Angry

So I walked away from work today after only three hours.  Everyone was criticizing me today and I was about to kill someone.  It started yesterday, I went to Big Smoke with a friend and on the way back she started criticizing  me.  It was not criticizing it was giving me advice.  Advice always feels like criticism.  You are not doing this right you should do it this way.  That is what it feels like.  She did not say that, she said that I should do something.  But it feels like she is criticizing me and my life.  

I try to separate myself in two to look at things rationally, but it does not help and I can't do it; I am trying now.  Separating the emotional and the rational self is really difficult, especially when my emotions are so strong.  She tells me that I am using AS as a crutch, that I don't have to improve because I have AS. She tells me that when I go on dating websites I should pretend to be normal so that I can surprise them with the AS when they are emotionally invested.  I can't do that, because I am the one that gets emotionally invested early and it is they that leave me.  I asked Magic Eyes.

Magic Eyes has blocked me on FB, again.  She did not say stop this, or stop that, I just woke up with a message "I am sorry" and a blocked account.  She stopped following me on Tumblir, but she did not block me from her account.  She also did not block a FB alter ego, which is strange.  It leaves me feeling all dead inside.  I have no one to talk to about it.  No one would understand.  It is all my fault.  About I can't talk to anyone about it.  

All I feel is people criticizing me.  And I can't kill them.  I want to kill them, so I go home.  I want to kill myself.  I am constantly angry, but I can't explain it to people.

My friend tells me I am smart so I should be able to tell the difference between advice and criticism, just like I should be able to tell the difference between someone poking fun with me and someone trying to make me mad, just like I should be able to tell the difference between sarcasm and truth.  But I can't.  And it makes me angry.  I want to kill something, break something; I want to get it out but I can't, I have no valve to release.  I want to die.