Friday, 4 April 2014

Drama Queen

I was just talking to a friend, WaifGirl, about the worst type of people in the world.  There are two there are the Passive-Aggressive people and there are the Drama Queens.  

Passive-Agressive, have to be the worst, because they constantly acquiesce to every suggestion that you make or a good number of them but then turn around and do what they want to do.  They won't tell you this and they won't let you know that they don't agree with you, but they will willingly agree to it and seem to participate only not follow through.  It is important to identify these people right away, as they will hurt you.  If you get involved with them there are two strategies, one let them dominate, then you know what they want and don't want and are thus not surprised by them.  And two, suffer.  If you yourself are just passive you can have a relationship with them, if you have a back bone and your goals are different from them, get away from them.  When I say relationship, I mean any type, friends or more than friends, they are all relationships.

The second type are Drama Queens.  They are easier to identify, once you experience them, so there fore easier to avoid any type of relationship with them.  First off they come as both male and female and the use of the honorific 'Queen' is derogatory and sexist, but is used in conjunction with 'Drama' and then becomes like the word 'Blonde', which people who have yellow hair find offensive, but the term 'blonde' is less offensive than 'Air Head'.

Drama Queen-is the combination of two personality traits to make one horrible personality.  They are all Extraverts.  This is not a bad personality type, it is just a necessary part of the equation, you can't have a drama queen unless they are in your face.  They are all selfish.  It should be said that everyone is selfish and very few people are completely selfless, selfless people tend to have short life expectancies; they tend to give of themselves until they die, so a little selfishness is necessary to keep yourself alive, but there is selfishness and Selfishness.  Drama queens rarely think of anyone but themselves and they lead poor lives.  It should be noted that they live the same type of life that other people do, it is just that they see it as if the Entire World is against them and not as it is in reality that the Entire World has not noticed you and never will.

Things happen, but to a drama queen things happen to them and they can't wait to tell you this, because they need to be the center of attention.  Thinking like a typical introvert, I see that if I had been an extravert, I would have been a drama queen, well could have.  You see I am trying to figure out why people are drama queens and I am looking at the histories of the Drama Queens I have known and at my life history, the only life history I really know—see typical introvert.  Trauma is the cause, specifically feelings of abandonment.  Eldest children would most likely then be drama queens.  They were abandoned as children for the younger more needy sibling and sought there attention any way they could.  I imagine that age difference is a factor, small age differences and large age differences between children make less drama queens.  But siblings can't just be the answer, the world would be filled with drama queens if it were so, mind you there is a lot of them out there, so there can't be too many more factors.  

It is about what personality traits are part of your nature, genetics, or nurture, those that were learned from your environment.  About 75% of all people are Extraverts and the rest are introverts, given that split I would have to assume that that trait is genetic, 3:1 being a perfect simple genetic ratio, but there could be other factors, but I don't know what they might be, so it is easier to focus on the nurture side of things.

Perhaps abandonment issues are more pronounced in a drama queen's life history.  Favourtism of a younger child by parents might be a factor if there are only two children, one child feels ignored, not just because all the attention is focused on the younger child, but because the younger child is receiving different attention as well.  I have to be careful here as my I am wearing Autism coloured glasses, so I have to separate it out.  My mother wanted a girl.  She had plans for a girl that she did not have for a boy.  I am a boy, I was the boy and my sister was the girl, obviously, but more she was the answer to my mom's desires.  She made my sister dolls, with clothing to match, and when she got older she made my sister dresses, lots of dresses.  To be fair, she made me a few stuffed animals and one Greenpsychopomp doll with not quite matching hair colour, but from the start it was all about her.  Later that changed, especially when my autism started to become prominent, but also truthfully there was still difference in how we were treated.  Despite this extended paragraph about me, and that I have started talking about me and have turned the conversation to me, I am not a Drama Queen, because I am too introverted, but that is how a true DQ would do it.

I have an autistic friend though, and I see many of the traits that are associated with DQs in him and me.  When people are talking about something that happened to them in the presence of a DQ, the DQ will make the conversation about them.  I used to do it a lot, but I learned not to, however, in my head sometimes I am shouting to make it about me still.  May that is what you do too?  

There must be some other trait that makes a Drama Queen.  I have noticed a correlation of a few things, but correlation does not equal causation.  Social trauma as mentioned before.  People are all unique individuals and they react differently to the same stimulus and their parents teach them uniquely differently based on them and their other children and what they are experiencing in life at the time, as a math sentence it would look like this: unique x unique (or unique squared if there are two parents) x unique.  Simply saying some people react one way when another in e opposite way.  Trauma can therefore be severe or negligible depending on the person.

I had a friend Sheryl, whom I loved unrequitedly, a Drama Queen, if I could admit it to myself.  I know her history as much as she told me, in details that are not necessary here.  She might have become a drama queen because of one or two events in her life, being told that she was a love child and that she had another family, and she was e only girl of both families and thus special.  She was also molested by one of these people.  There is a lot of trauma in there and there is a lot of other people treating her extra specially.  I can't say if either had a hand or none.

Another girl I knew had a mother who had addiction problems when she was young and moved out in her small teens to live on her own, she pulled herself up out of some major shit, but she is a drama queen too.  I don't know whether being a DQ is a survival technique that allows people to pull through bad shit or if it is damage that shows up like a scar on a personality.  Maybe both.  I do know that Drama Queens can still be good people, that you can love them as good people.  I think it is possible to cure them, but extremely difficult to do because they are Drama Queens.  Sometimes it is just better to let them go.

•You might be a DQ if you need to be the center of attention so much that if some one mentions that their mother just died you find yourself talking about your aunt that died when you were six, dominating the conversation.

•You might be a DQ if you walk into a room where there is an active conversation occurring and since it is not about you, you start a new conversation with one of the participants

•You might be a DQ if bad stuff seems to happen to you all the time and you need to tell everyone about it.  Even the good things in your life have bad elements and you need to tell people how horrible your life is.

•You might be a DQ if you feel people are slighting you for no reason all the time because they are not talking to you or not smiling or not saying nice things about you.  

•You might be a DQ if you feel that when people give you a little advice, job direction, tell you to stop doing something, that they are criticizing you overly harshly and and now would be a good time to a) cry, b) mope, c) tell the boss that you are not being treated fairly by your coworkers, d) stir up trouble with other people, e) try to be friends with someone who actually was treating you badly, because acting nice with someone only makes things worse and deep down inside, worse means that you were right and the world has it in for you.

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