Let me tell you a bit about me. It is funny, funny ironic, that the thing that I seek most is the thing that I am least likely to achieve. I, as mentioned before, have Aspergers Syndrome and what that is is difficult to explain. It is a journey that I have been on my entire life, but one that I did not know or understand until recently. What I seek most is social acceptance and general social excellence. But what holds me back from this is an extreme form of introversion and AS. It has been said that about 95% of all communication is non-verbal and that people are able to navigate through social morays through use of this type of communication, but I and everyone with Autism are blind to this non-verbal communication. Autism is a spectrum, much like the colours of the rainbow are a spectrum. The low level reds progress through more and more active wave lengths until the high frequency blues and violets are reached. Autism has its reds, people that can hardly function and a visibly disabled and dysfunctional and they have people that are virtually identical to the general populace and seem normal, at first glance, in every way and there are people that fill the range in between the two extremes. Aspergers Syndrome is decidedly on the blue side of the autism spectrum, we are functional and can live in society as normal people, strange normal people.

There are many traits and behaviours that are attributed to people with Autism. We become focused to an extreme and we plan our actions well in advance, but become angry if the sequence is disrupted, in a sense we are inflexible. If we decide that our course is straight ahead and the road changes direction, we are soon angry wand in the ditch. AS people are higher functioning because we have more elaborate plans that involve more of the possible variables and different outcomes, we are more able to deal with the curves that life sends our way. More able does not mean that we can always deal with them, however. I went to teachers college, it was in teachers college that I learned that I had AS, but it was there that I learned of some of the strategies that is would do to cope. The kids would, after receiving instruction act like kids and and move not in planned ways disrupting my ideas on how they should do things severely, but I was able to deal with it and not get angry at the children by scheduling for it. I would put in my plans something called organized chaos. This of course bothered my mentor-teacher to no end when she looked at my notes, which caused me to leave it out and just mentally tell myself that it would occur. I try to schedule everything that is going to happen so there are no surprises and I do not fall off the track.

AS people tend to be average to above average intelligence. I am very intelligent and know many things and I am able to plan far into my future so nothing can surprise me. And of course, I fail. The longer the projection the more uncertain the outcome, but I try. Because I am intelligent and I know many things, when I was younger I tried to gain social acceptance from others by knowing everything and jumping to the answer; in schools I have to remind myself I am not supposed to be the one answering the questions. Friends though that because of the way that I acted, knowing things was most important to me and that is so far from the truth. I have friends that still think that is what I am about. I desire social acceptance, it has been at the core of everything that I have ever done. And yet I am an introvert, the introvert's introvert you might say. Figure that out. My life is one big set of dichotomies that seem at odds and cross purposes, but to me make a lot of sense. I do not seek fame or fortune, I seek that love and under standing of the person I am with at any time, and I will do anything to get it.