Some people have asked for this warning, a few years ago mind you. Well here it is.
Asexuality. Demisexual. Demiromantic.
I am it. But what does it mean. For me it is like this: it is like going to the candy shop with a dollar, but only a dollar and I can only buy one candy bar which a dollar. There are many choices and I have to read all the ingredients because i can only have one and if I am not sure about the one I pick, I will be unhappy with my choice. And then I will have to save up for months to get another dollar and get another chocolate bar. Months. I mean literally months to a year. If I had more money I could buy more than one candy bar a day, I can eat them, but I won't be very happy and the chocolate will taste like sawdust. I have to read all the ingredients, I have to know what the chocolate bar is made. I have to carry the chocolate bar around for a week or two to get the feel for it before I eat it. I need to savor it.
Polyamorous.
I am it too, I think. When I find a good chocolate bar I can eat it all this time. When I put the chocolate bar down, it still is a good satisfying chew, but I have put it down. I want to pick it up later maybe. I like one with nuts. I like one with peanut butter. I like one with wafers. I like one at has marshmallows in it. I like to eat only one candy bar at a time, but I still like the other ones I already love.
I am both. Demiromantic Polyamorous, maybe?
I would like to eat more than one chocolate bar at the same time or rather in the same week. I want to be committed to each chocolate bar, but I find it hard to handle and read the ingredients of candy bars. I find it so hard that I can't really do it. When i have money to buy chocolate, I find that the chocolate does not stay on the shelf as long as I need to read the ingredients and get a feel for the bar. Sometimes I see the candy being purchased so quickly that I grab one before I get to see if there is cane sugar or corn syrup in it. I grab because I crave chocolate so much that I gamble. I don't gamble well usually. Sometimes I get lucky, like last time, but.
I like to watch chocolate television shows, I like to see the varieties of chocolate in the world and the odd molds they put it into. I like to pretend that I am eating that chocolate, but when I see the chocolate at the candy store I balk. Because a fantasy about chocolate is just a fantasy and there are things in the actual candy that will give me an allergic reation. That is the thing other people they eat chocolate all the time and buy new bars all the time because they don't get sick when they eat it. I get sick if I am not careful. If I am careful, I can still get sick.
And you see it is because it is so difficult that I want to stop eating chocolate altogether; sometimes I think it is not worth it. I still want chocolate, I still dream of it but the dream is better than actually eating chocolate. I still love the chocolate bars, all of them. I get so unhappy.
It is not my choice to be demiromantic. I don't want to be it. People don't understand that. Everyone thinks I chose to be this way.
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