Sex yourself

Is it a sign of maturity that ninety percent or more of all sexual satisfaction during sex is about what the man is doing or comes from the man.  Maybe it is just my sexual relationships. What I mean is that if I am not happy about the quality of sex, it is on me and not on the woman.  

To be clear, I am in a relatively satisfying relationship with Natural20 and we have been together four and a half months.  I would not change a thing*.  But I was thinking about my past relationships.  Every woman I slept with in a relationship, fell in love with me and I ended most of those relationships.  they ended because I did not have enjoyment in the relationship in the sex.  I thought that it was them, that they were not doing something or that they did not do something for me.  This was not their fault; it was mine.  

Part of this realization has to do with the realization that I have been thinking about for years before I met Natural20.  Part of it is recent.  It is summer time and it is hot and the women, in particular, are wearing less clothing.  I am noticing a lot of them.  Women come in all shapes and sizes, surprise, but I realize that I am attracted to some more than others and that my perceived attraction is irrelevant—it is an attraction of bodies and not of minds.  I have always used my mind to direct me on relationships, but I still perceive beauty, at least what I think of as beauty, the purely physical kind.  I would wander and wonder if sex with these people would be better than the person I am having troubles with.  I never strayed even though I wanted to, but I now know that what ever the problems were that I perceived, would follow me, because the fault was with me.  

I work with younger men and they all see the same women I see and they are all attracted to them, but I am not.  Some of them I am, but most of them I am not.  I wonder what it would be like to sleep with them, but I know what it would be like, because I have been with enough women to know that it is not the body that makes the the better experience, it is knowing the person.  Still, you see a beautiful woman and guys want to have sex with them, even knowing that it will not be any better than sex with any other person.  That is the trouble, because if you are not having Porn Star like sex with your partner, you are not going to have that kind of sex with someone new.  

Alternatively, this is not true with women.  It is true that they bring their own set of problems with them where they travel, but the quality of the sex they have can be dependent on their partner more.

What I have learned over the past is that if I want a better relationship the answer is not to look for a different partner, but to work on myself, and that will improve my relationship.  It is admitting to myself that I am the problem, that is the mature thing.  If I had known that before, maybe I could have avoided  years of unhappiness.