Greenpsychopomp: December 2013

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

YouTube Trawling

I listen to several Skeptical Podcasts that I enjoy immensely. Yesterday I searched one of them on YouTube and found a very interesting video mix and sat about and watched it. Thirty-one videos varying lengths from a little over a minute to over an hour.

Here are a few:

This is a logical argument that destroys Christianity, Catholicism in particular. I mean his argument dismembers this Religion in about Ten Minutes.

This is a video of a rant in a fictional setting against so many of the people I know, who I consider friends, but really want to shake them.

Popular song, sort of, about the magic of the world of science.

The Most Fantastic Fact Ever!!

James Randi discussing the archaeological facts about Jesus's home town of Nazareth and how it proves the Bible is Fiction.

Proof that there are people in The United States with a brain and that Atheists have Morals.

Monday, 30 December 2013

Tolkein Trekkie

Depression. Joy. What can I say about it. It seems that it is a natural consequence of having a good time for two days in a row. Does that make sense? In the previous two days I hung out with friends and saw a few movies. I saw The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and I saw Star Trek, the one that came out seven months ago. Seeing movies in May does not happen for me due to work, but Winter is a good time. Unfortunately, I watched it with someone who can't shut up and not give away the plot for other people.

The Hobbit was a good movie. Criticisms first, because there were only a few, actually two. One was the encounter with Beorn. I always pictured his character being broad shouldered with a earthy personality, magnanimous and hearty. Tall but seeming short due to his broadness, basically a bear of a man. I felt that more time could have been spent with his character and less time with the character of the second criticism.

Smaug. When he was shown in the first movie he was seen as snippets and pieces, his entire being could not fit on the entire screen. There was dread and there was mystery, most of all there was anticipation. When Bilbo first stepped in the hall of the Dwarves, there was a biting anticipation, where is Smaug; very well done. Also well done was the revelation of Smaug, it was done slowly, with care, with a feeling of dread and awe. His massive body obscured was revealed inches by inches. It's intellect revealed in a quick conversation with Bilbo where he determines where he comes from and by what route with very little information and then, and then Peter Jackson decides that people want to see more of the dragon and more of the CGI technology.

The result of this added fifteen minutes of computer gymnastics is that the cunning Smaug was turned into a Buffon, easily outwitted by a bunch of dwarves and his grace and power are eliminated as he is turned into a clown who tumbles ineffectually. I am a big fan of dragons, but I understand that this is not the book and it is a different story, however treating Smaug poorly makes his defeat and death a lesser event.

How I would have changed the end, I would have cut the last scene in half, gone more with the original, because sometimes the original is actually better. In the book, Smaug is enraged at the invasion of his home and fills the tunnels where Blibo fled with fire, I might have added special effects where its fire melts the stonework. Smaug then exits the mountain and searches for the secret entrance that the party used and then the dragon tears the mountain down bury the dwarves. The movie would end there for the good guys and for those that do not know differently, Bilbo and the Dwarves are dead, Smaug is seen ghosting over Dale heading to Laketown, the first time he is in complete view, but in the distance.

Anyways, I know that more than a few of you who saw the movie liked it all, but really the statue made of molten gold . . . Peter, you jumped the shark on that one.

The elves, the fight scenes, Gandalf's confrontation with the Necromancer, the Spiders and everything else were great, awesome. The addition of female characters, female elves was the best. Radagast with his sleigh pulled by bunnies. There is so much awesomeness in the movie, but I seem to discolour it with a beef about the last ten minutes.

Star Trek 2. I liked it a whole lot, but there are complaints, however because there are no books it is not like I can complain about how it deviated from any better plot. I can complain about how really great SciFi movies have huge budgets, but not enough money to vet the plot with a real scientist! No really, I am an amateur scientist, I am a active skeptic and the glaring science stupidities that the writers commit really gets my gal. I mean no-one thinks it is odd that a ship without propulsion is orbiting the moon one second utterly motionless so they can show a truly fantastic scene flying between two ships but then a moment after the action ends the sip is crashing into the Earth, 200K km away?

