Game running blahs

I might be getting tired of running my Exalted game.  I might be tired of running period.  One of my players asked if I would be willing to give up the GMs hat and let him GM, even if it were with his rules.  I responded with a hell yes.  Excuse me a, Hell Yes!!

But really I was thinking of a longer gap.  I have another friend who runs all the other games I play, have played for longer than three sessions, has been ill and when he suggests that we play, my answer is in the affirmative— even though I would like to say no.  His games are too structured, no not that.  His expectations for stunting are too high.  I deliver a stunt and he ignores it.  I try really hard to make something cool in my description and I achieve the lowest stunt possible; it loses the fun for me.  It feels like my friend the GM gets to have all the fun.  His strict adherence to experience means that I never have a powerful character that can do stuff.  His control makes me feel like I am just a pawn in the game.  My playing style does not lend itself to his game.  He complains that I start to become part of the scenery and become a secondary character to his story.  That is how I feel, and that is why I inwardly cringe when he suggests he wants to run a game.  

I ask myself if it is me?  Is it all in my head.  It might be.  It might be that our lives and our desires have diverged more and more over the years and being friends is the reason we are still friends.  I look at our mutual friends and I see I have diverged even further from them in the last two decades.  I am their friend because of my first friend.  Is that enough?  

My friend was dying and I was there for him.  I will likely lie to him and tell him that I have had fun the next time he runs a game.  I am friends with him more than just the games and the two decades of being friends… I love his children too.  

I am tired of running my game.  I am tired of running the game and not playing.  I wish that someone might decide to run, or that it ends.  I hope their style is something that I can play and have fun.  It has been a long time since I have had fun playing in a RPG.  

I begin today to set down the new setting that I want to run.  Who will play in it?  Will Jaguar decide she wants another kick at the can?  Natural20 will play, but she is my love, so she will endure my games to stay close to me.  The Practitioner will likely be good… but if he is too busy that is fine.  I have learned my lesson and won't invite the Schmuck.  After that I don't care.  I might take time off and not run at all.  I don't know.