Date, she has an infectcious laugh.

I met this woman online.  I chatted with her.  I went out on a date with her, but I live too far away from her, so there it will end. 

Again.  

I am not sure if it is just because of the distance.  That is a factor, but it might also be that I am not really a whole person yet.  

When you cross a room in a restaurant, do you see all the people as adults or peers.  Are they?  Sometimes I see them as adults and I scurry to avoid notice. 

This adult that I went out with made me feel complete and grown up.  I had a very good time.  But the longer people talk to me the more they get to know me the more they are likely to see my flaws and pull on a thread.    One of my big threads is that I don't like myself.  I am a little too selfless.  I put others before me and belittle my own pains to the point of not accepting help, freely given.  

Maybe if I lived closer to her it would not have happened, but I think it would have.  

I ask myself is this something I should factor into my move choices?  Am I ready for a relationship with someone?  Am I mature enough?

Will I ever be?  Should I just give up and Move back?  Is that me not living my life though and living my life for others?  I still don't really know how to date people.  Am I mature enough?

Am I mature enough to date younger women, but because of their experience level, not find them interesting, but see them as someone to guide? I feel that they are expecting someone of greater means if they were dating me, better job, better car, better life.

I feel like a lesser person than the women of my age.  They are better established, they know themselves better, they expect not to be holding all the cards, or at least the better hand.  

Time for a do over, if reincarnation works.