It is not Complicated

The girlfriend.  I have not told many people about her, other than I have one.  And I have told four people about it in better detail.  And half of them have warned against me becoming attached to her because of the following paragraph.  Facebook has four settings for your status off the top of my head.  I can't recall if married is one of them.  Single, in a relationship, not listing a status and it's complicated.  My relationship is not complicated at all.

My girlfriend has two children, who she loves very much and a husband who she also loves and who knows about us.  It is not complicated, because there are no lies and no drama to make it complicated.  It is simple.  I am not The Other Man,  but I am her other man.  She loves me, I am certain beyond her insistence that she does.  I know that if push came to shove and her husband said it was either him or me, I would be gone, but I know that it would not happen because he also enjoys dating other women too.  

I read in a book recently a conversation between two people of radically different cultures one stated that their people experienced love and loved their wives and husbands a lot.  The other exclaimed, you mean you have multiple spouses?  And the response was that to rely on one person to forfill all ones needs was an unreasonable expectation to place on one person.  Sure their youth often tried to do just that, but after they had matured they realised the strain it placed on the relationship and accepted more people into their marriages.  

My girlfriend and her husband have made a life together and are raising two beautiful children together.  They have a house in the burbs and a lifestyle that fits them fine and they are happy.  Except when they got married they were different people than they are now and they have different needs, but they don't want a divorce.  That is it, it is the point.  People change and they can grow independent of each other and away from each other and they need support in areas that they are not prepared to give to each other.  Unchecked this can cause a lot of marital strife, arguments and resentment, but it would not actually mean that they did not love each other.  It would change everything though.

Imagine a white pot of paint.  White it is perfect in every way every time one of the partners contributes something to the marriage it goes into the pot.  If it is supported by the two of them, the colour is white, but if it is unsupported, it is red paint.  Everytime the marriage grows there is a chance that a drop or two of red will enter the white paint and that is okay, but eventually if it continues the paint will not be white anymore, it will be Pink.  Cleaning the red out of white is nearly impossible.  

What if the two have a seperate pot where they can add the red paint and one for blue paint the second and third jar represents someone else to share that aspect of their life and to support them in those interests.  The marriage remains white and unmarred.  Strife remains out of the marriage and the family is intact.  Everyone is happy.

My girlfriend has added a lot of new stuff in her life that are unsupported by her husband and u am picking up the slack there, I have qualities that are similar to her husband and I am different.  She is growing into our shared life and we love each other in a different way than she and her husband love each other.  If I had time for another girlfriend she an I might go bicycle riding together and spend our time doing other things and my girlfriend would know about her, even if they never met.

I am not in a complicated relationship.  There is no hiding and sneaking, just a lot of hugging and kissing, talking and not talking, fun and serious stuff.  This could last the rest of my life.  Ask yourself how many friends or family could not make monogamy work before you tell me anything.