end before he did. That he was hiding from me that he had skin removed from his arm; I assumed skin cancer; he never said. In either case I knew he was going to die. It is all part of life. Nothing to worry about.
Nothing to pity.
The effects of cancer are what happens before you die. You don't really die of Skin Cancer. You die of Brain Cancer, lung cancer, liver Cancer, lymph cancer, et al. You try. You treat the skin cancer, but it comes back. And you need to keep on it. Body examinations every month until you die.
Maybe they will be better at detecting cancer early and better at treating it over the next 20 years. Maybe. I intend on spending my life with with Natural20. But I will still apologize often.
I will not engage in the pity party that my friend revels in as he keeps his Parents's death alive. I would rather keep the memory of my Father alive. I am a Psychopomp, and we Psychopomps, are stoic and private. We don't make a big fuss about anything, especially Death. My grandparents funeral was just close direct descendent and siblings. My other Grandmother died and it was just our family.
No pity Parties. I won't even tell anyone except you.
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