Warning there is sex in here.
Kink. What is kink, as it is a relative term. Sex in the kitchen to some people is kinky, sex outside is kinky to some. To a lot of people both of those are tame. BDSM to some people is normal and normal is not kinky. Where I fit on that spectrum of what is kinky is a bit difficult to place. For instance I would love to be in a threesome (FFM) one woman with a strap-on fucking me while I fuck the second woman. Is that kinky? It is a fantasy that probably will never be for-filled, but is it kinky? It really depends on where you fit on the spectrum. I might go for a MFM threesome with me in the middle, that would be more exciting, but not something that I would be really interested in. I am okay with bisexuality, I am just not attracted to most men.
What I do have is a Fetish, is that kinky?
What is a fetish? Can you tell me that. From what I can tell is most people think that people with a fetish are deviants and or sick unless they are all about Tits and Ass. The man, and they are almost always men*, wants to lick feet and toes, the man wants the woman to be in leather, the man wants to be pissed on or shit on during sex. Men with fetishes like this are sick deviants.
Except they are not. A fetish is not what it is in the public mind, it is a restraint due to a commitment to an irrational devotion. *Sexually, fetishes are irrational devotions, psychological restraints, that without the devotion being present an orgasm will not happen. Two things, first, because sex is about the orgasm, in many minds, it is most often associated with men, because in our male dominated society, the male orgasm is the point. But how many women say that they don't have an orgasm from sex? Yes, the man might not be skilled in sex and that might be the reason, but it is most likely that the woman has an undiagnosed fetish. Secondly, in the above paragraph replace want with need. The person needs to lick feet and toes, the person needs to be in leather, the person wants to be pissed on or shit on during sex. People with fetishes like this are damaged psychologically, but not bad people necessarily.
There was a study that I heard of, I don't have the study so I can't cite it. In this study the scientist male rats were kept in cages with an object and were introduced to female rats while the object was present and they began to associate sex with this object to the point that the male rat could not mate without the object being present and they could orgasm with the object being present alone. They gave the rats a fetish. Very similar to Pavlov's dogs who began to associate a bell ring to dinner being present so that at any bell ring would cause them to salivate.
Okay I know if you have gotten this far, you want to know what my fetish is. Do I need leather, do I need to be pissed on, shit on, I know you want to know. My fetish is I need to be in love with the person I am with.
How lame you say. How debilitating I say. Hey it would be great if I was currently in love with one special person who wanted to have sex with me, but I am not. If I had a leather fetish, there are people I could pay to let me get off. If I needed to be pissed on or shit on there are people who would do that for me. There are a lot of postitutes who will dress up as a school girl if I had an age play fetish. There are no prostitutes who can make me love them so I can get off. I have learned that not everyone I am in love with loves me back and that none of those would have sex with me just because I love them.
Okay we will come back to me later; let's get back to women. I have met several women that can't have an orgasm during sex. Most often the root cause is sexual abuse as a child. These women probably have a trust fetish, probably because I don't know, but they have told me that it takes them months to orgasm with their boyfriend. They might have a love fetish too. This would suggest that they did not actually love their boyfriend until months after they started sleeping with them. Trust or love it does not matter for women. It does not matter for women because having an orgasm during sex in our society is not necessary for a woman. I do not believe this, but the women believe it, especially the ones with the fetish.
If a man does not have an orgasm when they have sex, the man has a problem, or worse the woman thinks it is her fault. If a woman does not have an orgasm, that is normal. If the woman wants the man to feel good, the woman can fake a nice loud orgasm, no questions asked. If a man fakes an orgasm, he has to quickly hide the evidence a condom with no sperm. Much easier to do with out condoms, but harder to fake a moneyshot.
I have a love fetish. I want to get to know the person deeply and I don't necessarily want to jump right into the sack. Oh, I want sex, I think about it more closely to the stereotypical male than the actual man, but I want to really get to know the woman first. When I go on a date with a woman, I would prefer to sit on a couch or sit in a scenic location and talk. I want to know the person and intimately understand her. I try to listen to her. And then I slip into the friend zone. I want to be in the friend zone because only friends can love each other. But most relationships enter the friend zone long after having sex, most people fall in love after having sex. The emotional bond caused by an endorphins generated by an orgasm, mutual or otherwise, leads to friendship and a relationship.
Do you understand why I say my fetish is debilitating? I can't do relationships through that standard modern way. I have to do it the old way, the strong way. Modern women used to the new way, the weak way, find that they don't want to have sex with a fiend. They don't want to have sex with a friend, because friendships caused by sex ARE weak and prone to break up and heart break, because the friendship was forged by endorphins. A woman who gains a friend without sex with a member of the opposite sex who is single is so rare that there is a fear that it would be ruined if sex enters the equation.
I guess next time I will have this argument to add to the debate. A relationship that is based on an endorphin rush is weak and prone to breakup after the endorphins go away, but a relationship based in friendship is still a relationship based in friendship whether there are endorphins or not, but I can't see how a friendship with endorphin rushes can be bad.
I guess I wish that I did not have this horrible affliction called a love fetish; it is an anchronistic artifact from an age that is past, in an age where people leave it up to chance that the person that they fuck might be good match after the endorphins are gone.
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