But I digress, because it was an epic film with much lauding of the previous set of movies and awesome line stealing from classic Trek, which was good because there was a lot in the film that would appeal to Trekkies new and old.

But Cold Fusion Bomb, really?

Anyways writing seems to have snapped me out of my funk, which is what I was hoping that it would do. I should be due for a huge depression next week, because later this week I will be heading to Big Smoke to visit people and that should eat up all my good mood.

Sunday, 29 December 2013

Reaching new heights

I have been thinking a lot lately, but I have not been writing my thoughts down. Mostly because I can not type as fast as I can think, way slower actually. I have some friends that type upwards of 100 words per minute and I am sure that one of my friends is much faster. I type perennially at about 20 words per minute and largely error free, which is a lie because the auto spell check is on always on this device and even then I still get typos. I am very curious on my most blatant typo being the word 'the', occasionally I rereading my stuff and see a lone 'e' and I wonder how I missed e 'th'. Look there it is again. It is funny because when I type other words that end in 'th', I often add an additional 'e' as in withe.

I have been thinking on a way to streamline the magic system for the RPG that I have going in my head. This is for a story that is in my head, a long novel, but I am getting the cart before the horse in that one. I am getting a hang up based on the inability to write dialogue. The trouble is that I see it as an Asperger's thing. I want to socialize, I want my characters to socialize, but I don't understand socializing so my characters have the same problems. How do I get my characters talking when I can't talk.

The idea about the magic system is there is a short cut where wizards and sorcerers gain the ability to cast magic quickly, but everyday people also have the ability to cast magic too, but it is a long and grueling process. Average people have natural magic, but only in areas where they have surpassed perfection. A blacksmith who is so good in his trade that he reaches the pinnacle that any normal person could reach and then steps one step beyond and becomes so good that his axes that he makes are magic like. The archer that homes his skill to perfection and then becomes more than perfect, bulls-eyes at one hundred paces become bulls-eyes at two hundred, five hundred and a thousand paces, arrows that fly true around obstacles because the archer is better than perfect. An actor who acts so well that the roles she plays feel completely real.

The people perfect their skills and then step beyond them. Individuals rarely become the best in their field, but some special people exist that do, and a few of those are better than that.

Amongst those average people, the ones that step beyond what a human can do are the heroes of the ages. Beyond them there are three individuals, three people blessed by the three Goddesses, one champion for each, one for each, but only one in the entire world. The Red Goddess's champion has been around for millennia, a master of time. His eyes see the unrealized potential of every situation and the chain of events that follows from them. As a master of time, he is able to move through it, to step into the time stream that best suits his purpose as an agent for the Goddess. The Blue Goddess, the invisible and unseen Goddess, the Goddess of magic and skill, has chosen her new champion, a girl who if she survives her childhood can master any skill with astonishing speed, to be the best at whatever she chooses to do.

If I can figure out dialogue.

If I can figure out conflict. Bilbo is looking to help the Dwarves, Frodo must destroy the One Ring. Kvothe must tell his story in three days as danger creeps into the town. Loche Lamore must pull of one more impossible heist without getting caught.

What is the Champion of the Blue Goddess's quest, what are her trials?

I know that her world is deeply misogynistic, and women are treated poorly to say the least. I know that her trials will prove that women are just as good as men and that the treatment of them is shameful, but for a fantasy story, those are incidental accomplishments. No I know that changing a society is NOT an incidental feat, but there has to be some quest where the heroine must discover her skill and learn that her society is deeply flawed. She must learn to see her world a new and seek to change it, but there must be some conflict to draw the excellence out, because the blacksmith cannot see his skill by merely drawing out iron and shoeing horses all day, the archer must be forced out of desperation to try to make that impossible shot that he has no right to make, if he is to achieve his greatest potential.

Sunday, 22 December 2013

Star Wars

Most of my friends' first and favourite movie is Star Wars. They all saw it in the theaters when they were little and it had an everlasting impact on their lives and therefore on mine. One of the reasons why I have not been blogging as much lately is that one of my friends has gotten me into playing the Star Wars online game: Star War the Old Republic.

