Addiction Shame

Addiction .  Is addiction an addiction if you want to be addicted?  If you can't survive without it but don't need it to live then it is an addiction.  If you need it to live, it is not.  If you want it, crave it, but neither need it to survive nor need it period. Is that an addiction.  If you need something so that you can interact with people in a relatively normal way, but do not need it to live, it is an addiction.  If you like it and like to have it but do not feel compelled to aquire it, it is not an addiction.  If when presented with it as a possibility and you can not deny it, it is an addiction.  If you are constantly thinking about it but it does not affect your social interactions, is it an addiction.  If you are constantly thinking about it while you talk to people and while you are by yourself but it does not affect how you interact are you addicted.  If, in both cases it has a negative impact then you are not necessarily addicted, but you could have a disability.  Funny that eh?

Asperger's people are addictive by nature; we are compulsive and we are obsessive too.  The problem is not that though, but that it is neurological in nature.  A person can be treated for OCD, they can be given drugs and they can be treated but for Asperger's there is no obsessive or compulsive disorder to be treated, but I guess what I am also saying is that we have more control than the OCD person, if we are aware of the problem.  If we are not aware that there is a problem then we have no control.  But by saying that being aware and having control does not mean that we can stop, but rather we can mitigate.  It is difficult to explain without falling back on myself as an example. If an AS person likes to put things in their pockets effectively the five finger discount, they might mitigate the behavior by sampling the grapes in the grocery store.  Something small and more-or-less harmless than the more serious compulsion.  I don't steal things but I do know people who do.  I have already discussed my own compulsion before.  The problem with a compulsion or an obsession is that the person who has it can feel shame because of it, because it can lead them to do things that they would rather not do.

Sometimes I don't mind talking about what I do, and other times I feel shame and do not want to tell you, or anyone else about the lows I have sunk down to. Or the ones that I want to sink down below.