The two do not mix. I have too many friends where people have forced them to have sex. The word is rape. That word encompasses so much pain and unhappiness that I decided a long time ago that I would not even approach it. As a big strong individual I hold back a lot. I don't push through crowds and I don't use my strength on people. I know that when I am angry my internal power and energy go to the surface and people see it and they are afraid, because I could throw people. So sex. If I wanted to fuck people and might were right I could take what ever woman I wanted, but I never have, nor will I ever do that; because that is not sex, it is domination, subjugation and it is violence.
Sex and love are more about caring than procreation. Making love is about putting the other person first and foremost. It is about thinking about them before you think about yourself and specifically in sex. It is not about violence and it is not about force. Or is it?
We look at the world and almost every man is bigger and stronger than every woman. We collectively remember a time when men went out and earned the only paycheck in a household. We remember a time, before we formed memories, when the man of e household set the rules and enforced them. The Man was the ruler of the household and woe to any that crossed him. Women in that situation did not want to be dominated, perhaps, some did, but I think that if they were given a chance they would pick freedom of choice.
So today's men are sensitive to a woman's needs and society backs us up on this. Women should be given the freedom of control in e bedroom. Yay, feminism wins!
FULL STOP. Feminism wins. Feminism has not won, women are still not being treated precisely like men in equal and comparable circumstances. They are regions that are male dominated that do not need to be. There are places that women dominate the workforce too. Women still take care of the majority of the household duties and the child rearing. More women are their own bosses and more women wield real power in the workplace. Women are empowered in all aspects of their life. Which leads us back to rape, some men take back that power by physically dominating women and crushing their empowerment. This is wrong. It is all wrong. It is wrong that men take the power they feel they have lost through force. It is wrong that women are not treated equally for equal contribution and it is wrong that women have been so empowered in their lives.
Let me take that last one again. It is great that women are empowered but it sucks too. The power should be shared not surrendered. Women should not have all the empowerment in the home life, they should half of it. They don't get the recognition for it, any of it, most of it—at work and especially in the home and woman dominated work areas are less valued by society. Secretary, Nurse, Homemaker, Domestic help, Retail, Teacher. Construction, Doctor, Management, Salesman, Scientist, Professor.
My girlfriend, whom I love, who I have had more sex with than any other person in my life ever, my girlfriend of two months, told me a couple weeks ago that she does not want to be in control in the bedroom. She is strong, physically and mentally, she is the mother and principle caregiver to two children, she has her own business, has published her own book and she is empowered completely, but she does not want to be in control in the bedroom. So I had a conflict. I love this girl and I want to please her and I don't want to hurt her and I never want to rape anyone. Except she wants me to.
The phrase is called Overcoming Resistance. That is what happens when women are raped; the man overcomes their resistance and has his way with her. My girlfriend was asking me to overcome her resistance; she wanted to feel dominated. She has control over her entire life and has had control of her entire life, but with me she wanted to feel without control. I pushed on her shoulders and she pushed back. I out weigh her significantly, but she is strong. She is the strongest woman I have met for her size, she lifts weights every day, eighty to one hundred pound weights called children. I am much stronger than her, I can lift her up. I hold her down. I overcome her resistance.
We men, who are stronger and bigger than most women, don't want to hurt anyone, we don't want to force anyone and we don't want to rape anyone. People don't communicate well, in the bedroom, we accept what happens there like it is what is supposed to happen there. We have our preconceived ideas about what people want and they rarely match up. My girlfriend and I kiss a lot, before, during and after sex. Kissing is like a democratic process, there is give and take and unlike other muscles tongues are fairly evenly matched.
We trust each other, that is the thing. We love each other. For her birthday last week I had a surprise for her. We were kissing and I grabbed her arm and pushed her down. Her eyes lit up. I reached out and brought out from my pillow a cuff and secured her wrist. Surprise and pleasure. The next wrist followed. She then squirmed and resisted. I tightened both cuffs and pulled her arms up and away. Her smile was so intense. When I grabbed and cuffed her ankle, the shock mixed with pleasure was priceless. She wanted this more than she knew. I liked it more than I thought I would. Mostly it was that she wanted it that much that I wanted it too. She tied me up later, I let her because I trust her.
It was different. When you love the person and they want to be dominated, when they request it, it is something that I can do. I love this girl and I will do anything for her, including break my vows, but then did I? It was consensual and we are adults and when she expresses that her hand hurts the cuffs are off as quickly as I can find the Velcro straps.
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