In this game you get to play either on the side of the Imperials or the Republic and then you have the choice of four different character careers. There are also many species you can play and so far two sexes. You can play a good character or you can play an evil character; it all about the decisions that you choose when you play the game.

I first played the game about two years ago when I was staying with some friends for the winter. They were hoping that I would continue to play and interact with them online, but I was not interested. I was not interested because I felt it was a game that I could spend a lot of time doing and I did not want to spend that time doing that.

But I did try it again this Autumn on my own without their coercion. There are a lot of aspects of the game I do enjoy. You get to play stories, like in RPGs, but without a lot of people.

The real problem with the game is that a lot of the story is repeated with each character. Over three quarters of each careers story line is repeated in other stories and some story lines are reused by both the Imperial and Republic story line. What I am saying is that the repetition detracts from my experience, in other words, I am getting bored playing the same story over and over again, even with nearly two years in between

So, when my friend texts me two weeks ago and tells me about a new RPG, based on Star Wars called Edge of the Empire. I get a little excited, because it is an opportunity to role play with my friends, but after playing so much Star Wars lately, I am not really all that interested. I still went out and bought the book of course. Is this a sign of depression returning though or have I just been playing too much Star Wars?

The things people do for friendship right?

Sunday, 15 December 2013

Anger

When I was young I would tell people, other kids, that I was like a volcano; silent and strong seaming under the surface, but turbulent deep within building quietly to a point where there would be earthquakes and then suddenly with little warning an eruption of violence. Other people said that it was because I had red hair and people who have red hair have tempers. The last statement is stupid. People with red hair have tempers because they are different and people like to treat different people differently especially when they are younger. Really is it a surprise that red heads have tempers when they are provoked frequently for no other reason than their hair colour? And this was before the annual 'Kick a Ginger Day'. Really I don't understand why red hair is called Ginger, ginger is sort of yellow, unless it is because of one actress with red hair named Ginger, seriously?

Of course the volcano analogy is much more accurate for me because I have Asperger's Syndrome and I don't show emotion through body language and when people piss me off, I don't show it and people think I am immune like a mountain. Then I start to trample with anger. Then I lash out and then they don't seem to understand why I did that, like it was a surprise. For me anger is like a tally, everything that gets me mad adds to the total. It adds up and up until the dam breaks and everything comes out. The dam changes in thickness over time, depending on what is happening in my life. Theoretically there is a way to let off steam and relax a little, theoretically because I have not found it.

I am writing this now because there have been earth tremors for a few months now. Tremors lead to earthquakes which may lead to an explosion. That is not true, the tremors are near daily occurrences and the earthquakes have been happening.

Earthquakes relieve pressure that builds up in the Earth. Usually the pressure of the sliding of plates spawns many small quakes that bleed off the energy, rarely it just builds and a large slippage occurs and a lot of pressure is burned off in one big event with lots of little events all around it. With volcanoes it is different the quakes are caused by the expansion of the ground around it, heat expansion and movement of the mountain as it breathes, but also as the plates move apart or come together, rather than slipping beside each other.

Last year I almost erupted, I had an earthquake experience that nearly broke through my emotional dam. I nearly killed my boss because he cheaped out on vehicle maintenance and the vehicle I was driving had a major failure just after I finished driving it, if it had happened while on the road, who knows what would have happened. Anyways my boss just flipped off a comment that he was expecting the vehicle to fail spectacularly and just didn't know when. He was lying on the ground at the time looking under the vehicle and I lifted my work boot off the ground with the extremely strong desire to crush his neck with my full weight. I am not writing this from jail, and I am still getting paid and only you and I know how close it was. Well probably only me, because unless you truly understand exactly what blind rage feels like, total loss of control, you would not understand how close it was. Since then, there have been many aftershock earthquakes.

But you see I know how to feed the volcano, so I know what not to do to feed the volcano, but the problem is, I have not been doing that. Let me explain, the things that people do add to the volcano and that happens all the time, but the real problem is when people do things to people I care about and the pressure builds up faster, much faster. I learned no to care about myself, it helps to have a low self esteem, but learning not to care for others is really very difficult.

