Tearfull Soul

As the the story goes,
The pain is only in my mind,
I see her as the one that got away,
Or the one that ran away.
Her cowardliness is plain to see,
She said she did not want to hurt me,
But it is clear that that's a lie.
Her claims that she is selfish,
A bad person to the core,
Are all the more false,
If she was telling me the truth.
for if she were selfish, 
She would have said,
Come and see me soon,
I want to test myself,
I want to fall in love with you,
Fifty fine dates.
She did not ask what I wanted,
Not once was this a part for her,
It was me that has the bad history,
Of giving up everything for love.
And give it up I would, 
Give up a town I hate,
Give up a job of distaste,
Move away from friends who drain,
Move into your embrace.
Last time it was more, for less,
This time would have been great.
But you made your choice,
I have to live with it,
Even if I do not want it.

But I ask myself if it were all a lie,
If she was just a girl on paper,
If she was just acting . . .?
If she lied and wanted me to push,
If she wanted me to take charge.
To push her into the dirt and fuck her.
But, for my part,
I always saw her as my equal,
As someone not to rush,
As a person worth a very long wait.
I trust you see that she is me,
Me is she.
We are only just learning to love ourselves,
Both an equal of this fact.

Perhaps, I older, know what she does not,
That this match was rarer than she might believe,
Years from now after years of mismatches,
She too will understand.