Drought Part II

Poverty is not just about money, there are more than one area to be poor in.  I am poor relationship wise.  I have perhaps, not enough friends for my liking, but without a doubt not enough intimate relationships.  I have been in a drought relationship-wise for a very long time.  I have never been in a long lasting relationship that has lasted over a year.  Mostly, this is because I have been so desperate to be in one that women run scared away from me.  Partially because my ideas on who I was interested in limited who I was paying attention to.  And who I was paying attention to were not interested in me.  Women who were able to see past the desperation and who I were interested in have been few and far between.

The last one was going to be the last one.  I have learned the secret of keeping a relationship, theoretically.  Applications to test this theory below.  Most people don't learn the secret.  They fall in love and they are with their partner for as long as the love lasts, then they leave, or they enter into senescent love: love that has died over time but neither parties have moved on and they can't think of what to do without each other.  They think they are still In love, but they don't really want to know.  Some few are still in love and are so forever.  Some have even learned the secret of long lasting love. And long lasting sexual interest.  The two are tied.  Without the latter, the former has probably slipped into the former: relationship death.

Are you having sex more than once a week after two years of being together?  Are you having sex more than once a week after five years together?  Maybe that is unrealistic?  Maybe if you think that, you don't know what I know.  Perhaps you only have sex a few times a month and you have been together for years, but the sex is really good.  If you spend less than an hour having sex a month, you probably have a problem.  

Here are my rule: Pay Attention.  People change over time and you need to change with them.  You need to open your eyes and be attentive.  I am not saying that you need to change positions everytime, but you do need to know what the person who you are with likes.  Mostly this is aimed at the guys, because sex is more complicated for women than it is for guys.  

Guys have a penis and it is easy to manipulate and easy to give sensation to, so almost everything works.  Women are different, they have a clitoris, which is external and internal.  It is the size of a penis, but most people don't know that they think it is tiny and hard to find and difficult to use (obviously the wrong word, women know where it is and how to use it).  Men like it simple and if they treat sex as simple, it becomes boring and one sided.  Which will parallel your relationship, it will become boring and one sided.  

I am not saying that great sex means that you are going to have a great relationship, but if you can't have great sex, you are not going to have a relationship for long.  If you are ignoring her physical needs you are probably also ignoring her other needs as well.  Understand?

It is about her needs because as much as people say a relationship is not about sex, it is.  A man starts just having sex with his partner, the typical wham bam, thank-you ma'am, type of sex and then rolls over and goes to sleep, everytime the sex will start to fail.  If the sex is boring for a woman, it will become infrequent.  If sex is something that she looks forward to, she will want to have sex more often.

If you don't know how to give good oral sex men, go google it.  If you are great at giving good oral sex, go google it anyways.  If you think sex lasted a long time and it was less than ten minutes, try to do better.  It is not a race.  Sometimes it is, but that is really about listening your partner.  Try new things like Tantric Sex, the art of making love for a very long time, hours.  

The number one enemy of all relationships is Complacencey; it leads to boredom and it leads to the end.   

Sex is the canary in the coal mine.  I know this because I listen.  I don't have a girlfriend because my desperation scares women away and because I like very small subset of women, but if it happens again I will keep her happy forever.  It might be my lack that is giving me this insight, it might be that I just have empathy.  It might be that I see the value of what many take for granted because they have never experienced a drought.  I might even be speaking out of my ass.  Applications below.