Work seems to be a good place to grow to care for people. Where else can you interact with the same people five days a week for eight hours a day, more or less for many months straight, learn their hopes and fears, their joys and their sorrows, become friends or become enemies. For someone who doesn't have anyone else in his life this is bad, but for me it is dangerous. I have to switch jobs frequently. I am usually fired. I become wrapped up in the other people's problems and try to do something about it, that is what gets me fired. Or I get to know people and I become passionate about them, passionately in love doesn't get me fired, but passionately angry does. Passionately anger is the same as irrationally angry. If I switch jobs before that happens, I leave that all behind and have to start again. New people, new problems and I get to reset the timer. But I have been in the same place now for six years

Six years, with one year break in the middle. Six years with winters away. Six years with extremely busy springs. So only the Summers and the Autumns to grow into people. But I have been learning the people there for six years and I have grown to respect some and dislike others I have respect for most and none for some. But no outlet, except right here.

Let me tell you what the earthquakes are like. It is starts as a complaint. There is a story of in injustice and then there is a trigger and the injustice gets exaggerated, I know that it is an exaggeration, but I am not in control now. I can't tell if there is a physical response, but my voice changes and my heart rate goes up and e anger that is under the surface comes up and threatens to spill over.

All it would take right now for everything to go critical is for an injustice to happen before my eyes right then. Then I would get fired again. At best.

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Depression Cure

Dear You,

Depression sucks. It really sucks a lot. I bet you knew that. Have you always been depressed a lot? I have. I first became depressed at age seven. My parents noticed and sent me to a psychologist and really that did not help, because what seven year old even knows why they are happy let alone why they are depressed.

That little useless spiel was me trying to say, I know. What It Feels like. I wish that I could tell you what the magic cure all is, but I can't, and if I found it for me it would be different for you. Because depression is about You and not about Me. When you find something that does cure your unhappiness, the work begins, because you have to figure out why it makes you feel happy. And why may be the key to understanding your depression.

For example, we can take me. I can remember a few periods of time when I have been happy. I am not depressed when I am in a relationship. Actually that is not true, I am happy when I am in love and in a relationship. That has happened only twice for me, but I am a mutant; are you a mutant? Why was I happy? I was happy because I had someone to give everything I had and they would accept it, in my mind. The end of the relationship nearly drove me to suicide, so we know that the answer is NOT love and a relationship, but it might be giving everything I have.

The second time that I remember happiness was when I was volunteering at a school. I did that for five years, I had to work evenings and nights to do it, but I thought I had to do it so I lived with it. Truthfully, I had the work schedule first, but …. —I did do the volunteering and about half way through my third year I saw that I was not depressed anymore, it snuck up on me. Why was I not depressed? I think it was because I was giving everything I had. I might need more data. Probably not.

Why am I still depressed? Because, it does not go away, ever. I have to learn to manage my depression because it is something that I will have my entire life. That and I made a few mistakes that I am trying to recover from and get back to giving it all.

What can you do? You can look at yourself and think why you have been happy. What was in common with those experiences in yourself. If there was another person there, don't tell yourself it was because of them, because it wasn't. Your happiness was given to you by you, no one can make you feel happy. If you discover the universal depression cure, on the other hand, I want one percent as I am not greedy.

You can call me if you want, if you need to, or leave a message.

Tip: go for a walk or go to the gym if that is what you like. But do your physical activity alone, because if you do it with someone, there is a chance that you will associate the good with that person and when they are not there it will feel all the worse.

Give me a call if you want.

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

What I hate about my blog

It is in the numbers, currently 4100+ page views, but not page reads. Recently I have been getting a lot of hits from non-readers. Websites trolling for something, but I don't know what. Some of them are porn sites, some of them are ad value rating companies. I got bombarded after I suggested that the NSA was watching my site. But, I am not saying that correlation is causation, because it is not, just curious. Here are the stats: