Understanding that men in our society are the rulers; everything is positioned for their benefit. Because I am a man this situation is not readily apparent. I had to wake up. It is always good to take the situation that you are in and change the denominators to see if it makes sense still. Replace woman with black and if the situation looks racist, then the original situation is probably sexist. But it is not always that easy to do.
I made a post a week ago where I stated that I think a situation should be one way rather than another. And when I finished and published I started thinking about it. Often when I write something my thinking occurs well before what I wrote gets written, but when I write something I also think about it again and make some changes as I go. Sometimes, in addition to all this thinking, I think about what I said after I wrote it. This is what occurred that last time. I wrote something like my words should be imposed on society and for no clear reason and then I saw it, I was writing from a position of having something and I was advocating for another, women. The trouble was that I feel I was doing it incorrectly, like a man and I was doing it from my elevated vantage point.
The trouble is that being in a position of advantage you can not see that you are advantaged. I am not advantaged though in ways I can see, wealth, social skills, political Capitol, or anything that our society deems useful; I am even educated working way out of my field lost in near poverty. I do not see my advantages because for me they do not exist, just as my well of friends do not see their own wealth and advantage.
Magic Eyes made me aware that I had advantage over her, I did not believe it, but I listened. I kept my eyes open hoping to see it, or rather not see it, but I did. It is still hard to explain it, because I don't try to use it and I try to treat everyone the same way. Her examples of what I did that prove her point had other explanations, most of which I could not explain to her. The privilege I get as a male is codified in everyone's perceptions. It is like a positive reputation, if you have one, people treat you differently and if you have a bad day, or do something bad they treat it as a lesser event and give you a pass on the day or the bad thing. Men have an automatic pass. It is like the "Man Cold"; men get a cold and get babied, anyone else has to go on with their life in misery. Any tragedy that befalls a man is worse than if it happens to a woman.
There is more. Being a man means that you are not held to the same standards as women are. No woman can a casual location in scruffy dirty clothing. Poor grooming standards are a forgiven given for men, but a sin against humanity for women. For women, crude behaviour is horrendous but the same behaviour in men is just lewd or crude. Examples, women never fart in public and men can scratch themselves. Women by social convention have to make an attempt to make themselves presentable. But there is more; it is not just about what a man can get away with.
Women have a large and lengthy code to follow, one that has been impressed upon them by men, but is enforced by other women. Seriously if you are a man, do you really care if a woman's legs are shaved? Here is a fact, leg hair that has been shaved is prickly, but that is because it is short, long leg hair is soft, but it is often dark and noticeable, so women shave for aesthetics. Aesthetics are contrived, if I love you, I won't care, if I am trying to date you, I am not really interested in your legs, I am interested in what is going on behind your eyes. Other men are just trying to fuck you and the condition of your legs is not an interest to them. I am probably wrong on this but I think shaving your legs is more about appearance to other women.
You are assuming of course that women only follow this "code" because they are forced to, by men, or heaven forbide, other women. Have you stopped to wonder if perhaps women follow this "code" because they want to? I personally find leg hair icky. Yes, that's the word. I don't like to see it, I don't like to feel it, on my own legs. Don't really like to see it or feel it on other's legs either. Male or female.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote this under the assumption, as most people do, that ALL women are suppressed, and their codes are enforced, but you are not allowing for the idea that perhaps they choose to live the way they do.
Women don't need to be released from oppression. Women need to be able to function as they see fit, without someone or something else being credited or held accountable for it.
Society needs to stop this idea that everything that a woman does, she does under control of another.